Ask any real mom what’s going on, and she’ll tell you a lot. And if she’s like the moms I know, she aint lyin’. But as much time as we spend doing work, church, rehearsals, appointments, school, mani-pedis, yoga, et al, we have to make time to nurture, maintain and rejuvenate our relationships with our men. If you’re “squeezing in time” for your significant other, or used to when you had one, this Mama is talking to you.
Nothing taught me more about what men want and need more than having two little boys. Not to minimize their needs or to put them on a child’s level, but it’s clear to me that my when boys become men, many of their basic needs will stay the same. They want to be fed. They want to be hugged. They want to be praised, even when – no, especially when – they seem like they need it least.
Click here to hear Nikki Woods’ “What in the Weekend?” report.
If you watch the latest episode of “Mamas Gone Wild,” you’ll hear moms talking about how, by the time they get home, give their kids dinner, help them with homework and get a moment from themselves, when bed time comes, they no longer have that much to give. That means they’re giving their men the bare minimum, the corner, the leftovers … whatever you want to call it, it isn’t enough. And it’s something we all need to work on. Sometimes it goes beyond not having time to spend with our mates; it’s the attitudes we have when we’re with them. If we’re rolling our eyes, working our necks, complaining about work, griping about the kids and barking out orders to them, that isn’t sexy at all. Sometimes all they want is a smile and a hug.
I can hear some of you already: “What about what I need? I’ve been driving these kids around all day! I’ve been in meetings with my boss all afternoon! I’m the one the teacher calls when the homework we worked on the evening before never makes it to the classroom!” Okay, stop, take a deep breath and exhale. We’ve got a “Mamas Gone Wild” episode coming up just for you in the near future. We hear you, we feel you, we got you … but not today.
Let’s look at our men – our black men in particular. If they’re working, I can almost guarantee that the pressure they get and disrespect they are shown is an issue. If the president of the United States is getting it, just imagine what it’s like at your man’s job. And if he isn’t working OR is under employed and/or making less than you are, that adds a whole other level. “Mamas Gone Wild” guest Kimberly had the word of the week: Emasculate.” If you don’t know what it means, look it up, and then make it a point not to do it. It happens in all kinds of ways that we may not even be aware of too. When you clown him in front of the kids, when you talk about what he hasn’t done instead of what he has done, when you don’t lift him up in more ways then one, you’re insulting him as a man.
Yes, we have a lot of jobs to do, and one of them is to make our men, if they’re making an effort, happy to be at home.
We dig deep in meetings. We dig deep for our kids. We are mothers; we know how to make something out of nothing. So, when it’s almost gone, let’s work our magic and go the extra mile to let our men know they’re appreciated.
Click here for the fifth and latest episode of “Mamas Gone Wild.”
Nikki Woods is senior producer of “The Tom Joyner Morning Show.” The author of “Easier Said Than Done,” the Dallas-based Woods is currently working on her second and third novels. You can friend her on Facebook or follow her on Twitter: @nikkiwoods.