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Who loves the black woman?

I’ve been seeing a lot of commentary in response to my series, “Love and Marriage.” I’ve been reading even more commentary about interracial relationships, especially with the high-profile relationships of Kim and Khloe Kardashian. Many sisters who desire to be in a relationship with a successful black man – have a love-hate relationship with the Kardashians. We may enjoy their fabulousity, but it’s yet again another reminder that brothers often prefer others over us.

Of course, this makes one wonder, who really does love us? Are we even lovable anymore? All we seem to hear is that we’re mean, bossy, not sexual enough, too sexual, too fat, too talkative, too needy, nag too much, are too hard – and the list goes on. Well, dammit, what are we good for?

Can a sista get some positive reinforcement? Somebody – especially brothers – can you stroke us a little? Life is hard for us too. We work hard. We struggle. We feel rejection everyday. We are vulnerable and emotional and need to feel pretty, valued and appreciated too. Where is the love? What you often consider as complaining and nagging is often us crying out for the love we want and so desperately need. By the time we say something to you, the pain has built up, and it often comes out as anger. Have you ever considered that? If you know us so well, why can’t you appreciate that the hard exterior we’re perceived to have is for the protection of our soft hearts?

Ladies, tired of holding your breath for that ideal brother’s love or for him to finally get you? Well, maybe it’s time to stop complaining and suffering in silence. Do something different! Open yourself up to someone else other than a brother. Men of other cultures do appreciate the beauty of black women, just ask Pepa! But we rarely allow them the opportunity to learn about our inner beauty. We don’t give them the time of day because we are too loyal – that’s right, I said it! There comes a time in every situation that one should realize, if you keep putting yourself in the same scenario in which you’re constantly getting hurt, then that’s a form of self-abuse.

Today – not tomorrow – start exploring. Step out of your comfort zone! You might be surprised by what you like. Break free; the world is much bigger than your personal square! Go someplace different from the norm where you can meet people from different backgrounds. Isn’t it interesting that we have fought for desegregation, and yet we self-segregate on a daily basis?

(NOTE: Check out my interview with Sheree from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” as she opens up about trying interracial dating.) CLICK HERE to listen to interview.

Besides, it’s been confirmed by many black women that the sexual myths about white men and others are absolutely not true. And in fact, you may find men from other cultures to be far more attentive to meeting your needs – emotionally and beyond. Love awaits you, ladies. And it has no particular color.

The Girlfriends will be doing some on-site research. I expect you to do the same – and report back!

Deya “Direct” Smith, is a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and host of Girlfriend FM on the stream. She is also a motivational speaker, actress and activist. She can be reached at

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