It’s time for another reading of the “Daily Horrorscope,” where Georgia Alfredas keeps it real by telling every astrological sign the harsh truth about themselves for today’s date of September 27th, 2022.
Aries: You just saw the man of your dreams. He has the prettiest eyes. He had on a mask. So you go to his IG page at his behest. And he has like four dead teeth.
Taurus: You played a dead body on TV One’s Fatal Attraction. You don’t need an agent.
Gemini: if your NBA boyfriend presents to you for your birthday, is to stop having sex with groupies for like an entire week and you’re thrilled with that, go find you some esteem.
Cancer: It’s September and your boyfriend, Mr. procrastinator just bought you a Christmas present for 2021.
Leo: Your new man says he’s a baller. Go to his house and he still has a Trinitron TV.
Virgo: You thought your best white friend was cool until they got pulled over by the police.
Libra: Why tell everybody, EVERYBODY your business but wanna fight when you found out somebody else told your business?
Scorpio: Your job may be a little hood if your boss hands you your check, and then ask if you can borrow $100. He know you got it.
Sagittarius: You might want to find a different place to worship if your pastor is on his fifth “break baby.”
Capricorn: Remember, spandex gets sour after about two waring’s.
Aquarius: Your new man picked you up clearly in a stolen car. You got though because it was a 2021 Mercedes Benz.
Pisces: You think Herschel Walker is sexy and also an intellectual.
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