If you want to know what a person thinks, the best thing to do is to ask them, right? At the same time, if you’re not ready for the truth, don’t ask. Women spend much of our time talking about men, but what we think and engage about and how men really feel are not the same. On Girlfriend FM, it’s time for men – real men – to have their say.

Men often accuse women of not being good listeners, but if you want to know the truth, and I do, it’s time to listen. Brothers have something to say and a perspective that is worthwhile.

On Girlfriend FM, I have created a video series, “From the Minds of Men,” where I talk to married and single men separately, and they break down how they really feel. We discuss everything – from the dynamics of marriage, communication, interracial relationships, rejection, money, stress and social media in a relationship. (http://video.blackamericaweb.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2462:from-the-mind-of-men-part-1&catid=352:from-the-mind-of-men&Itemid=342).

First up are the married men: Benny Black, who has been married for 12 years (with three children) to a non-black woman of color; Steven Dixon, married for six years, speaker and author of Men Don’t Heal, They Ho, and Skip Gates, author of How I Broke My Addiction to White Women (the Ultimate Tribute to Black Women), who’s on his third marriage.

One of the points that really stood out for me in Part One are the topics of communication and leadership from a man, which ultimately lead to security or insecurity that a woman feels within her relationship.

To be direct: It is in order for a man to lead. However, leadership comes with qualifications, not just gender. For women who have taken care of themselves for a long time, which happens to be the case for most single women, regardless of the reasons, she needs a man who can lead her in a way that enhances her quality of life because she already knows what she can do alone.

To be clear, I am not focusing on money, nor were these men. Leadership is also about physical and emotional security. Good communication leads to security; honesty leads to security; friendship leads to security. Wise decisions lead to security. Taking care of business inside and outside of the bedroom leads to security. But how can two come together unless they agree?

You see, regardless of how much money a woman makes, no matter how much stuff she has, the average woman still wants her man to take his rightful place — to fix the stuff, to eat, laugh, pray and work together, to protect and comfort her in the midnight hour. He should simply love her and allow her to love him in such a way where they can both be open, honest and naked with who they really are without judgement.

If that’s the truth that men are speaking, Listen up and stay tuned a producer on “The Tom Joyner Morning Show” and host of Girlfriend FM and Beyond the Studio celebrity interviews on BlackAmericaWeb.com. She is also a motivational speaker, actress and social commentator. She can be reached at DeyaDirect@aol.com.

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