Who Do You Really Need to Forgive?

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  • Michael Vick may be getting his out-of-jail card, but will he really be free? Will the public ever let him off the hook, or for that matter will he let himself off of the hook?
    What about Chris Brown? He’s finally put out a public apology which he says follows his very private apology to Rhianna, but are we willing to let it go? Should she? What about him will he be kicking himself about this for the rest of his life?
    We can all get our “freedom papers” from a situation, but unless your mind and spirit is free from the past, you will still be in a personal bondage, unable to live the life that’s right in front of you. On the other hand, if the people in your life keep throwing things in your face, how can you get free?
    They don’t call me Deya Direct for nothing. I used to be the queen of telling people off and breaking them down to the smallest common denominator. It was usually clear that I had high expectations of people in my life. When they disappointed me, I wasn’t the most forgiving person in the world. But when the things that you say or do come back to test you, that’s when life really gets real.

    Have you ever been in a relationship where you demanded that your “divine values” be adhered to such as: Thou shall not cheat on me or I will cut you clean, Thou shall never lie to me, Thou shall be a person of high integrity, Thou shall never put another person, place or thing before me; and if
    you do thou shall feel the sting of my unwavering
    wrath! To me, that sounds pretty reasonable right?

    Well, not only do I know something about the rules that we create, I’ve even gone so far as to define what constituted each of them. I still believe that it’s important to spell things out because often your definition of something will not coincide with the other person’s perspective — which can cause a lot of unnecessary confusion and conflict.

    For instance, cheating in a relationship may be interpreted differently; for one person it’s a kiss, for another it’s a date. I’m sure that’s true for a lot of spouses who go on the website of Jacque Reid’s guest today; ashleymadison.com, where the motto is: “Life is short, Have an Affair.”

    Personally, I now realize some of the reasons I made up and enforced these rules. For one, it’s the ideal standard that I’d like to live up to. But, I also wanted to control and prevent a certain pain from ever occurring again.

    While I was determined to be in a perfect relationship, one free of flaws and failure, I discovered the trip is when you don’t live up to the very standards that you set. When we fail our own tests, we’re forced to deal with our human fallibility.

    How many times have we set a double standard for messing up? How many ladies have told a guy that they needed to
    be celibate and the moment he stopped his sexual advances toward her, she in turn jumped his bones because she couldn’t handle not getting that kind of attention? If the truth be told, the need for self-control was as much her issue as it was his, if not more.

    We’ve all heard someone talk about how their future mate had to have a great job, good credit, perfect teeth, and a toned body, and that very person was jacked up in all of those aforementioned areas themselves? We often want people to be what we’re not or do what we’re not willing to.

    Unfortunately, we fail to consider that we might be the person who needs that same grace extended our way.

    I’m a work in progress, what about you? One thing I know, in life there’s some hurt and some pain, some sunshine and some rain. Some of it I’ve caused, some of it I’ve received. The test and the growth occur with how you ultimately deal with it.

    I don’t know about you, but I’m glad that the heart of God isn’t as limited as mine. If we never fall, there wouldn’t be a need for salvation. Each morning He extends Grace and New Mercies. How about you, do you need to forgive
    others or just yourself?

    We would love to hear back from you on this topic, so drop us a line.

    Deya “Direct” Smith is a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show. An actress, writer and commentator, she can also be reached at http://www.DeyaDirect.com, on facebook, or at deyadirect@aol.com.

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