Is it just me or has there been more news than usual about violence and dysfunction within families lately.  A state senator from Virginia was stabbed by his son who then killed himself, an Ohio couple will most likely face abandonment charges for leaving their 9-year-old adopted son with welfare officials, teenagers playing the “knock out” game which involves attempting to knock strangers out cold with a single punch are just a few that made headlines this month. And then there’s one about troubled singer Chris Brown reportedly shattering the window of his mom’s car with a rock as she ended her visit at his rehab facility.

This isn’t the worst story but it is disturbing for a lot of reasons, partly because Chris Brown is a celebrity whose life is falling apart before our eyes.

As a mother of sons, this news made me pause and try my best to imagine what his mom must be going through.  She’s one of thousands of women dealing with sons who for whatever reason have become a threat to others.   The Chris Brown we read about and whose antics we watch on TMZ and YouTube is just one part of  the young man that Joyce Hawkins knows and loves.

Most of us only know Chris Brown as a kid who would have and should have been one of the biggest pop stars since Michael Jackson.  He had the talent, the look and the cross over appeal that would have allowed him to write his own ticket to success.  He was the kind of artist who could fill an arena with little boys and girls, teens, and parents., and everyone could have a good time.

But when the photos of Rihanna’s battered face hit the media, he was done.

Depending on who you talked to he was either a woman-beating monster or a troubled kid acting out what he’d seen in his own home between his parents.

His and Rihanna’s relationship continues to this day to fascinate the media and the public.  And it seems like six months can’t go by without Chris Brown being arrested for assault.  We watch and comment because there’s not much else we can do, not for Chris.

But if we think that what’s happened to him is an anomaly, it isn’t.

Whether you’re visiting an alternative school or detention hall, a juvenile facility or a maximum-security prison, it will most likely be disproportionately filled with African American boys, teens or men.  Not all, but most are victims of circumstances that unfairly placed them in situations where the odds were against them from the start.

If you can read this and think to yourself how blessed you are that you are raising a boy or boys in a loving, supportive environment with positive male role models, where spiritual and moral values are embraced and education and a strong work ethic are being instilled, don’t pat yourself on the back.  Be thankful, but always recognize that your boys and men will have to face a world filled with males who have gotten none of those good things.   And to be honest, I’m not sure to how to get mine ready for that world.   Are you?

All I know is this Tweet from Chris Brown’s mom should have us praying for her and the parents of every black boy, including the couple who just didn’t have the strength to continue to raise the child they’ve had since he was infant:

“My angel with broken wings, God love(s)you so much and I do as well.”

This Thanksgiving if you can expose a child to life better than the one he or she is used to, that’s a good start.   If you’re a mentor or have benefited from one, please share your story.

13 thoughts on “Chris Brown’s Mom Is Not Alone

  1. 55th st silverbacks on said:

    although it is true that a mother can raise a boy child , it is wrong to believe that she is able to raise him with the skills needed to be a man. ONLY A MAN CAN PROVIDE THE LESSONS AND EXAMPLE OF MANHOOD. as a child i was raised by a great women (my grandmother) she gave the the skills to make it , however she was not prepared to teach me the SPECIAL SKILLS that a young black youth needs in america. WE ARE UNLIKE ANY OTHER NATIONALITY EVEN OUR OWN AFRICAN BROTHERS & SISTERS. and the history of blacks in america gives evidence that we have been singled out for elimination. OUR SISTERS CAN PREPARE US AND MAKE US STRONGER BUT MY FATHER GIVE ME UNEQUALED COURAGE AND FORTITUDE.

  2. Just a comment / prayer from a mom whose daughter got her hooked on loving Chris: we love you: get the help needed for the drugs and mental health and take your spot again. You messed up, but it is not the end of your life: we love you: stay strong and God Bless and Keep you

  3. Chris Brown is a prime example of fame and fortune with a ghetto mentality. Chris can buy homes, nice cars but he can’t buy Common Sense, decorum and respect for women. However, he can use that money to get help but he doesn’t want to stay in rehab longer enough to get his angry under control. I pray by the time he’s a Father, this angry and disrespect for women will no longer be a problem for him. With professional help and the Lord, Chris can do it but not alone.

  4. The current state of the black community proves all children need to be raised with a father!! Why would anyone want to raise a child without a father present? The idea alone is backwards and subhuman. Obviously our community has not been completely healed from slavery. Depriving a child of a balanced home only creates troubled people something that a so called A!s whooping can’t heal. If at all possible two parents need to be in every home.

  5. A single Mother can raise a male child with out them growing up dysfunctional. It’s been done over and over. Just because a male doesn’t have a father inside the home doesn’t mean that they will grow up to be rouges or gay. People need to quit making excueses. Raise your children the best way you know how to! You have married couples with children and one ends up doing all the parenting and “don’t turn out right”. Chris needed/needs his little azz whooped!! He is a bratty little boy in a grown mans body.

  6. At some point people will realize how important it is to have Fathers in the home especially when you have a son. To much emphasis in our culture is placed on the Mother, parenting is a balancing act not a one sided show. It is outside of nature for children not to have a Father in the home to provide structure, discipline and a tougher love that Mothers cannot provide. People must be accountable for who they lay down with if he is not good enough to raise a child with then you should probably not sleep with him, and their would be less troubled youth in the world.

  7. Chris, needs his butt whooped!! He got that bad, throwing stuff at people, he wouldn’t throw nothing else when I got through with his little rotten azz.

  8. I am a strong advocate of both parents raising a child, but whether a single parent or a two parent household all children, and especially our boys, need affirmation, affection, and accountability on a regular basis (not just when they are under 10 years of age). Not one of these entities should be imposed more than the other there has to be balance between the three or it could cause a dangerous misconception of reality. I feel bad for Chris. It appears he has not had too much affection and not enough affirmation and accountability in his life.

  9. Chris Brown will not get better until he admits he actually has a problem. His interview with Jet left me with the impression that he wasn’t taking his issues with the law serious. He appeared to be going through the motions to stay out of jail and not trying to get better. He has the means to get all the help he needs, but he has to first admit he needs help. Until he comes to that conclusion, he will continue down the path of destruction.

    Hopefully the light bulb won’t come on after he’s sitting in a cell doing some hard time.

  10. Was blessed to mentor Donald. who came to me when he was 11 or 12. his mom allowed be to be that positive role model for him. he has finished school had some college and is becoming a successful musician. being a musician myself it gives me great joy. Donald is 31 now and sstarting a family of his own. hoping i made a difference in his life causing him to be an ever present force in his son’s life.

  11. soulpip1 on said:

    Chris Brown (bless his heart) should make sure he gets into more trouble and be sent to prison with hard labor for 6 months to a year and see what happens to him next. We may just have given up on this one. He’s totally in God’s hands now.

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