Get Well Wednesday: Are Millenials Entitled?
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An article published recently in Psychology Today reports that so-called millennials (born roughly between 1988 and 1994) are developing an entitlement complex – believing they are superior to others and are more deserving of certain things.
BASED ON YOUR EXPERIENCE, DO MOST MILLENNIALS FEEL SOME FORM OF ENTITLEMENT THAT THE PRIOR GENERATIONS DID NOT?
I have observed that some (not all) millennials seem to believe that they are owed certain privileges or that they deserve certain privileges. Millennials tend to value individualism more than valuing a group. For example, some millennials do not seem to fully grasp the effort their parents had to exert to accomplish their current economic status; instead those millennials expect to receive a high salary immediately upon graduating from college.
Millennials are more likely to expect to have jobs that provide work flexibility, such as more vacation or being able to work from home. Compared to previous generations, millennials tend to be more tolerant and are more accepting of people who have different views, such as race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, etc.
WHY DO YOU BELIEVE MILLENNIALS FEEL ENTITLED OR IS IT MORE THE PERCEPTION OF THEM THAN IT IS A REALITY?
There is a growing body of research exploring the attitudes and behaviors of Millennials. Research is mixed. However, there is emerging evidence that millennials have an inflated sense of self and exhibit more narcissistic tendencies. Older generations may report these behaviors of entitlement, but now research is starting to verify this observation.
WHY ARE MILLENNIALS MORE ACCEPTING OF EACH OTHER’S DIFFERENCES, UNLIKE PRIOR GENERATIONS?
Research suggests that societies that value individualism tend to be more tolerant of differences. When one person views another as an individual (rather than part of a group), then at person is less likely to expect specific behaviors or beliefs from that individual. This is why mlllennials tend to be more tolerant of other views.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS TYPE OF NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOR?
Narcissism can damage interpersonal relationships. People with narcissistic tendencies are at a higher risk of having problems in maintaining healthy romantic relationships and compromising with co-workers. When a person has an inflated sense of self, this can place them at risk of having anxiety or depression if their expectations are not met.
WHAT CAN PARENTS DO TO ENHANCE THE POSITIVE ASPECTS OF THIS BEHAVIOR WHILE DISCOURAGING THE NEGATIVE ASPECTS?
We need to teach our children to have empathy and to see their role within the greater society. It is good to tell our children encouraging words, but it is not good to give our children the impression that the world revolves around them.
THERE SEEMS TO BE MORE EMPHASIS ON INDIVIDUALITY THAN WITH PREVIOUS GENERATIONS, DOES THAT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM FEELING ENTITLED TO CERTAIN THINGS?
Yes. Each generation since World War II has developed an increasing sense of individualism—Baby Boomers, Generation Xers, and now millennials. However, compared to previous generations, millennials have been found to have the greatest sense of individualism. Millennials also have a very positive view of themselves, their skills, abilities, and talents. With an inflated sense of self, a person is more likely to feel entitled than those who do not have an inflated sense of self.
DO MILLENNIALS TEND TO BE MORE FLUID WITH THEIR SEXUALITY? WHY?
Interestingly, research is suggesting that Millennials are less sexually active than Generation Xers were at the same age. Millennials have fewer sexual partners and are less likely to be sexually active than their parents were at the same age. There are a number of possible reasons, one being that many millennials still live at home with their parents and have less privacy and independence due to economic factors.
Another possible reason for less high risk sexual behaviors is that millennials grew up during the time of the HIV and AIDS epidemic in the 1990s and have had more school-based sex education courses teaching safer sex methods. Millennials are more accepting of diverse sexual orientations, fluidity of gender identity and pre-marital sex.
Same-sex sexual relationships are more accepted among Millennials compared to previous generations. I am not sure WHY this change is, but research has found that each generation from Baby Boomers to Gen Xers to Millennials have increasingly accepted various sexual orientations.
Dr. Adiaha Spinks Franklin is a board-certified developmental-behavioral pediatrician and owner of D-B-P doc — a consultation, training and evaluation service company. Dr. Spinks Franklin practices at Texas Children’s hospital and she’s an assistant professor of pediatrics for Baylor College of Medicine.
Dr.Adiaha Spinks Franklin answers your Text Tom Questions on the next page.
The financial responsibility component also seems to be lacking for the millennials. Do you agree?
Research has found that more Millennials are living at home with their parents than previous generations did at the same age. Many Millennials came of age during the Great Recession, so when they graduated from high school and college, the unemployment rate was high, so there were not many good-paying jobs available to them.
There is also a shift in societal expectations that Millennials live independently as more parents “helicopter” their children (are overprotective and shelter their children a lot); therefore, it is no longer considered inappropriate for a 20-something to still live with their parents. As a result of these factors, Millennials have not even had the same opportunities for financial independence as previous generations (i.e., Baby Boomers, Generation Xers) had, so Millennials are more financially dependent on their parents.
What do you suggest for dealing with the “M” generation that has an inflated sense of self, but lack the personal drive and record of achievement to have that ego?
This is a challenge that is being debated in the research. When Millennials step into the “real world”, they are faced with a big reality check when they realize that the world really does not evolve around them. This group of young people really need coaching on perspective-taking, working in groups, and managing their own expectations.
In teaching them perspective-taking, we should continue to reinforce that not everyone believes what that individual believes and that people have other thoughts and opinions that are just as valuable as their own; perspective-taking helps develop empathy, which reduces a sense of entitlement.
With Millennials being more individualistic, research suggests they may have more problems working in groups, which is a very important job skill. Therefore, we should coach our Millennials in the art of negotiation, compromising, and give-and-take that is necessary for healthy interpersonal and work relationships.
Finally, teaching young adults to recognize that their expectations may not align with reality can be a challenge. Research has found that Millennials really do see themselves as very smart, capable, and talented, even when the evidence is to the contrary. Therefore, if a Millennial applies for a job s/he is not qualified for, they may experience significant distress in not getting the job because they perceived themselves to have been very qualified for the job. We should help them have a more realistic view of their own skills and talents.
Doc, what can we do about the kids of today? How do we bring them back to reality?
This is a philosophical question that parents have asked throughout time. One major contributor to narcissistic thinking among Millennials (or any person) is when parents teach their child that the child is more important than anyone else, when parents rationalize or make excuses for the child’s bad behaviors, and when parents do not hold children accountable for their actions.
For example, if a teacher informs a parent of their child’s inappropriate behaviors in class, the parents should then talk to the teacher and child together about the incident rather than immediately jumping to the child’s defense without all the facts. No child is perfect; all children make mistakes. Children lie to get out of trouble. This is just the way humans are wired. Therefore, we have to teach responsibility, empathy, and compassion to our children to try and reduce their narcissistic tendencies.
How do we correct their mindset?
It is challenging to correct the mindset of a 20-something. Training children to be compassionate, empathetic, and humble starts at birth. However, we can encourage our young adults to take responsibility for their actions by holding them responsible and not making excuses for their bad behaviors.
We can model empathy by acknowledging other people’s opinions and valuing different perspectives, rather than ridiculing or criticizing opinions we do not agree with. (We can disagree without being disagreeable). Parents can model compassion to others around us and encouraging our children to be compassionate (e.g., encourage your Millennial to volunteer their time at a local shelter, food pantry, or animal pound).
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