In addition to confessing to a 2014 suicide attempt when she ingested numerous pills, Spice Girl Melanie “Mel B” Brown has revealed she snorted up to six lines of cocaine a day during her stint as a judge on “The X Factor.”
She recounts these dark days in her new autobiography “Brutally Honest,” in which the 43-year-old says that while filming “X Factor” she had plummeted “so low” she “started using cocaine to get me through the run of show, to get me through living with (ex-husband Stephen Belafonte), which felt like neurotic claustrophobia… On so many levels, I felt myself sinking.”
Brown says she enjoyed having “a line of that white powder when I got up in the morning,” as it helped “blur the voices around you, it can keep you in your own world, or it can keep you moving.”
“I didn’t want all the crap in my life to get in the way of the job I wanted to do, and knew, I was doing really well,” she writes, noting that her “quick fix answer was cocaine.”
“It took me less than a minute to get my hands on a regular supply – such is the power of celebrity,” she states in her book. “I started using a couple of lines before I went into work.”
Mel B describes her “routine” for readers.
“I’d wake up in the morning and snort two lines. Then I would pray: ‘God, I’m sorry for taking cocaine, but please, God, help me get through this day.’ I was ashamed of what I was doing, but I felt I had to have it.”
She estimates “I was probably taking five or six lines a day before and after work. The cocaine only made my depression worse, and I was permanently anxious and on edge.”
Mel’s memoir also highlights her nine-month romance with Eddie Murphy. The comedian is the father of her middle daughter, Angel, 11.
“Eddie made me happier than any man I’d ever met. When I got pregnant with Angel, we jumped around his en-suite bathroom laughing and crying, bursting with the best news ever… Every day I would wake up and he’d tell me I was the most beautiful, incredible woman. I never felt so loved.”
But when she needed a break from their relationship, Murphy told a reporter the two had broken up and he denied their unborn child at the time, saying he didn’t know “whose child that is until it comes out and has a blood test.”
“I do not – to this day – have any idea why Eddie would have said those words,” Brown says in her book. “It was completely out of character for him to talk about his private life, and it was even more out of character for him to say something so damning and nasty about someone he loved.”
Brown said she later dragged Murphy for the comments and told him, “I’m going to have to leave you now because that is what you’ve done to me.”
She says Eddie’s mom coordinated a reunion for the two and their daughter in May 2017.
“I’ve watched Angel blossom as she’s got to know her dad and – after years of silence – I know one day we will all sit together and talk. There’s too much unfinished business to leave it.”