When ‘Sex in the City’ Imitates Life

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  • Being the woman that I am – loving all things fashion and girlfriends, I recently went to see the movie Sex in the City 2. But what I walked away with definitely includes men.

    First of all, I had no expectation of getting any life lessons out of this movie and quite frankly I thought the movie had a slow start. However, both before the movie and after, there were a few key points that prompted me to think. I will share three.

    Three life lessons:

    1. Give our men the understanding that we give our girlfriends.

    2. Everything you hoped for is not always what really makes you happy. Seek the happy that fulfills you; not just what society suggests you should have. In other words, be okay with different and untraditional.

    3. Love is complicated and stretches your heart. No one promised it would be easy, but if you’re both willing to do the work and to push past the pain, your situation could be the perfect one for you.

    Observation 1:

    On my way to the movie I was running late as usual, my girlfriend Mo who’s a stickler for time was waiting for me. She knew I’d be late and her point was, “I know how you are so I just bought a later ticket for us.” In that moment, I had an epiphany, girlfriends don’t try to change each other, if anything we will offer a helping hand when needed or simply support, but for the most part we accept one another as we are and we figure out how to have a strong relationship despite flaws and failures.

    Big question: Why can women accept each other “as is” but when it comes to men, we are always trying to change them? Perhaps if more women approached relationships with men with more of an open-heart of acceptance as opposed to trying to reconstruct them; both parties would spend more time simply enjoying each other’s company.

    The Lesson: I’m not suggesting women compromise what we want or need. I am saying that if you recognize who a person is, that will show you how they should or should not be involved in your life.

    Observation 2:

    In the movie, Carrie finally settles down with the love of her life, the ultimate bachelor aka Mr. Big, and is married to him. After two years of marriage she found herself missing the sizzle of her single life and struggling with how to define her marriage. Charlotte, miss high society and susie-homemaker, finally had what she always wanted-marriage and a family, but to her dismay, she found that motherhood was hard, frustrating and overwhelmingly more than she ever imagined. Miranda, the high-powered, workaholic attorney found herself unappreciated at work and missing out on her child’s life. And Samantha, the over-sexed free spirit who always felt she tricked her body from growing older – finds herself struggling through menopause.

    The Lesson: You see, we all have ideals but then we also have reality. The point: Everything in life does not always turn out exactly as we hope, and we don’t always get things right on the first try, but dammit we have to stay in the game and keep it moving. And there’s nothing like having girlfriends to love you unconditionally without judgment to help you get through the tough times and to celebrate with you during the good times.

    Observation 3:

    In the end, it was Carrie, not her flirtatious husband, who ran into an ex and went a little too far down memory lane during their meet and greet. I don’t want to give it away but here’s the lesson I got out of it. While Carrie’s girls were there to support her after she messed-up, in the end she knew she had to work things out with her man. Ain’t that the truth! As close as our girls may be, there are some roads that they can’t travel with us. When Carrie told Big (her husband) what went down between she and her ex, he was deeply hurt but his love and commitment to the relationship mattered more. Not only did he forgive her, but he realized that his woman was scared about the state of their marriage and erroneously sought out for something/one that reminded her that she “still had it.”

    The Lesson: This lesson goes for men and women. When your partner continues to tell you they need something, listen and do something about it. They don’t always have to search for it outside of the relationship, but sometimes people just show up into their lives and speak to that need. That’s life. While no one has to give into temptation, if you make a mistake you need to own up to it. At the same time, I’m reminded that we all need forgiveness.

    Ladies, it’s not just the men who betray relationships. So when it’s time to fess up and forgive. Forgive if you ever want that same grace. Then do the work to meet the needs of your significant other.

    These are three of the life lessons I got from the movie. But mostly these are life lessons that remind me of my own life. What are your thoughts about the movie and these lessons?

    Deya “Direct” Smith, is a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and host of Girlfriend FM and Beyond the Studio celebrity interviews on BlackAmericaWeb.com. She is also a motivational speaker, actress and social commentator. She can be reached at DeyaDirect@aol.com.

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