The financial responsibility component also seems to be lacking for the millennials. Do you agree?
Research has found that more Millennials are living at home with their parents than previous generations did at the same age. Many Millennials came of age during the Great Recession, so when they graduated from high school and college, the unemployment rate was high, so there were not many good-paying jobs available to them.
There is also a shift in societal expectations that Millennials live independently as more parents “helicopter” their children (are overprotective and shelter their children a lot); therefore, it is no longer considered inappropriate for a 20-something to still live with their parents. As a result of these factors, Millennials have not even had the same opportunities for financial independence as previous generations (i.e., Baby Boomers, Generation Xers) had, so Millennials are more financially dependent on their parents.
What do you suggest for dealing with the “M” generation that has an inflated sense of self, but lack the personal drive and record of achievement to have that ego?
This is a challenge that is being debated in the research. When Millennials step into the “real world”, they are faced with a big reality check when they realize that the world really does not evolve around them. This group of young people really need coaching on perspective-taking, working in groups, and managing their own expectations.
In teaching them perspective-taking, we should continue to reinforce that not everyone believes what that individual believes and that people have other thoughts and opinions that are just as valuable as their own; perspective-taking helps develop empathy, which reduces a sense of entitlement.
With Millennials being more individualistic, research suggests they may have more problems working in groups, which is a very important job skill. Therefore, we should coach our Millennials in the art of negotiation, compromising, and give-and-take that is necessary for healthy interpersonal and work relationships.
Finally, teaching young adults to recognize that their expectations may not align with reality can be a challenge. Research has found that Millennials really do see themselves as very smart, capable, and talented, even when the evidence is to the contrary. Therefore, if a Millennial applies for a job s/he is not qualified for, they may experience significant distress in not getting the job because they perceived themselves to have been very qualified for the job. We should help them have a more realistic view of their own skills and talents.
Doc, what can we do about the kids of today? How do we bring them back to reality?
This is a philosophical question that parents have asked throughout time. One major contributor to narcissistic thinking among Millennials (or any person) is when parents teach their child that the child is more important than anyone else, when parents rationalize or make excuses for the child’s bad behaviors, and when parents do not hold children accountable for their actions.
For example, if a teacher informs a parent of their child’s inappropriate behaviors in class, the parents should then talk to the teacher and child together about the incident rather than immediately jumping to the child’s defense without all the facts. No child is perfect; all children make mistakes. Children lie to get out of trouble. This is just the way humans are wired. Therefore, we have to teach responsibility, empathy, and compassion to our children to try and reduce their narcissistic tendencies.
How do we correct their mindset?
It is challenging to correct the mindset of a 20-something. Training children to be compassionate, empathetic, and humble starts at birth. However, we can encourage our young adults to take responsibility for their actions by holding them responsible and not making excuses for their bad behaviors.
We can model empathy by acknowledging other people’s opinions and valuing different perspectives, rather than ridiculing or criticizing opinions we do not agree with. (We can disagree without being disagreeable). Parents can model compassion to others around us and encouraging our children to be compassionate (e.g., encourage your Millennial to volunteer their time at a local shelter, food pantry, or animal pound).
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