Michael Vick may be getting his out-of-jail card, but will he really be free? Will the public ever let him off the hook, or for that matter will he let himself off of the hook?
What about Chris Brown? He’s finally put out a public apology which he says follows his very private apology to Rhianna, but are we willing to let it go? Should she? What about him will he be kicking himself about this for the rest of his life?
We can all get our “freedom papers” from a situation, but unless your mind and spirit is free from the past, you will still be in a personal bondage, unable to live the life that’s right in front of you. On the other hand, if the people in your life keep throwing things in your face, how can you get free?
They don’t call me Deya Direct for nothing. I used to be the queen of telling people off and breaking them down to the smallest common denominator. It was usually clear that I had high expectations of people in my life. When they disappointed me, I wasn’t the most forgiving person in the world. But when the things that you say or do come back to test you, that’s when life really gets real.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you demanded that your “divine values” be adhered to such as: Thou shall not cheat on me or I will cut you clean, Thou shall never lie to me, Thou shall be a person of high integrity, Thou shall never put another person, place or thing before me; and if
you do thou shall feel the sting of my unwavering
wrath! To me, that sounds pretty reasonable right?
Well, not only do I know something about the rules that we create, I’ve even gone so far as to define what constituted each of them. I still believe that it’s important to spell things out because often your definition of something will not coincide with the other person’s perspective — which can cause a lot of unnecessary confusion and conflict.
For instance, cheating in a relationship may be interpreted differently; for one person it’s a kiss, for another it’s a date. I’m sure that’s true for a lot of spouses who go on the website of Jacque Reid’s guest today; ashleymadison.com, where the motto is: “Life is short, Have an Affair.”
Personally, I now realize some of the reasons I made up and enforced these rules. For one, it’s the ideal standard that I’d like to live up to. But, I also wanted to control and prevent a certain pain from ever occurring again.
While I was determined to be in a perfect relationship, one free of flaws and failure, I discovered the trip is when you don’t live up to the very standards that you set. When we fail our own tests, we’re forced to deal with our human fallibility.
How many times have we set a double standard for messing up? How many ladies have told a guy that they needed to
be celibate and the moment he stopped his sexual advances toward her, she in turn jumped his bones because she couldn’t handle not getting that kind of attention? If the truth be told, the need for self-control was as much her issue as it was his, if not more.
We’ve all heard someone talk about how their future mate had to have a great job, good credit, perfect teeth, and a toned body, and that very person was jacked up in all of those aforementioned areas themselves? We often want people to be what we’re not or do what we’re not willing to.
Unfortunately, we fail to consider that we might be the person who needs that same grace extended our way.
I’m a work in progress, what about you? One thing I know, in life there’s some hurt and some pain, some sunshine and some rain. Some of it I’ve caused, some of it I’ve received. The test and the growth occur with how you ultimately deal with it.
I don’t know about you, but I’m glad that the heart of God isn’t as limited as mine. If we never fall, there wouldn’t be a need for salvation. Each morning He extends Grace and New Mercies. How about you, do you need to forgive
others or just yourself?
We would love to hear back from you on this topic, so drop us a line.
Deya “Direct” Smith is a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show. An actress, writer and commentator, she can also be reached at http://www.DeyaDirect.com, on facebook, or at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Also On Black America Web:
This Week’s Celebrity Instagrams (10/15-10/21)
31 photos Launch gallery
1. Just a NY girl with BIG dreams....
1 of 31
2. HAPPY CHILDREN=QUALITY PARENTING. We don't always see eye to eye on everything and that's normal. We're human beings. But we come together and do it right for what's important, the kids. We are not enemies, we are parents. And we are parents 1st. S/O to @monyettashaw for making Mason's bday memorable. S/O to @itscrystalsmith at home taking care of our other lil' Prince. ❤️❤️❤️ THIS IS WHAT CO-PARENTING LOOKS LIKE. #Blessed #Happy #AboveTheDrama #BiggerThanUs
2 of 31
3. So happy to finally be able to share with you all that I’m the new Global Brand Ambassador for @Revlon! Follow my day on RevlonSnaps. Yay! Choose Love, Everybody! #RevlonXCiara #chooselove #ad
3 of 31
4. Glam on point!!!@makeupbymotoko & @shaylinjoneshair #easybreezy @lifetimetv #beachesmovie #january2017 😘
4 of 31
5. ✨True love ✨📸: @jessiemarrerophotography
5 of 31
6 of 31
7. Today was not easy..but by the grace of God we all got through it. Words cannot express our gratitude for all of your Prayers, Positive thoughts and Support for us throughout the years. Tommy will be missed but most certainly never forgotten...And PLEASE don't ask "Where's Martin?.." he was there too...just not in this picture. Lol! God bless you all.. #LoveConquersAll #MartinShow
7 of 31
8 of 31
9. West coast get ready for #RockyHorror. I will be live tweeting again. #letsdothetimewarpagain
9 of 31
10. #THEKEYS pre order yours now ... Available everywhere #NOV22 #WeTheBest 🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑
10 of 31
11. We about to ROCK at #KCABlackBall!! All for our life-changing effort to end 🌎 AIDS.
11 of 31
12. Today's #SNAPJACK is brought to you by @yazzthegreatest 😂😂😂💋💋💋
12 of 31
13. Damn girl you kinda old to be headed to the Go Go. You coming in at the age they leaving. LMAO
13 of 31
14. Daddy daycare B-Boxin with @acewellstucker @shopraisingace
14 of 31
15. #FBF Naviyd & URV "LIL MONSTERS"
15 of 31
16. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF THE BIGGEST LEGENDS IN OUR HIPHOP HISTORY! @snoopdogg CONTINUED BLESSING AND LOVE FAMILY!!!!! REAL OG!
16 of 31
17. Thank you for a beautiful night VSU! Let's do it again! #HOMECOMING
17 of 31
18. Had a great time this morning with my familia Erica, Griff & Truth!!
18 of 31
19. Check out my interview on @essence facebook live. #inmyownwords #nycpromo #day2
19 of 31
20. #She💋 #tbt #TheCoveAtTheAtlantis #DawgPawsAndAll
20 of 31
21. Bae #retailtherapy
21 of 31
22. Why me and @coryhardrict got the same pose... and notee... new mouth #naked
22 of 31
23. When my husband is my personal 'hype-man'! it kills me every time! 💜😂 #WHATNOW #lostfiles📷
23 of 31
24. Diggy Simmons
24 of 31
25. Hand full of @jacquieaiche 💙💎💍 @esnail_la 💅🏾
25 of 31
26. SuperSoulers! You can watch my interview with Carl Lentz live from my Facebook page, tomorrow at 11a ET| 8a PT. #SuperSoulSunday
26 of 31
27. 💋 .. When the friendship is easy like Sunday morning. ☀️
27 of 31
28. Sunday mornings are the best........... hugs and cuddles with my angel
28 of 31
29. #huggar16 #hellohuggars
29 of 31
30. My gym is everywhere!.. #RnBMoney #TheGeneral 📸: @twelvepastseven
30 of 31
31. Nothing I would rather be doing... Rocko setting up our movie, Romelō working on a puzzle & Laiyah singing and sharing all she's learning at school... I'm so grateful for the joy they've brought into my life ... Praying for peace , joy & love in the home of EVERY family ♥️ #HeadScarfPJSunday LOL 😂
31 of 31