“Let’s take a long walk around the park after dark. Find a spot for us to spark conversation, verbal elation, stimulation. Share our situations, temptations, education, relaxations. Elevations, maybe baby, maybe we can save the nation. Come on, Come on …” – Jill Scott “A Long Walk”

Lyrically, Jill Scott does what I like to call “mental masturbation” with her play on words, all the while taking us on a musical journey that feels and sounds so good. That is what I hope this book ultimately does for you. I want you to reach that hot spot in your life. You know that place when you know you’re in a good space and living it up in all the ways that count. Finally, it is your time to get yours.

Foreplay is intimate preparation and stimulation that precedes your reaching that special place. Verbally, foreplay may include compliments, and intimate conversations. Non-verbally, foreplay can include kissing, touching, standing inside someone’s personal space or holding a long gaze. Simply, it can be a connection, an understanding, it’s a vibe. Foreplay is the planning, the anticipating, the actions and the effort you put into something before the big pay-off. As syndicated radio host and Radio Hall of Famer Tom Joyner says, “You got to put the work in.” He usually says this in the context of producing relevant and creative work. But the principle applies across the board. Basically, you have to prepare before you can get to the good part – the recognition, the accolades, the awards, and the money.

Nobody knows what the big payoff is for you better than you. You must then be tuned into and in touch with the deepest part of yourself. How tuned in are you about what you really want? Let me illustrate with pop culture. Many of us tune in and watch reality TV on a daily basis because we like watching other people’s drama. Regardless of your opinion about the content on reality TV; the reality check is that those “real people” that we watch are, in many ways, living their dreams out loud in front of our faces. They are on TV, online, building their own brands and getting paid well for it. And whether we are entertained immensely or shaking our heads with dismay, the fact remains that millions not only tune in but when the show is over, they are discussing what went down, play by play on the phone, or even at work the next day. In the meantime, these personalities are putting in the work and are cashing in all the way to the bank.

Of course, I’m not minimizing your life to reality TV, but I do want you to tune into your world and have a reality check. How does it look, and why are you doing what you do? These answers will reveal your motives and will make it clear how much you’re willing to work to reach your intended goals – love, family, education, professional growth, respect, comfort, security or all of the above. Any good reporter will tell you that knowing how to ask the right things at the right times can lead to a major scoop. What’s the scoop on you? Be bold and ask yourself the tough questions: Who am I at my core? What do I really want to do? Am I fully committed to it, and for the right reasons? Or do I just want the results of what I think it can bring me? What am I willing to do to achieve it? Go ahead. Take that self-examination. Whisper in your own ear; the answers to those queries will be the mirror that reflects your reality and help clarify what’s hindering you.

Deya “Direct” Smith, is a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and host of Girlfriend FM & Beyond the Studio celebrity interviews. She is also the author of Touch Yourself, 30 Ways to Live, Love and Let Go (www.touchmebooks.com)! Deya is a life-style and inspirational speaker.

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One thought on “Your Life is Not ‘For Play’

  1. Rayar Johnson on said:



    In the Wayne County Mississippi Newspaper Front page continues 8A February 14,2013 addition.

    KKK threat to kill my child four children continous violations. We need representation. But, Sheriff office said they cannot get involved with this, they have a contract with the school.I called 911 they couldn’t help us.

    Rayar Johnnson

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