It’s time for another reading of the “Daily Horrorscope,” where Alfredas keeps it real by telling every astrological sign the harsh truth about themselves for today’s date of May 18th, 2022.
Get the cliff notes below:
Aries: If your new man judges you by the looks of your last man. That relationship wasn’t going to last anyway.
Taurus: Why are you at Dunkin Donuts? Holding up the line… Asking how many calories are in every donut?
Gemini: You wanted to be reelected and you hate gays. But your home movies tell a different story.
Cancer: Your eyelashes may be too long. If they look like sun visors.
Leo, why do people in the neighborhood call your drunk uncle over when things need to be fixed.
Virgo: You are wrong for noticing everything wrong with anybody else and everybody else. However, you never notice anything about yourself
Libra: our man may be slow if he thought streaming had something to do with peeing in a toilet.
Scorpio: Why did the DoorDash driver ask you for an additional tip because he ain’t enough of your fries out the bag?
Sagittarius. Why do all dudes with dreads look alike?
Capricorn: You don’t drink. You don’t smoke. And you still think Lil Wayne is fine. Maybe you should drink.
Aquarius: It is not sexy sending the new girl a picture of yourself in a bubble bath.
Pisces: Why your new man just say he has to go poopy. I gotta go poop.