As your go-to girlfriend, it might sound crazy for me to point out that girlfriends, as wonderful and needed as they may be, are not the end-all be-all in every area. But the truth is that sometimes, the smartest thing you can do is to acknowledge what you don’t know and then be about the business of learning. That’s what I’ve been doing on my 10+ year research project on learning men.

Through research, life experience and interviews, I found out that almost everything I thought I understood about men was wrong. The truth is I did more assuming and projecting my own personal views onto them, based on what and how I wanted them to be, instead of discovering who and how they really are. That’s why after years and years of cocktails and conversations with girlfriends, pontificating about men and relationships and all the questions that frustrated us, I decided to put my journalist background to good use. I went to the source.

Knowledge is POWER. The more knowledge you have in men, the more success you will have with men. The less knowledge you have about men, the more confusion, more frustration and PAIN you will have with them. I go in-depth on this very subject in my blog, “The Power of “Getting” Your Man.

It’s just that taking dating or relationship advice from girlfriends often makes us dumber and more stressed, because most women get women; they don’t get men — which means that 99 percent of what women think, and the meaning we place on male actions, is completely incorrect.

When you stop taking advice from friends who may not know what’s best for you, and make your own decisions, you may start to see that men actually want to connect with you mentality, emotionally and physically. How does this work? Evolution. Men are biologically wired to take care of a certain type of woman, a woman who understands her worth and that’s embraced her feminine power.

You see, once you’ve tapped into your authentic power as a woman, you no longer feel the need to lead with masculine energy.

If a man is looking for a woman, that means he’s not looking for you to act like him. Men are drawn to soft and feminine energy, not hard and masculine energy.

Feminine energy is open and pliable enough to allow him to come in – literally. We may want to protect ourselves with hard walls, but the thing about hard walls is nothing will get in. So you’re actually blocking the blessing that you want. Since we know everybody is dealing with their own issues in life, me included, although we don’t often consider the challenges that men have, let me clue you in: don’t assume that men or people in general have the time, energy or interest in beating down your walls just to be loved back.

In today’s world, most people are overwhelmed. juggling multiple balls of responsibilities as it is. So when it comes to a social life, a man is attracted to a woman who is pleasant, fun, open and adds enjoyment to his life. Not a hard case or project.

Now I know, this may not be what you want to hear from your Go-to-Girlfriend, but I have done the hard work of getting the truth from married, single and divorced men for you.  Trust me on this one.

Don’t be discouraged. We are just getting started. I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, I have created an entire series for you titled “The Man Whisperer,” a course where I will teach you about the art of communicating with men. Sign up for my newsletter at to learn more and get registered.

Best Selling Author, Producer and Relationship Expert Deya “Direct” Smith writes and produces commentary for your heart, mind and soul. She is also a producer for the Tom Joyner Morning Show, a motivational speaker, actress and social commentator and can be reached at

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