My move to Los Angeles, CA. led me to an epiphany about the need to ask others for help.
I was so determined to be independent that the very idea of needing someone to do anything for me hurt my feelings and would bring me to tears. I’d cry and pout partly because of my pride, partly because of my only child syndrome, and partly because of fear of rejection. Further, I didn’t want to feel obligated to anyone nor have the help thrown back up in my face.
There are moments in life where you just don’t have a choice but to ask for help, like the day I needed a ride to rent a car. Anyone who’s ever been to LA knows you can barely get across the sidewalk without a car. So I reluctantly asked a musician acquaintance for a ride. As we rode I began to tell him how hard it was for me to ask for his help. I went on to describe how I was used to being the person helping others, how it was a more rewarding and comfortable position for me than being on the receiving end.
This gentleman blew me away when he suggested that perhaps I was not as giving as I thought I was; that I might actually be selfish. He said that his gift, talent or interest might actually be driving people around the city and that I almost prevented him from sharing it, had I not called. Sound like game?
Maybe. But he took his point a step further. He told me that when you try to do everything by yourself you may be preventing someone else from fulfilling their purpose and using their talents, gifts and abilities to bless you, which would ultimately bless them. He then suggested that I might be selfish by always wanting to be the giver, thus, never allowing anyone else to help. My mind raced. I could not believe it. Had I become a greedy giver?
While I could have challenged his statements, the truth is he left me speechless. What he said made sense and hit me hard. I needed to examine myself and admit that sometimes helping others was more about wanting all the glory, being a big shot, being in control. Asking for help from others made me like a helpless little girl; it made me feel like people might somehow think less of me. Somewhere in my mind I didn’t feel I deserved the help of others. If someone helped me, that meant I didn’t do things my way; or I was less accomplished. When it came down to it, I realized that I had a chip on my shoulder, I was a control freak, and that I was afraid of exposing my weaknesses, my humanity.
When we truly let down our guard to allow someone to help us, it often means that they will discern our shortcomings, and the image that they had of us might be diminished.
Someone may discover that the infrastructure in your business is weak, that you make less money than perceived, or that you’re a terrible speller. Whatever the case, it can be a humbling experience.
We all need to stop and consider that what others bring to the table may be their calling, their gift, their destiny. Accept it, let others fulfill their purpose just as you fulfill yours when you give. Don’t be a greedy giver, taking up all the blessings for yourself.
In life everyone needs to feel significant, like what they contribute means something special. News flash, you’re not the only person who can make a difference or get the job done. Don’t wait until it’s too late to ask for help. Give someone a chance to help you and reap the mutual benefits. Your life will be richer for it.
Remember, everybody needs somebody sometime…
DEYA DIRECTIVE: Stop pretending you don’t need people. We ALL do! Even independent America needs other countries. Real people draw other real people into their lives, which means they will embrace you for your strengths and your weaknesses. And when you are weak and need their support, let them help you. Don’t be the lone ranger if that is not what you really want.
Deya “Direct” Smith, is a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and host of Girlfriend FM & Beyond the Studio celebrity interviews. She is also the author of the best-selling book “Touch Yourself, 30 Ways to Live, Love and Let Go!” (www.touchmebooks.com) Deya is a life-style and inspirational speaker.
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This Week’s Celebrity Instagrams (11/26-12/2)
30 photos Launch gallery
1. Little Legend and Puddy 😍😍😍😍
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2. "You on point Phife?" "all the time,Tip". 💥 #bannedfromnormal
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3. Vegan! The Impossible burger at Crossroads
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4. Lawrence #BeforeandAfterEpisodes 1-4: 184lbs 13% body fatEpisode 8: 196lbs 8% body fat S/O @coachdaveboxing with the works outs and @kildareriordan with the nutrition
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5. Jus haaaanngin out
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6. Meanwhile back at home in Atlanta GA someone mad they not on the 🛳. 😳
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7. No limits... Photo cred: Chris Bridges @ludacris
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8. new new
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9. Apparently my 260lbs is too much for the actual vines in the Hawaiian jungles to hold me without breaking and me falling hundreds of feet. So for safety purposes, I'm forced to swing thru #Jumanjj on wires strong enough to hold 12 adult buffaloes and 1 adult Rock. #OnSet #Jumanji #IronicallyIEatBuffaloDailyForLunch #MoreManThanNatureKnowsWhatToDoWith
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10. hey ma! 🎎#wcw 💙
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11. Surprise visit to our factories!!! #GoodAmerican #USA
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13. Peachy Keen 🔥✨⚡️
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14. If this don't look thankful I don't know what does. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. #UltraBlessed #24kMagic #SweetPotatoFly
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15. Late nights @nbcmarlon with the writers... we in here!!!
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16. There goes my baaaaaaaaabbbbyyyyy #QueenKingMagic!!! We're up to something! Ira BIG!!! Stay out our buisness -
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17. You want to win every game you play but when you come home to these faces... who cares. #ILoveYouGirls best part of my day, everyday!
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18. Steady,steady..... full size jenga.. "I got this one "???? Or do I ?
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19. Cornrows kind of day 😉@dontaysavoy2 you convinced me and I love. ❤️️
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20. #BrotherlyLove #tbt
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22. #basel #TeamLOVE @kingcombs
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23. Just introduced a special screening of @directher 's groundbreaking (must see) documentary @13thfilm with my brother @themichaelealy | @unitedblackout #blackoutblackfriday
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24. Me & Vanessa Williams giving #DuckLips #Pose on the set of #DaytimeDivas @vh1 - Coming Soon to a tv near you. Lol. - My make up done by @makeupsurgeon
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25. This picture just makes me wanna praise the Lord, you hear me!!!!!! Yes Lord brotha #TEDDYCAMPBELL What a #man !!! You are everything right on this picture husband ......... #gorgeous #stylish #classy #strong #masculine #king #sexy #debonair #gentlemenstyle And that #bible in your hand just seals the deal for me (probably cause i know that, that is what helped you become just as amazing as you look😘). While my heart and mind experiences the goodness of God at #church on Sundays, my eyes experiences the goodness of Teddy😍. Amen somebody🙌🏽. "Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name" #myman #myhusband #goodman #blackman #dapperman #godlyman #goodfather #mybestfriend
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26. Yesterday was my mama's 53rd birthday!!!!! Got to celebrate with her all day. If this is what I have to look forward to I can't wait. Looking like a soft bucket a cocoa butter. Yaaaaaaaaaas! 😍😍😍 love you mommy!
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27. "Shout out to @PureAtlanta for getting the family right"....I'm loving this jogger. 😍😍
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28. This pic warms my heart ❤️ #myLogiebeans and aunt aunt umba @itowandabraxton 😘
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29. You will always be my baby😜. #HappyBirthdayReginae #mybaby18
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30. GC "Gods Child" Red on Red SweatSuit available now at www.MonicaApparel.com ... Take Your Crown wherever you go!! I'm pictured in a Medium... Go to the site now for other options ... cc: @trukernell
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