Inside Her Story: Understanding The Ciara Controversy With Pastor John Gray


Singer Ciara recently posted to her Instagram a clip of a sermon from pastor John Gray explaining that if women want to be married, they have to stop acting like a girlfriend and start acting like a wife. Ciara captioned the video “Level Up. #DontSettle” which made a lot of women mad.

Jacque Reid goes Inside Her Story with pastor John Gray to better understand the context of his sermon.

“My first thought was context is always key. The challenge with social media is that you cannot get the full context of any message. A 50 minute message from a 58 second clip,” explained Gray.

However, Gray wanted to make sure that the premise of that clip and his message were properly understood.

“The premise is that you carry yourself with a level of integrity and with a level of strength and with a level of grace that says, ‘I actually don’t need to be found, to be validated,” expressed Gray.  “A women who is confident in who she is, she’s connected to God, she’s connected to her source so she doesn’t need validation from a man, she’s got it from God. ”

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#LevelUp. Don’t Settle.

A post shared by Ciara (@ciara) on




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8 thoughts on “Inside Her Story: Understanding The Ciara Controversy With Pastor John Gray

  1. Tanisha on said:

    If a man possess knowledge that he believes can help people, then he needs to focus that energy and learning on other men. Men somehow do not get any life lessons unless it is through trial and error. But women are always the subject on what we need to do to better ourselves. The corruption of this world is mostly at the hands of men yet women need all the help we can get…

  2. Cynthia A Riddle on said:

    People are looking for reasons to “come at somebody” about THEIR OWN beliefs. It is okay that she agrees with Pastor Gray. It is okay that she saw her past self in the scenario the Pastor Gray describes. IT IS OKAY! That is her truth. You don’t have to agree with it, you don’t have to follow the advice he or she offers.

  3. Zerkeise on said:

    You have to admit when you are the girlfriend; you carry yourself differently. Whether it is your swag, dress, attitude, tolerance, aura, whatever. Whenever you want something that is good for you, naturally you change accordingly. The realization that you are trying to do something right for Him should make you “level up” for yourself. God is the one to be pleased.

  4. Again, I do not see what Ciara or the pastor is saying is wrong. I think at this point, just stick to your own business, happiness, etc and do not try to tell people how to act if they want to be married. If they get married, that is fine; if not, that is fine as well.

  5. Yeah and a woman don’t need a validation from no pastor all she need is to love oneself.
    Y’all would do anything these ministers tell you and some of these so call man of god beat their wives when the doors is close.
    That John gray look like has a little sugar in tank with all that pink all the time

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