Huggy Lowdown announces this week’s “Bama of the Week” but in this case one special celebrity is named “Bama for Life” and after his recent jail sentence it’s not hard to guess who it is.
TOM JOYNER: And now it’s time for the Celebrity Snitch, Huggy Low Down. Huggy!
HUGGY LOWDOWN: What’s the deal, Pickles, is everything kosher?
TOM JOYNER: Yeah, everything’s kosher.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Tom Joyner.
TOM JOYNER: Huggy Low Down.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Sybil Wilkes.
SYBIL WILKES: Hi, Hug.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: And Jay Anthony Brown.
J. ANTHONY BROWN: What up, Hug?
HUGGY LOWDOWN: Damn, February was so Kirk Franklin, Black History Month is gone, just like the history of black women J dated. Out of here. It’s a wrap. No Mas Negro Census Bureau. Shiggity. J like the black male version of Taylor Swift. J like his women to be the color of Taylor Swift, and then you get rid of them like Taylor Swift. Ay ya’ll, it’s literally first Friday.
SYBIL WILKES: Yes, it is.
HUGGY LOWDOWN: So let’s March first to these week’s contenders. Hey, real quick, did John know that I got stripped at my comedy show last night at Scandalos.
TOM JOYNER: What?
SYBIL WILKES: What?
HUGGY LOWDOWN: First time in my life, y’all. I was scared to perform afterwards. I tell you, ever since Katt got caught with that gat even the comedians getting the pat.
Contender number one, Jet Editor Mitzi Miller for her comments about our girl Fantasia being illiterate. First Jet used an old photo of Fantasia, then Mitzi Miller proceeded to half ass apologize on Facebook like the was Gone With the Wind fabulous.
Contender number two, the E channel for calling Octavia Spencer, Viola Davis Sunday at the Oscars. Well, they must’ve been off that E themselves. But it could’ve been worse. They could’ve said she was Gabourey Sidibe.
Contender number three, all you gladiators and “Scandaholics” that got stood up by Scandal last night. Damn, people didn’t know what to do. Women was acting like Rerun was like Armageddon or something. They was pissed like the stick on an early pregnancy test. I heard Jacque Reid was on Twitter about to cut her wrist with a spork.
Contender number four, Jermaine Jackson, for legally changing his last name from Jackson, to Jacksun. At first I thought he did it because he don’t love them o’s, but that’s not true because you and your brother got babies by the same nose, you census bureau negros. Joe Jackson needs to give you one of his ass whoopings.
Contender number five, Michael Winans, Jr., one of the Winans family member using his family good gospel name to Ponzi scheme people out of their money. You tried to taint your family good gospel name? It’s always that one family member that shames your family name. I mean just ask Bernard Lewinski about he feel about his daughter, Monica. Making their last name suck.
Bobby [Brown], you’re going to jail now because the census bureau is replacing negro with your name. Getting 55 days for your third DUI? Who knew? Puffy got Ciroc, Dre got the beats, Bobby Brown, the breathalyzer. You ain’t the “Bama of the Week”, you the “Bama for life”.