Mother to Mother: An Open Letter to Tameka Foster

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  • Like most people, when I heard the story of Usher’s son nearly drowning in a swimming pool my heart immediately ached.  But I don’t think anyone one can relate more to such a tragedy than a parent imagining his or her child in the same situation.

    My heart also ached for Usher and Tameka.  It had to be devastating for Usher to get that horrible phone call from the person caring for little Usher V..  I can also empathize with Tameka finding out her baby had met with such danger at home, the place where he was supposed to feel safest.

    Accidents happen, no doubt, and no parent – custodial or otherwise can be with a child 24 hours a day.  You can institute every precaution in the world and still you can never insure against an accident happening.

    Tameka has been unfairly ridiculed and even joked about for taking immediate steps to regain emergency custody of Usher V, who thankfully is said to be doing well after a few days stay in ICU.

    I don’t know Tameka personally but as a divorced mom in an entirely different situation, I still stand with her for having the instinct to want to protect her children.

    What mother wouldn’t?

    Here’s an open later to her and any mom battling the system for the right to raise her children.

    Dear Tameka,

    From the moment our newborn babies are placed in our arms we recognize our God-given role—to love, nurture and protect them at all costs.

    We can’t foresee the inevitable challenges we will face … sickness, injuries, accidents, and sometimes even death.

    My heart goes out to you, first for the loss of your eldest son Kile and now another near tragedy.

    No parent is perfect but for some reason, because your problems have been played out in the media, you have been relegated to being the face of the bitter ex-wife who doesn’t deserve to raise her own sons.

    Since primary custody has been given to your ex-husband, I know you dearly miss your boys.  I have two sons of my own and every day they do at least one thing that amazes me.  But, even when they aren’t being particularly amazing I learn from them to be a better mom, a better woman and a better human being.

    All I can say to you is to cherish every moment you do have with Naviyd and Usher V. The ideal home and life you dreamed of with your husband and children may never materialize but God gives us all the ability to press forward and find joy in spite of our situations.

    I understand completely why you question Usher for fighting for custody while leaving them in the care of someone other than you for substantial amounts of time.  But consider this, if you were the primary parent trying to maintain a career as so many of us do, you would be expected to find the best people you could to care for the boys while you were gone.  I can only assume that Usher did just that.

    Yet, I’m not sure I would have reacted any differently than you in that situation.

    My hope for you is at some point, you will be able to prove to the courts and Usher that you want and deserve to have more time with your boys.

    If there are things in your life that need to be corrected, I encourage you to work them out.   Sometimes a small change can yield huge results – and nothing could be bigger or better than being the best co-parent(s) we can be for our children.

    Blessings to you and your beautiful boys!

    Nikki

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    36 thoughts on “Mother to Mother: An Open Letter to Tameka Foster

    1. Nikki, thank you for this open letter to Tameka. I hurt for her and hope things workout for her and her babies. I’ve lost respect for Usher. Those boys are little now, but they will grow up and learn the truth.

    2. from what I read, Usher immediately sued for custody of his 2 sons from Tameka right after she’d already lost her oldest son (from a previous marriage) claiming that he didn’t want the same type of thing to happen to HIS sons (yet ironically it did). Yep, Usher ripped her babies away from her while Tameka was still in shock and grieving from her first son’s accidental death. He and the court blamed the victim! That’s cold, dirty and low down. He has a power-team behind him, she doesn’t. Why would a man keep his kids from their mother, even when he’s not going to be able to see them because of his hectic work schedule. I’m so glad Tameka continues to fight despite the odds against all legal influence Usher’s money is buying him.

    3. Black women are the most evil, hateful, and ugly to each other. No wonder why whites look at us the way they do. We are so unforgiven, judgemental, and critical of things we have no clue of. I pray black women change or they will continue to lose their quality men to white women, because they don’t dog each other like minorities. Food for thought anrgy bitter black and nasty women…….. Let God

      • Really Robert? You going to throw ALL black women under the bus? There are and always be some great beautiful black women in this world. Don’t make an excuse if YOU want to date white women. Last time I checked there are some white gals evil and vengeful too.

        • I agree with you sean, These black can marry white women all day long I really don’t care, and most of them end up divorcing them ,,

          Look at Rahsad married a white woman and she is kicking his azz out, because she got all the LOOT,

          he won’t get anything, and yes white women are evil and Vindictive as well, so don’t get it twisted.

    4. Tameka doesn’t even have custody of her first set of children with Kile’s biological father, so yes there is something wrong here and I don’t believe it has anything to do with Usher’s legal counsel or the judge that ruled in his favor. Check the facts people! As it was stated earlier, no custodial parent can be with the children 24 hours a day, but the court does determine who is best fit to be the custodial parent.

      • Evelyn, you give the court’s ruling with too much credibility—the courts denied US human rights for over 300+ years in America; even to this day, the courts are making rulings to deny US our right to vote. The courts in Rome found Jesus guilty of treason consequently crucified Jesus. As such, the courts have a history of making unjust & incorrect rulings.

    5. Very well written NIKKI, I didn’t understand why a judge would give full custody to USHER anyway

      he is on the road a lot he barely is at his home. someone else is always watching them,, now when tameka asked why her son’s foot was cut, was because he was outside with no shoes on, with his grandmother.. I believe if his mother talked to him where him and tameka could co-parent in a positive way. she needs to speak to her son and let him know that every mother should be with there children, but usher’s mother is just as vindictive as he is…. Just because usher has custody does not mean he is the Responsible parent, it does not mean he know’s what he is doing every second of every moment, he needs to stop listening to his mother and grow up and be a man ,, and him and tameka can co-parent in a way that show’s there boys that it can be done… not this back and forth

        • @ML I do not think this is funny, and it was a time when usher loved this woman because that was the reason he married her, there was a time there where friends ,, so if a man loves you and then marries you then he wants to be with you and have children with you,,

          His mother has always Dis-respected Usher but usher has alway’s been a mama’s boy I think he being Vindictive and low down like his mama is,, that is where he got it from,,

          Just because Usher has custody does not mean he is the better parent, that is the bottom line.
          Every child should be with there mother. you cannot deny a woman her children. Those are her children to, and she deserves to be a mother to her children I don’t care what she has done. those are still her kids too, If there going to give her an evaluation then they need to give Usher one as well and his mama the WHOLE family needs some counseling. so if you wanna put this on the mother Lets be fair and check them all out,,,

        • “Every child should be with their mother, no matter what they’ve done?” Seriously? Casey Anthony would love you. So would Susan Smith.

        • @kay those where very different cases, and susan smith did all of that because of a man, and so did casey anthony, she wanted to be free of the Responsibility ,,, now the same thing can take place with usher something can happen to those boys and not on purpose, but judges do favor men in atlanta
          than they do women. Plus of course susan smith blamed a black man, and then casey anthony blamed her father, neither one of them took responsibility for what they did. Now kay if you had any sense you would know that Usher is not that Responsible. just because he has made his Ex wife look bad and that was his WHOLE agenda, to make there mother look bad. Tameka is tough she will pull through. I wonder kay do you have children?

        • The only part of your post I commented on was the “every child should be with it’s mother, no matter what she has done” comment.

        • @kay I will ask you again kay do you have Children? because if you do, then what would you do if this happen to you, would you fight for your children or would you just fold up. how many kids do you have kay are you a mother or are a single woman living alone? what if something like this happen to you and your family where you are constantly being ridiculed and labeled crazy and unfit how would you feel ,, I would like to know.

        • @kay I thought so. so how can you relate to any mother who is facing this kind of situation. Please tell me. or are you just commenting because every-body has jumped on the band wagon to Put Ms. Usher Raymond in her place, Her place is being a mother, ANd I hope for her sake that she will come out of this with a lesson learned, every thing we do ,,there comes a lesson.

        • I never once said one word about Ms. Foster’s fitness as a mother. The only thing I commented on was the validity of your ridiculous “no matter what she’s done” statement. Hence the reference to the dead children’s mothers. My comment did not even concern Ms. Foster. Just you.

        • Okay kay whatever you say! stay encouraged and stay blessed and stay wise.. Case is closed to me,

    6. LAME EXCUSE: When Usher is on the road, the biological mother [Tameka] should have her 2 sons. On Usher’s watch, the blood of 1 son is on Usher’s hands & NOW, he ALMOST lost another child is undisputed evidence that the biological mother should, at least, have those 2 boys when Usher is on the road during their tender years. Accident or whatever is an unacceptable EXCUSE; a LAME
      excuse….

      • What blood? The little boy who lost his life (in a tragic ACCIDENT) was Tameka’s boy, not his. He wasn’t on Ushers “watch”, but that of a family friend. Accidents happen. Who is to say that it could not have happened even if Tameka had been there? There has to be a reason she doesn’t have custody in the first place, and even she can’t have eyes on those boys every second of every day. They have to go to school, for example. It’s a sad situation all around anyway.

        • There is a VERY good reason why Tameka was stripped of custody, and it has absolutely nothing to do with her parenting abilities. Look into the relationship between Usher, his legal counsel, and the judge who awarded him custody.

    7. I feel so sorry for her women are so cruel to one another and wonder y they get dogged by men, bc the man can c your no good heart and I’m talking about all of the negative women (mothers) that are spewing this hate hell they don’t hate Kim kardashian this much and she started w a sex tape married and pregnant w another mans child at least Tameka did hers the right way…women can be so evil and hateful

      • I understand your concern for Tameka, but if she had done it the right way, she would still be with her first husband. Instead, she was sneaking with Usher. I’m just saying…

      • you’re right …and what is this glrfc you understand the concern for Tameka but if she had done anything the right way she would still be with her exhusband? so it’s okar for kim to be married multiple times and get pregnant by another man while she’s still married? but you see something wrong with Tameka getting a divorce and then remarried ….i guess black women really are evil and spiteful to each other …it’s disgusting really

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