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In my most recent “In Deep Waters” series, which features the TJMS’ own Jacque Reid, Sandy “Pepa” Denton and their friends Joumanna Kidd and Kittie Troy, we discuss the top three things that women really desire from their man.

Check out this compelling video for yourself. (Click here for Part Three.)

Some of the key things the women said they need were:

– A man who believes in God.

– A man that they can have fun with.

– A man who would accept their kids or, in Jacque’s case, her dog, Sugar Shane.

– A man that looks good or who’s attractive to them.

– Respect, meaning a man who honors his woman by doing what she needs to feel loved by him. Also meaning he’s not going to put her in a predicament where other women can disrespect her because of something he did.

– A man who can disarm her but who knows how to talk to her in away that she can receive – with love, warmth and authority.

– A man who’s ready to have a family and build a life together.

– A man who’s graduated from the “he’s got potential” phase – one who is successful enough to add to her life, who can either help her maintain and/or enhance her current lifestyle.

– A man with confidence

The overall component that all of these women wanted was “a man With a plan.” I think that really sums it up.

When I posed the question about black men in particular who may not meet their socio/economic requirements – especially in this economy – the conversation got very intense.

The consensus was that at this point in their lives, as women in their 30s and beyond, they no longer have the time or desire to mother a man. He needs to be a ready-made man who’s ready to move forward with a real woman in a manner that makes sense for them both. After a certain point, these women aren’t willing to “see where things go” without a plan to solidify the direction of the relationship. What they wanted from a man was someone who wanted to be there – in the game of life with them on purpose, for a purpose.

Here’s my “Direct” point: Love is not enough. Two people need to come together liking one another, respecting one another and communicating effectively basically being on one accord. I believe women are looking for a partner and a leader, someone who sees her for who she really is and celebrates her. Someone who’s done fishing and testing the waters because he realizes he’s found the best fish in the sea for him.

By the way, when do men stop fishing?

Finally, I believe women want a man that they can trust, admire and enjoy – spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, socially, sexually and financially.

What do you think women really want?

Deya “Direct” Smith is a producer on “The Tom Joyner Morning Show” and host of Girlfriend FM and Beyond the Studio celebrity interviews on She is also a motivational speaker, actress and social commentator. She can be reached at