It’s time for another reading of the “Daily Horrorscope,” where Alfredas keeps it real by telling every astrological sign the harsh truth about themselves for today’s date of May 13th, 2022.
Read your horoscope below:
Aries: When a man tries to impress you by telling you what he does for a living, remember, chefs don’t work at the Waffle House.
Taurus: You got food poisoning from your local carryout yet you keep going back because the shrimp fried rice is so good.
Gemini: Your new boss might be getting a little too comfortable if they greet you with “what’s up home skillet?”
Cancer: Get a new church if all of your Pastor’s daughters are in the 1% in earnings on OnlyFans.
Leo: You’re being arrested at the Golden Corral You know damn well there were no to-go boxes.
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Virgo: Why is it that as soon as you’re asked to pay child support? Oh, now you want a DNA test done?
Libra: Why are you a Ja Morant’s hotel trying to reach him but you have to settle for his daddy. But you know, his daddy does look like Usher…
Scorpio: If you hate going to church, and you’re the Pastor, that’s not good…
Sagittarius: Stop telling people what they need to do with their lives while you’re asking them for $5 to get some Newports.
Capricorn: What up with the British accent and you’re from Southeast DC? What is this about?
Aquarius: You might be hood if you’ve been called by your nickname so much that You even forgot your real name.
Pisces: Yeah you wanna retire from MMA fighting if you got yo ass beat by a golfer in a bar fight.
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