Breaking News: I don’t know how to date! No seriously. It’s an issue that’s always been happening, but I wasn’t aware until I looked up from a long list of unsuccessful relationships, flings or whatever you want to call them.
As an almost 28-year-old woman, I have somehow figured out how to correctly apply my makeup, graduate from college and inherently know the exact moment when to flip the pancake over in the pan to garner a golden brown hue. But when it comes to dating guys, your girl is lost.
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Part of the reason is because I’m a relationship gal. I’ve had three major relationships. The first was in college with a light-skin cutie from New Jersey. I was a sophomore and he was a senior. He drove a Mustang and had hazel eyes. Ugh, he was so dreamy, and all the girls wanted him. But that fairy tale soon came to an end when he got accepted to graduate school in Cali and I took my first reporting job in Chicago. We decided to part ways on a good note and not let the relationship fizzle because of distance.
The next guy I was with wasn’t the absolute worst, but let’s just say he was the absolute worst. He brought selfishness to a new level. After I successfully pulled off a surprise birthday party and bought him some Jordans, when June 17th came around (my b-day) I think I got a partially melted cake. That’s how he showed his love.
My last relationship was three years ago when I lived in Chicago. He was a charming brown-skin dude from the South Side and a fellow writer. We were together for two years. The first year was filled with nothing but laughs and reckless love. The second year, when we decided to move in with each other and combine finances was the death of us. The stress of not knowing how to run a household, coupled with not having enough money to pay our individual bills, combined with rent was a sure-fire way to bring our young love to a close.
Afterwards, I was initially looking for a relationship. I guess you could say I was a bit naive walking into situations. But I soon learned that men (some, not all) will lie to ahem, get to the land of milk and honey, I learned that lesson the hard way. Everything would be sweet in the beginning, non-stop text messages and flowing conversation. The minute we had sex (well maybe a bit after), all of a sudden I hear “Oh, I’m busy” or even worse, nothing–you know, the no call or text back.
So because I became the unofficial brand ambassador for picking bad dudes, I’ve since, unconsciously built a wall. (Dear Lord, now I sound like a girl).
Since I have been hurt in the past, i.e. finding out via Facebook the guy I was with was “friends” with a busty brunette, or getting a phone call from another guy’s girlfriend asking “so am I the side chick or are you?” I won’t even allow myself to get excited about a guy, which in my mind means I won’t even take a date seriously.
I think I’ve conditioned myself to believe that I’ll always get disappointed (at best) or hurt. So when I’m on a date, I’m cordial, funny even flirtatious, but I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Plus, the unwritten rules when it comes to dating are so confusing! Who should text who first? When you get a text, how long should you wait before responding so you don’t look thirsty? Is it okay for you to initiate a potential hang-out? If you two have sex, does that mean you two are exclusive or does it mean you both can poke other people on Facebook?
Am I ready for a full-fledged relationship? No. But I need to learn how to go on dates, enjoy them for what they are and not 30 minutes in expect us to melt into a relationship.
Since my last relationship failure, I haven’t been on not ONE date, despite having a small hunger pang for it in the pit of my stomach. The problem of not knowing how to date has morphed into a issue of not knowing how to meet a guy. On top of that, I’ve departed from those old-fashioned rules of waiting for a man to pick me and I’m proactive about flirting with men. But, this hasn’t merited me anything or anyone, for that matter.
Is there something I’m missing? It’s a like piece of the puzzle missing. I can get a man’s attention just fine. But it’s getting them to date me and stay tuned in that’s causing me to wonder if it’s me.
Someone help! What do I do? How do I turn my bad luck with men into something fun, flirty and full of good times?
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