Like a lot of moms around the country at this time of year, I was physically separated from two boys on the night I wanted to hug them more than anything else in the world. When the George Zimmerman verdict came in on Saturday, I knew they were safe and snug at their grandparent’s house where they are spending part of their summer.

But the realization weighs on me that when they return, I’m going to have to have a conversation with them that they’re way too young and naïve to receive. I’m going to have to tell them that in some instances they will be feared, profiled, singled out and even hated because they are black. I will add that because of this, even when they’re doing right or nothing at all, they may be stopped, questioned, accused or attacked.

But I’m also going to have to temper that statement with one that is just as important. I’m going to remind them that they are wonderfully and awesomely made and that their father and I have more love for them than they could ever imagine.

I’m going to tell them to trust in God and not man because the world is made up of all kinds of people – good and evil.

I’m going to remind them that they are always to follow the rules, adhere to the laws and treat people, especially people in authority, with respect.

I’m sure Trayvon Martin was taught many of the lessons I’m going to teach my boys. And like his parents, as much as I want my sons to be good citizens that honor what is right, I also want them to know when to stand up and be men, to defend themselves if a situation arises and not be afraid to fight, sometimes physically, against injustice.

We’re living in a society that in an effort to cut back on violence, we may have gone to the extreme with rules like zero tolerance in schools.

Most men I know have had their fair share of scrapes with other boys by the time they reach adulthood. Granted, my boys aren’t fighters and I wouldn’t want them to be in a school where violence, bullying – physical or verbal – was encouraged. But I do recognize that in the real world, boys and men need to work some things out and there are measures of what should and shouldn’t be tolerated. I don’t know a parent, especially one who is African American, who would tell her or his son not to fight back if a situation turned physical.

My sons are tall for their ages and it scares me to think of what could happen if, in an effort to defend themselves, they were mistakenly seen as the aggressor.

All responsible parents should tell their sons and daughters for that matter to listen to and obey orders from law enforcement, keep their mouths shut and show their hands at all times. That’s just common sense.  But it should be a different story if it’s a boy -to boy or man- to- man altercation.  So, I ask you, what will you tell your sons? To walk away, stand up and fight like a man, or maybe even to kill or be killed if the situation calls for it?

Are we raising our boys to be men…or victims?

35 thoughts on “What Do We Tell Our Sons?

  1. Rayar Johnson on said:

    August 12,2013

    Please, Please Help us! In the February 14,2013 Wayne County Newspaper,( Front Page) It tells of the school violations and bullying and harassment my children have suffered in the WCSD,Mississippi. But, it did not mention that the latest of those threats were from the school KKK note. Now, this same girl where two knifes were found on her is back at school and sitting behind my child on their bus.
    This is not the first racial discrimination . My kids have a right to a safe school environment.
    The WCSD said they would handle it and they would prosecute and she would not be back on that campus. They would not tell me one court date no notification, just it’s been handled. 911 did not even send an officer at my request the day of.
    The children are shocked and scared. I beg for justice. I do not know why help for justice is so hard. They are not going back to school until they are represented. This is sad that anyone would think we are okay with this.

  2. 55th st silverbacks on said:

    my statement was not an attack , however every word u type seems to be hateful misguided racially biased rant. the phrase “angry black man” is what u expect but it is my study of YOUR history that calms me , to know that all u have comes from lies deceit and cold blooded murder give the tools to combat the anger and fuel the desire to help MY BROTHER.

  3. Fuck you BAW.You have been deleting my posts while allowing Corey to spew out his bullshit.Fuck you bitch.This site is not Black owned .We are being tricked in supporting a racist owned site built to fuck with black people’s intelligence.

  4. Tell your sons the same thing I told mine. Don’t walk this earth looking over your shoulder and ducking and dodging white people. You are a hundred times more likely to be shot down like a dog in the street by other blacks.

    • 55th st silverbacks on said:

      kay, do u have any idea wy the violence happens. i agree with the statement but WE need answers to the issues we face the violence is not the cause it is the effect of subjecting human beings to degredation and any raceof people going through what we deal with as a way of life react in a negitive manner. the reason the pilgrims set out for a new land and the way of life they were living is proof of that. ONCE AGAIN THE HISTORY REVEALS THE PRESENT.

  5. 55th st silverbacks on said:

    i would first suggest reading this blog with them, racism is felt and digested in a young mind and with out the tools to deal with anger we lash out. i am no longer a young but a GROWN MAN , IT HAS TAKEN ME A LONG TIME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT DRIVES THE ANGER.THE HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY WILL GIVE INSIGHT TO YOU AND THEN U WILL BE ABLE TO INSTRUCT YOUR CHILD. THE IDEAS WE FEED OUR CHILDREN ABOUT BEING EQUAL give them a false sense of security. and unless u can bounce a ball , catch a ball sing or dance u have to work twice as hard to accepted.

  6. Jiggy5 on said:

    Tell your sons to be careful of social media and what they put out there. Tell them that a screen name of “No Limit Nigga” is a disgrace to yourself and the progress of civil rights. Tell them who MLK was and what he stood and fought for. Tell them how their actions are tearing our race apart.

  7. LisaCharles on said:

    So to all the battered and cheated on women out there. 1. Get your man angry by saying something to agitate him. Keep saying it over and over again. Get him to hit you once enough to bleed. 3. Dial 911 leave the phone down and scream help! help!. 4. Pull out the gun he didn’t know you. %. Congrats!! You have just stood your ground. Oh and make sure he smokes one before you do all of this. —Jan Corey

    • JanCorey on said:

      That could be a possible choice LisaCharles although I would highly NOT recommend that option, there are so many better-options available to the majority of those seeking to end their relationships with their spouses or companions. Let us know if the FBI contacts you about your post which ia a clear contradiction to Federal Law that could get you 15+ years vacation in one of their federal penitentiary resorts.

      • LisaCharles on said:

        No JanCorey. I am a female and a registered gun owner. Stand your ground is awesome. I just need to provoke my old man into hitting me enough to cause me to bleed or maliciously assault me so I can stand my ground. I am ex military too. Wounded warrior project is awesome. Love your profile.

      • JanCorey on said:

        And, Lisa, you too are incorrect. I give tyMay I also add that Drea, has as I have already pointed out, have already been proven to be inconsistent with the actual facts of this, why Drea chooses to blabber it’s racist and bigoted comments which is beyond anything I desire to expound upon. Dreaa’s reputation on WordPresss as a troll has already been well documented by WordPress, not me, read their analogy and complaints made against Drea. I just chose to remain with the facts of this case and to help those that might still have a question regarding legalities, since that is my higher-education-expertise as I am told. And, Lisa, I’ll give you a chance first to correct your errors sinmce your latest comment is nothing but inmcorrect imo.

      • JanCorey on said:

        Lisa, you are still wrong, did you miss your last medication schedule or are you simply mentally ill and don’t really know what you are doing. We, here in the real world do not have a clue about any of your comments. Is that what you intend for us out here?

  8. Buttons on said:

    It’s not about what we tell our sons- it’s about how we raise them. They need to be taught knowledge of self and knowledge of the system of racism/white supremacy that seek to devour them, so they will better understand how to navigate through it. Furthermore, our community needs to stop with all the talking and come up with an action plan on how to get from under this demonic system and stop trying to negotiate with devils. Years from now it will continue to be more innocent children being slaughtered and another generation of us begging, pleading, marching, and crying for justice. This relationship with these devils has to end. Plain and simple.

    • 55th st silverbacks on said:

      THANK YOU BUTTONS, that is exactly what is needed “know thy self” only then can u confirm what your heart cries out for. we are a loving and giving people conditioned to be self serving and money hungry and we have no knowledge of true self our plight as a people continues as long as we continue to assimulate a race that believes they are god.

  9. Black on said:

    Zimmerman was on watch that’s what he should have done but I think in a strange way he wanted to do this to trayvon, knew he was a youngster when I was young the difference is I was hoodie and strapped condolences to the martins god will see you through…

    • JanCorey on said:

      This is a good lesson for everyone Black; don’t smoke dope and don’t attack strangers and beat their head into a cement walkway because you can be shot dead.

  10. Danetta Brooks on said:

    What can we tell our sons. Are we to say it’s ok to not do as you were told, just like Zimmerman did when he did not follow the dispatcher instructions and got out of his car, because he saw a black youth walking through a neighborhood. The anger and frustration could all been avoided if that had happened. Jan Corey that last part of your statement is wrong, because this young boy regardless of what he may have had in his system did not deserve a bullet in his heart. I pray that you don’t have children, because you are sitting a bad example with that thought.

    • JanCorey on said:

      This is a good lesson for everyone Danetta; don’t smoke dope and don’t attack strangers and beat their head into a cement walkway because you can be shot dead.

  11. majestic on said:


    I think you are looking for attention (we call people like you Trolls) But, let’s take a look at your argument. If George got his head bashed on the side of the concrete do you think he deserved it (I’m pretty sure your answer will be no)

    so I ask you this?

    Why did Zimmerman follow Trayvon when the dispatcher told him not to?

    Please answer this, I’ll be waiting.

    • JanCorey on said:

      Majestic, You are wrong, I am not looking for attention, I have all I can handle with that right now. I am, however, trying to educated the ill-informed, the uninformed, and the uneducated to the facts of this case that seem to confuse many of those types of people which you are included in that group. Your jealousy of better-informed people is apparent, but that should not be a reason to prevent you from seeking the truth about this case and try to clear up many of your confusions in this case you have documented against yourself so far. And, for you, you are welcome. And, yes, I do believe you are a troll and WordPress has included you on their Troll-list which is good enough evidence for me to confirm to myself that you truly are a troll. Congratulations, I guess if that is your goal.

  12. JanCorey on said:

    Tell your sons to not smoke dope or to smash a victim’s head against a cement sidewalk because they could end up getting shot in the heart.

      • JanCorey on said:

        Christianslayer, but, it’s sooo much fun. 🙂 Maybe you should have said that to trayvon’s parents before they generated that Trayvon who certainly turned out to be a total and complete waste of future welfare and jail/prison resources.

    • JanCorey on said:

      Cindy, looks like you missed the entire trial of the state of Florida vs. George Zimmerman. The jury knew Trayvon was high on illegal dope as he bashed George Zimmerman’s head against a sidewalk thus becoming armed during his felony-assault of victim-Zimmerman. Also Cindy, George was acquitted of all charges and is free now. Trayvon is still dead as he deserves.

      • I think it’s sad about the hateful comments. No one deserves to be dead. I don’t even feel like Zimmerman deserves to be dead. No one wins. Zimmerman will spend the next several years in and out of court. I’m not even sure why SOME Caucasians feel like they’ve won. Zimmerman is Hispanic! I blame the media for stirring up the hate that still lives inside of SOME Americans. We need God in our lives more than ever.

      • JanCorey on said:

        KB, I agree there are a ton of hateful comments, yet some of them are indeed perfect and accurate. Trayvon would have been charged with at least felony-assault had he survived and he would have been charged for being high on an illegal drug at the time he maliciously assaulted Mr. Zimmerman. As for the parents of Trayvon, they now need to be held accountable just like if a teenager crashed a motor vehicle and did damage, the parents of that minor would be held legally responsible for the damages and victim-George-Zimmerman has many millions of dollars worth of damage resulting from this case which was a direct result of Trayvon Martin. I would suggest maybe 15 years in prison for each of Trayvon’s parent up to LWOP.

      • 55th st silverbacks on said:

        i have a hard time undersanding why a bigot such as yourself would be involved with this website after all it is named “BLACK america web “. i am sure there is a KKK website u would enjoy.

      • JanCorey on said:

        55th st silverbacks, I am not a bigot as you so incorrectly claim in your attack. I am, however, interested in helping to educate people to the facts they remain a bit remise about and helping to fill in many of the blanks in their lack of knowledge of this case. Facts do scare many people and I am sorry if facts about this case has you quivering still.

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