The best way to avoid divorce? Don’t get married. But if you want to find a better way to keep your relationship intact, you might want to check out “Divorce Court” judge Lynn Toler’s new book “Making Marriage Work.” The judge on the longest running court show on television has a front seat to marital problems and her book addresses them, covering everything from infidelity to technology. Aside from work, Toler knows of what she speaks in her personal life, raising two sons and four stepsons with her husband of 22 years, Eric Mumford. The Harvard University and University of Pennsylvania graduate has achieved all of this despite inheriting the bipolar disorder her father suffered from. Toler provides a lot of information on relationships via her website www.judgelynn.com, often answering user questions. Here are some of the answers she provided on marriage and relationships. Toler’s book, “Making Marriage Work” is available for purchase or download at booksellers nationwide.
What do you think are the main factors that caused the huge increase in the divorce rate over the past four or five decades?
Now that women are legally equal and more economically able, marriage is no longer a must but a choice. The sexual revolution, having allowed more of us access to sex without the requirement of marriage, has removed yet another social pressure that used to propel many down the aisle. Now that childbearing outside of marriage is also more socially acceptable, that’s one fewer reason to make the walk down the aisle. Also we are not as dependent on each other as we were before. Gender roles are no longer so strictly defined. We can take care of our own needs without the necessity of a spouse. Add to that our having access to the entire world right in our living rooms through our keyboards, and we can get plenty of satisfaction in life outside the bounds of marriage.
What are the most common marital problems that you see again and again?
The intrusion of technology, the desire for immediate gratification, economic pressures, and the age-old problem—cheating.
What are the top three takeaways readers should glean from "Making Marriage Work?"
1. You have to be consciously married. That means you have to think about what you do and how you do it all of the way through. You have to treat marriage like a third party that needs to be fed and cared for in order for it to survive.
2. Marriage is work. And work is good for people.
3. You need to decide what your marriage is supposed to look like. What works for
one couple will doom another.
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This Week’s Celebrity Instagrams (10/15-10/21)
31 photos Launch gallery
1. Just a NY girl with BIG dreams....
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2. HAPPY CHILDREN=QUALITY PARENTING. We don't always see eye to eye on everything and that's normal. We're human beings. But we come together and do it right for what's important, the kids. We are not enemies, we are parents. And we are parents 1st. S/O to @monyettashaw for making Mason's bday memorable. S/O to @itscrystalsmith at home taking care of our other lil' Prince. ❤️❤️❤️ THIS IS WHAT CO-PARENTING LOOKS LIKE. #Blessed #Happy #AboveTheDrama #BiggerThanUs
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3. So happy to finally be able to share with you all that I’m the new Global Brand Ambassador for @Revlon! Follow my day on RevlonSnaps. Yay! Choose Love, Everybody! #RevlonXCiara #chooselove #ad
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4. Glam on point!!!@makeupbymotoko & @shaylinjoneshair #easybreezy @lifetimetv #beachesmovie #january2017 😘
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5. ✨True love ✨📸: @jessiemarrerophotography
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7. Today was not easy..but by the grace of God we all got through it. Words cannot express our gratitude for all of your Prayers, Positive thoughts and Support for us throughout the years. Tommy will be missed but most certainly never forgotten...And PLEASE don't ask "Where's Martin?.." he was there too...just not in this picture. Lol! God bless you all.. #LoveConquersAll #MartinShow
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9. West coast get ready for #RockyHorror. I will be live tweeting again. #letsdothetimewarpagain
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10. #THEKEYS pre order yours now ... Available everywhere #NOV22 #WeTheBest 🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑
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11. We about to ROCK at #KCABlackBall!! All for our life-changing effort to end 🌎 AIDS.
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12. Today's #SNAPJACK is brought to you by @yazzthegreatest 😂😂😂💋💋💋
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13. Damn girl you kinda old to be headed to the Go Go. You coming in at the age they leaving. LMAO
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14. Daddy daycare B-Boxin with @acewellstucker @shopraisingace
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15. #FBF Naviyd & URV "LIL MONSTERS"
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16. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF THE BIGGEST LEGENDS IN OUR HIPHOP HISTORY! @snoopdogg CONTINUED BLESSING AND LOVE FAMILY!!!!! REAL OG!
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17. Thank you for a beautiful night VSU! Let's do it again! #HOMECOMING
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18. Had a great time this morning with my familia Erica, Griff & Truth!!
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19. Check out my interview on @essence facebook live. #inmyownwords #nycpromo #day2
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20. #She💋 #tbt #TheCoveAtTheAtlantis #DawgPawsAndAll
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21. Bae #retailtherapy
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22. Why me and @coryhardrict got the same pose... and notee... new mouth #naked
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23. When my husband is my personal 'hype-man'! it kills me every time! 💜😂 #WHATNOW #lostfiles📷
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24. Diggy Simmons
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25. Hand full of @jacquieaiche 💙💎💍 @esnail_la 💅🏾
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26. SuperSoulers! You can watch my interview with Carl Lentz live from my Facebook page, tomorrow at 11a ET| 8a PT. #SuperSoulSunday
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27. 💋 .. When the friendship is easy like Sunday morning. ☀️
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28. Sunday mornings are the best........... hugs and cuddles with my angel
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29. #huggar16 #hellohuggars
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30. My gym is everywhere!.. #RnBMoney #TheGeneral 📸: @twelvepastseven
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31. Nothing I would rather be doing... Rocko setting up our movie, Romelō working on a puzzle & Laiyah singing and sharing all she's learning at school... I'm so grateful for the joy they've brought into my life ... Praying for peace , joy & love in the home of EVERY family ♥️ #HeadScarfPJSunday LOL 😂
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