GOP Rep Cites Bible As Reason To Cut Aid To The Poor

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    As most of you know from scripture, Jesus Christ was a venture capitalist who gave zero damns about the varying dilemmas facing the poor.

    As he once explained to his BFF and favorite disciple, Saint Ronald Reagan, “If those po’ folks can’t get off their lazy a*ses and catch their own fish, bake their own loaves of bread, and find their own spices, it ain’t my fault!” He then proceeded to say he had no time for fake ones; [he's only here to] just sip someone’s Cristal with these real ones.

    If this version of events doesn’t sound familiar to you, you’re probably a Godless, socialist-leaning lefty who could stand to get yourself some religion. By religion, I mean capitalism, which seems to trounce all Christian dogma in the minds of conservatives like Rep. Kevin Cramer (R-ND), who last week made headlines after invoking a Biblical quote to slam the impoverished. Cramer was responding to constituent (and probable Satanist) who opposed his calls to drastically cut food stamps for the young, elderly, and poor.

    Cramer, who I presume is Christian, or at least, claims the title in order to assume elected office, told the constituent, ”If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.”

    Oh, yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of deceit and density asininity, I will fear no disingenuous simpleton.

    I’m surprised a conservative Republican would even quote from the New Testament. They’re more of an Old Testament, stone your perverse, hedonist self to death sort of group. Kind of like those Islamists they’re always raging about. Then again, Vladimir Lenin, also loved this little Thessalonians quote that Cramer cited. I wonder if Cramer knows that?

    No matter, though, because like most arguments framed by way of a Biblical citation, there’s more than likely several parts of scripture that can be employed to form a counterargument.

    With respect to the idea of the poor fending for themselves, here are a few:

    “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled. ‘Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”

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