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I would imagine, a lot of people had the same reaction I did when news of NFL player Adrian Peterson being charged for abusing his child went viral.

“If our parents had been arrested for whipping us with a belt or switch, they’ d all been in jail,’”

“Other races don’t understand our culture.”

“If more kids got whipped with switches our society would be better off.

From Twitter to the barber shop, cable news to the pulpit, the backyard to the break room, Black people had been having these conversations…until….they saw the pictures.  Even most of us who think our parents should have been up on charges never had our skin broken by any object wielded by a mom or dad.  Add to that the age of the baby,four, and anyone with any compassion had to feel that the punishment was excessive and even criminal.

Not only are there a lot better ways to discipline a four year old but as a mom, I know now there’s a lot to be considered before doling out punishment like the personality of the child.  My sister was so afraid of being spanked she would do everything in her power to keep it from happening.  I, on the other hand, would test my mom.  And I’d pay for it every time.

Last week I enlisted my bestie in helping me find out first hand (well, via Facebook) who got whippings growing up and what they received their last whipping for. And boy did we get a lot of responses.

The first thing we need to make clear is the distinction between spankings (something a small child gets), a whipping (something you get in the suburbs) and a whoopin’ or whuppin’  (something you get in the country or inner-city or something given by someone from the country or inner-city).

The common most whippings/whoopins/whoppin were for talking back/back talking or sassing adults and breaking curfew.

Some of the responses were very sad.  Most children and adults clearly recognize the difference between discipline and abuse.  The “reasons” for abuse varied from “because I wasn’t his child,” to “because I reminded my mom too much of my daddy.

Then there were some people who didn’t consider certain acts abusive that many people would, like getting ice cold water dumped on you while you were sleeping, then having to take the mattress outside in the dead of winter or getting your nose and mouth busted.

Some of your offenses were downright terrible like playing with matches and setting the curtains on fire, coming home drunk on a school night at age 14, and putting holes in grandpa’s water hose with darts. (who does that? Lol)

And hilarious like getting spanked before going in the store because “grandma’s spirit told her to hit me,” (probably had it coming) and graduating from spankings to lectures and wishing mama could go back to spankings because “at least those ended.”

I deliberately didn’t use names to protect the innocence all involved but I had to break my own rule to make the point on this one.

“I got spanked in the first grade for not being able to spell my name.”  Her name is Thelaniece.

I was surprised at how many people said they did NOT spank their kids.   I’m in that camp. I agree that there are other ways to get your children’s attention that may be more meaningful.

Most of the physical punishment the people we polled took place from adolescent to teen years and that makes sense. Those are clearly the most challenging and confusing times for both the child and the adult.  More and more studies are proving that the goofy things we did and our kids do during those ages really are due to the brain developing at a rapid speed.  There are scientific reasons as to why teenagers are daring, hard-headed and moody.

I would never try to persuade people to change the way they’re raising their children but I would like to suggest these two things:

  1. Consider the information that’s available and try not to do what your parents did, simply because that’s the way they did it and B. Consider that some of the violence our parents and ancestors are mimicking comes directly from slave masters who punished our forefathers and mothers with harsh beatings and even death.

Whatever form of discipline you choose, the key has to be a combination of firmness and warmth, according to Temple University Professor Laurence Steinberg. Studies of all kids, black and white prove this is the most effective way.

Your posts prove it as well.  Most of you could  see the benefit of your punishment when it was accompanied with love regardless of  what method was used.  Here are some other thing he says that have proven to work best:

  1. There’s nothing wrong with explaining to your child why he is being punished, that it’s in his best interest and not because you’re angry and had bad day.
  1. Enforcing a rule one day and then letting up on it the next day is not a good form of parenting.   Stand with your partner, agree on the rules and don’t waiver…even when it’s more convenient for you to do so. (Why should you have to miss out on going to the movies because your daughter is grounded?  Because you’re the adult and you can afford the sacrifice in order to make the bigger point, right?
  1. Physical punishment and yelling is ineffective and can have harmful consequences when there’s no warmth involved. Discipline is an act of love.  If you didn’t love your children you wouldn’t do it. Abuse is an act of anger, irrationality and mental disorder.  If you’re doing it, get help.

Adrian Peterson has become the poster child for child abuse and I’m not sure if losing his job was the answer.  A better solution would have been was to make sure he received counseling. If anything good has come of us public humiliation and possible loss of livelihood is it did get a much needed conversation going again about what’s right and wrong about hitting a child.

Where do you stand on the issue?

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