It’s time for another reading of the “Daily Horrorscope,” where Georgia Alfredas keeps it real by telling every astrological sign the harsh truth about themselves for today’s date of September 22nd, 2022.
READ YOUR HORRORSCOPE BELOW
Aries: You might want to get your child into a new daycare. If the educational film n every day is “New Jack City.”
Taurus: You might not be a good bouncer at a club. If you’ve gotten your ass whooped four times in the last two weeks, by women.
Gemini: Why does your five-month-old have a receding hairline?
Cancer: Why are you in a job interview with a sucker in your mouth, a dirty scarf, no makeup, and a copy of your bio, which is actually a printout from your Facebook page?
Leo: If your teenager is letting you know when you can drive your car, it’s time for a sit-down.
Virgo: Why are you always crying broke to everybody at work and you got about $30,000 worth of jewelry on?
Libra: Stop dry-begging customers if you strip.
Sagittarius: Make it a short date if your girl consistently sneezes in her hand and then wipes it on her dress.
Capricorn: You and your man are about to make love for the first time. He takes off his shirt and he is cut. Your man his arms are chiseled. Oh, he has an eight-pack He removes his shorts. His legs are muscles, powerful thighs.
Aquarius: You might be wearing too much makeup. If a man doesn’t know whether to ask for your name or hire you to be a clown at his kid’s birthday party.
Pisces: Stop quitting jobs that make you want to work.
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