As honest and as open as many people may be within their relationships, it appears to be difficult for individuals to open up to conversations about sex. No one ever wants to be the first to unlock Pandora’s box of sexual exploits, but because sex is a major part of every romantic relationship, bringing up important sexual topics is vital for maintaining a healthy sex life. It’s time to talk! Both partners must be on the same page when coming into the bedroom, and these five conversations are definite must haves to even out the sexual playing field.
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1. Let’s talk about tests
It may seem like a buzzkill, but knowing the STD testing history is important. Sex should be care free, and the only way to achieve an ease of mind is for the body to be disease free. Dr. Laura Berman suggests, “bringing up this conversation when it is clear that a mutual attraction is present.” Opening up the conversation by leading with, “I was tested since the last time I had sex—what about you?” keeps the conversation light. Number of partners isn’t as important as having a clean bill of health, so numbers should not be discussed to avoid embarrassment or judgment.
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2. Let’s talk about turn on’s/off’s
No one comes with a manual of how to turn on his/her sexual body, so having conversations about turn on’s and turn off’s is necessary. Making and trading a list of the things that make one hot with desire or as cold as ice is a great way to study and absorb the person’s triggers. Knowing these triggers makes for a better sex session that isn’t preceded by a guessing game.
3 Let’s talk about cheating
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Everyone has a different opinion about what is considered cheating, so before any suspicion is raised about cheating, a conversation needs to ensue about what acts each partner considers to be unacceptable behavior. As a couple, make a list of acts that would be considered cheating. Is befriending an ex ok? Is sexting cheating? Is it ok to socialize with former “friends with benefits” on social media? Is casual flirting ok? These are just a few examples of things that need to be discussed early in the relationship so that both partners are on the same page of understanding before moving forward.
4. Let’s talk about love languages
When it comes to romantic love, we all give and receive it in different ways. According to Gary Chapman, author of the best-selling book “The 5 Love Languages”, there are five different ways to receive romantic love: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation or compliments, acts of service and physical touch. Keeping your partner satisfied is dependent upon knowing and understanding what acts make your partner feel loved and appreciated. Both partners can have different love languages, but both partners can be fulfilled with clear communication from each about what makes him/her feel the most loved. Dr. Laura Berman suggests writing out three sentences that start with “I feel loved when…” and sharing them with each other. It’s a great way to get a clear understanding of love languages and what matters most.
5. Let’s talk sexual evolution
As time progresses, people’s preferences and desires change, so from time to time it is necessary to have a talk about modifications in sexual interests. Evolution is a natural occurrence, so you can bet one’s sexual nature progresses as well. Check in with each other every few months to discover what changes may have taken place, and implement those practices into sexual experiences going forward. Change is a great thing, especially when it leads to greater intimacy and experiences.
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Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.
