All parents want to see their children grow up to be happy, healthy adults who achieve greatness. But, what is greatness? Although many have their own definition for greatness, I view greatness as that spark of innate genius which enables and motivates us to lead happy, fulfilled lives. Recognizing greatness as an inner quality that we’re born with empowers you as a parent to proactively and intentionally cultivate it within your children, so they can show up in the world with a daring attitude, prepared to face challenges, fortified to embrace their big visions, take big action and conquer what others say cannot be done. This is the essence of what it means to be mentally great.
Preparing your child to be mentally great is about arming them with a deep knowingness about who they are, what they can do and how they can use their power in the world to make it a better place. Children who are mentally great embrace failure, are resilient and become emotionally healthy adults who have the spirit, grit and drive required to light up the world with their gifts and unique capacities.
Over the past decade, as a family education consultant and classroom teacher, I have identified two key practices that parents can use to unearth the mentality of greatness within their children:
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1. Name it! In my classroom I explicitly tell my students, “You are great. You are master students who are excellent, and because you’re excellent you have certain qualities and habits that other excellent people have. It’s our job to develop those qualities and habits, and to nurture your excellence and greatness every day.”
Why do I do this? I’m enrolling my students in the mentality of greatness. I want to remind them that they are born great, but it’s their job to develop their greatness through daily discipline. I teach them that each day they have an opportunity to develop and promote their greatness. I asked each of my middle school students to list 50 qualities of greatness. You’d be surprise to know that kids, even as young as five, already have some big ideas about what it means to be great.
As a parent it’s important to name greatness as a core quality that your child has. Point it out when you see them operating from greatness. As you name it, you’ll give rise to their ability to see, believe in and own their greatness. If children know that their parents believe in them, they will believe in themselves. Conversely, if your parents don’t believe in you, who will? Laying the foundation of self-confidence is essential.
2. Brain training! The psychological and biological benefits of a healthy brain have been widely reported and are key to living out greatness. Since learning takes place on a cellular level, and is a highly emotional event as well, it’s important to engage in brain training to develop emotional confidence and cognitive dexterity.
Emotional Confidence
We want children to be bold enough to express themselves, yet wise enough to know how and when it’s appropriate to share what’s going on for them internally. Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, states, “[parents] need to be comfortable talking about feelings. This is part of teaching emotional literacy – a set of skills we can all develop, including the ability to read, understand, and respond appropriately to one’s own emotions and the emotions of others. When great people encounter resistance, they have tools to process their emotions.” Give your child a list of words to help them communicate their internal feelings. Dr. Gloria Wilcox developed what she calls a “Feeling Wheel” to help hone in on the exact language around the feelings one might be having. Use this chart as a guide to expand your child’s emotive language bank.
Cognitive Dexterity
Cognitive dexterity is the ability to think and act, quickly and gracefully. One way to develop cognitive dexterity is to teach your child to grapple with and ask quality questions. Great people are not afraid to ask great questions. We have to encourage our children to engage in deep discussions about what it means to live, have good friends and to be great.
The University of Washington’s Center for Philosophy for Children (UWCPC) is a wonderful resource for helping you to engage with your child by asking deep, high-quality questions that are essential to life. Believe it or not, children as young as seven can engage in these types of discussions. Of course, as they get older their answers will change, but what’s important is that you empower them to think about an idea and to share their thoughts with others.
Challenge your children to think about the world around them. For example, when they ask you about homelessness, move beyond the surface answers and engage them in a discussion about how, why and possible solutions. Asking high quality questions that move beyond “yes” and “no” answers is essential to promoting the mental stamina that most American children lack when it comes to problem solving. Some key question stems are, “What if…”, “I wonder how…”, and “Does… or… determine…?”
Daily cognitive calisthenics promote the creative, empathetic and critical thinking needed to improve your child’s adroitness and stretch their thinking to see new possibilities and relationships between ideas, all of which are the cornerstones of greatness.
Employing these smart strategies will help you to hone in on your child’s core competencies while helping them become self-directed learners and mentally great, ready to light up the world up with their talents!
