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Kris Humphries announced his retirement from the NBA on Tuesday, March 26, and in a blog post reflecting on his career and his quickie marriage to Kim Kardashian.

Humphries, 34, and Kardashian, 38, had a televised wedding in front of E! cameras in August 2011. Less than three months later, the “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” star filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. The divorce was finalized nearly two years later.

“There’s definitely a lot about that world that is not entirely real. But our actual relationship was 100% real,” Humphries wrote. “When it was clear that it wasn’t working … what can I say? It sucked. It’s never easy to go through the embarrassment of something like that — with your friends, with your family…. But when it plays out so publicly, in front of the world, it’s a whole other level. It was brutal.”

He continued: “I didn’t know how to handle it, because I never thought I was going to be famous in that way. I remember having this moment when I was getting booed so hard in Philly, and I thought to myself, ‘Why exactly are they booing me, though? Is it just because I’m That Guy from TV? Do they think I was trying to be famous? Is it because they think I disrespected the game of basketball?’ The last one killed me, because all I’ve ever wanted to be known for was basketball.”

Humphries said he experienced a lot of “anxiety” in the months following his split from Kim.

“There was about a year where I was in a dark place. I didn’t want to leave my home. You feel like … I don’t know … the whole world hates you, but they don’t even know why,” he wrote. “They don’t even know you at all. They just recognize your face, and they’re on you.”

The NBA star admits that the relationship left him feeling a bit insecure about himself.

“I didn’t want to be Kris Humphries. It’s the craziest feeling in the world, not wanting to be yourself. And I didn’t even want to say anything to defend myself, because it felt like I couldn’t win. You can’t go up against the tabloids. You can’t go up against that machine. There’s no point. And even if I played that game, I felt like it would be disrespecting the game of basketball.”

He then noted that “The irony of my career is that I finally figured out what kind of player I was when I got to the Nets. … I felt like I knew who I was, finally. And then I met a girl who happened to be really famous, and I got married, and … damn,” Humphries wrote in a blog post for The Player’s Tribune. “Look, I should have known what I was getting into. I was definitely naive about how much my life was going to change. But the one thing that really bothers me is whenever people say that my marriage was fake.”

You can read his full blog post here.

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