What does it take for a man to be faithful?

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  • Who’s drinking the jump-off juice? It’s like Bebe’s kids have been reinvented – jump-off’s don’t die; they multiply! Every time you turn on the news lately, another high-profile cheating scandal is being revealed – Tiger, Tiki Barber, Shaq, Steven Seagal, and even Larry “old azz” King!

    While I realize that infidelity has been around since the beginning of time, I have to say that with the onslaught of all the revelations in the media, particularly about cheating men, my faith in an honest-to-goodness faithful man is fading. I know they exist, but what does is take for them be or become faithful?

    Most recently, we heard about the husband of actress/model Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon, best known from the show, “NYPD Blue” and as Fancy from “The Jamie Foxx Show,” who put her husband’s indiscretions on blast. Now, she’s a beautiful woman who’s got her model body back after twins. When the successful, fit and fine can’t keep her man home – a white man, in this case, which eliminates the idea that a man other than a brother will definitely treat you better – all I can ask is this: What does it really take for a man to be faithful?

    What we know for sure is that no matter what changes a woman takes herself through – praying, working out, cooking, cleaning, sex (freaky and often), having children, giving him your all and more – none of these things are guaranteed to keep your man home. Why?

    I used to think that if I could just find a man who loves the Lord, then his morals and priorities would be intact; he’d be guided by God and, for that reason, I could trust him. Unfortunately, there are too many testimonies that prove that’s not foolproof either.

    I asked a good friend of mine, who’s been married for 30 years, about this. He’s had his own challenges in his relationship, but they’re still together. So I asked, “What does it take to for a man to be faithful?” His response: Getting caught!

    Really, seriously, and for how long?

    The character and commitment of an individual must come from within. So I need to hear from some men who are getting it done faithfully with one woman. Enlighten us.

    Are we women deceiving ourselves? Is it unrealistic or unnatural to expect a man, with all these jump-off options, to actually be loving and faithful to only one?

    What about if you’re not married yet? Should you expect a person that you’re dating seriously to be faithful before marriage? For those that say no, then are you setting yourself or someone else up for failure? Let’s talk about it.

    One thing is for sure: Men generally exercise their options, whereas women get their eyes locked in on one man, and that’s all they can focus on. Is it time for women to start playing the field more? Do we need to keep a team of players on the bench and, as they come up to bat, see who can hit the home run? Are we choosing the best man, as opposed to the man that’s just there?

    Most grown women who are trying to build something with someone don’t want to go through all that. I submit that we’re less interested in playing games, and we’d rather close the deal. But maybe it’s time to try a new tactic. If men want to play games, then line them up and play ball. See who scores.

    Now, the only challenge with that is often, even after a man does what he needs to do in order to win a woman’s heart, it seems like after the chase and challenge is over, once she’s given into love, that’s when he retreats. Gentlemen, is it all about the chase? What gives?

    What satisfies you? When is enough enough?

    Deya “Direct” Smith, is a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and host of Girlfriend FM and Beyond the Studio celebrity interviews on BlackAmericaWeb.com. She is also a motivational speaker, actress and social commentator. She can be reached at DeyaDirect@aol.com.

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