It’s time for another reading of the “Daily Horrorscope,” where Georgia Alfredas keeps it real by telling every astrological sign the harsh truth about themselves for today’s date of August 31st, 2022.
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Aries: You might be a little bit pressed. If you’re dating a man you saw in a police lineup.
Taurus: Why is it you always sit next to miss opinionated talkers on your planes?
Gemini: Remember you’re a flight attendant. Drop the attitude when somebody asks you for something. That’s what you’re there for.
Cancer: Why are you on a prison bus trying to highlight the lady in the convertible Bentley?
Leo: Why do all your homegirls always tell you that you need to put on your big girl panties? And you’re so confused because that’s really all you can wear.
Virgo. Why is it that every dance you do looks like stripper moves?
Libra: You know you’re wrong for playing a game of hide and seek with your kids and then they finally find you 15 years later.
Scorpio: If your first date your new man is blowing up your phone trying to figure out where you’ve been, that’s what you call a red flag.
Sagittarius: You’re a police officer on house arrest. That’s not gonna look good on your six-month review.
Capricorn: Your girlfriend is furious with you for sleeping with her roommate. I mean, she is pregnant by your first cousin, but you know, still.
Aquarius: Why are you asking your new man what kind of car he’s picking you up in?
Pisces: Your son just told you that he wants to become a doctor. Would he know damn well, that it took him 13 years to get an associate’s degree?
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