The best way to avoid divorce? Don’t get married. But if you want to find a better way to keep your relationship intact, you might want to check out “Divorce Court” judge Lynn Toler’s new book “Making Marriage Work.” The judge on the longest running court show on television has a front seat to marital problems and her book addresses them, covering everything from infidelity to technology. Aside from work, Toler knows of what she speaks in her personal life, raising two sons and four stepsons with her husband of 22 years, Eric Mumford. The Harvard University and University of Pennsylvania graduate has achieved all of this despite inheriting the bipolar disorder her father suffered from. Toler provides a lot of information on relationships via her website www.judgelynn.com, often answering user questions. Here are some of the answers she provided on marriage and relationships. Toler’s book, “Making Marriage Work” is available for purchase or download at booksellers nationwide.
What do you think are the main factors that caused the huge increase in the divorce rate over the past four or five decades?
Now that women are legally equal and more economically able, marriage is no longer a must but a choice. The sexual revolution, having allowed more of us access to sex without the requirement of marriage, has removed yet another social pressure that used to propel many down the aisle. Now that childbearing outside of marriage is also more socially acceptable, that’s one fewer reason to make the walk down the aisle. Also we are not as dependent on each other as we were before. Gender roles are no longer so strictly defined. We can take care of our own needs without the necessity of a spouse. Add to that our having access to the entire world right in our living rooms through our keyboards, and we can get plenty of satisfaction in life outside the bounds of marriage.
What are the most common marital problems that you see again and again?
The intrusion of technology, the desire for immediate gratification, economic pressures, and the age-old problem—cheating.
What are the top three takeaways readers should glean from "Making Marriage Work?"
1. You have to be consciously married. That means you have to think about what you do and how you do it all of the way through. You have to treat marriage like a third party that needs to be fed and cared for in order for it to survive.
2. Marriage is work. And work is good for people.
3. You need to decide what your marriage is supposed to look like. What works for
one couple will doom another.
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This Week’s Celebrity Instagrams (11/26-12/2)
30 photos Launch gallery
1. Little Legend and Puddy 😍😍😍😍
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2. "You on point Phife?" "all the time,Tip". 💥 #bannedfromnormal
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3. Vegan! The Impossible burger at Crossroads
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4. Lawrence #BeforeandAfterEpisodes 1-4: 184lbs 13% body fatEpisode 8: 196lbs 8% body fat S/O @coachdaveboxing with the works outs and @kildareriordan with the nutrition
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5. Jus haaaanngin out
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6. Meanwhile back at home in Atlanta GA someone mad they not on the 🛳. 😳
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7. No limits... Photo cred: Chris Bridges @ludacris
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8. new new
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9. Apparently my 260lbs is too much for the actual vines in the Hawaiian jungles to hold me without breaking and me falling hundreds of feet. So for safety purposes, I'm forced to swing thru #Jumanjj on wires strong enough to hold 12 adult buffaloes and 1 adult Rock. #OnSet #Jumanji #IronicallyIEatBuffaloDailyForLunch #MoreManThanNatureKnowsWhatToDoWith
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10. hey ma! 🎎#wcw 💙
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11. Surprise visit to our factories!!! #GoodAmerican #USA
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13. Peachy Keen 🔥✨⚡️
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14. If this don't look thankful I don't know what does. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. #UltraBlessed #24kMagic #SweetPotatoFly
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15. Late nights @nbcmarlon with the writers... we in here!!!
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16. There goes my baaaaaaaaabbbbyyyyy #QueenKingMagic!!! We're up to something! Ira BIG!!! Stay out our buisness -
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17. You want to win every game you play but when you come home to these faces... who cares. #ILoveYouGirls best part of my day, everyday!
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18. Steady,steady..... full size jenga.. "I got this one "???? Or do I ?
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19. Cornrows kind of day 😉@dontaysavoy2 you convinced me and I love. ❤️️
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20. #BrotherlyLove #tbt
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22. #basel #TeamLOVE @kingcombs
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23. Just introduced a special screening of @directher 's groundbreaking (must see) documentary @13thfilm with my brother @themichaelealy | @unitedblackout #blackoutblackfriday
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24. Me & Vanessa Williams giving #DuckLips #Pose on the set of #DaytimeDivas @vh1 - Coming Soon to a tv near you. Lol. - My make up done by @makeupsurgeon
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25. This picture just makes me wanna praise the Lord, you hear me!!!!!! Yes Lord brotha #TEDDYCAMPBELL What a #man !!! You are everything right on this picture husband ......... #gorgeous #stylish #classy #strong #masculine #king #sexy #debonair #gentlemenstyle And that #bible in your hand just seals the deal for me (probably cause i know that, that is what helped you become just as amazing as you look😘). While my heart and mind experiences the goodness of God at #church on Sundays, my eyes experiences the goodness of Teddy😍. Amen somebody🙌🏽. "Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name" #myman #myhusband #goodman #blackman #dapperman #godlyman #goodfather #mybestfriend
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26. Yesterday was my mama's 53rd birthday!!!!! Got to celebrate with her all day. If this is what I have to look forward to I can't wait. Looking like a soft bucket a cocoa butter. Yaaaaaaaaaas! 😍😍😍 love you mommy!
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27. "Shout out to @PureAtlanta for getting the family right"....I'm loving this jogger. 😍😍
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28. This pic warms my heart ❤️ #myLogiebeans and aunt aunt umba @itowandabraxton 😘
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29. You will always be my baby😜. #HappyBirthdayReginae #mybaby18
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30. GC "Gods Child" Red on Red SweatSuit available now at www.MonicaApparel.com ... Take Your Crown wherever you go!! I'm pictured in a Medium... Go to the site now for other options ... cc: @trukernell
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