Instead of putting up a wall, take a direct approach by being honest. Either say something like “I know this is uncomfortable, but I’d like to talk about it” or “I want to answer you, but I’m thinking of the best way to say it first”
5. ¨I want a divorce.¨
It seems obvious, but some people throw around the “D” word as a power play. Threatening divorce when you don’t really want one chips away at the foundation of your marriage.
“If it’s a threat and not a carefully thought-out decision, it can move your marriage down a road you might not be ready to take,” she said. “If you don’t really want to split up, don’t say you do! If you’re angry and frustrated with your spouse, instead of threatening divorce, try going for a walk or going to the gym. Clear your head. When you come back, you’ll be in a much better place to talk.”
6. “I don’t want to try”
Don’t mistake this for “I’m tired of trying” — they are two totally different phrases. We all know marriages and truly meaningful partnerships are hard work and you have to try and try again. But when a person says they don’t want to try, it’s like they’re giving up. Have they given up and what are they giving up on: you, the relationship or both?
Instead of saying you don’t want to try, just remind your partner that whatever it is, it is hard or difficult, so it may take you awhile. But only say it if you truly mean it.
7. “Why can’t you be more like him?¨
Nothing does more damage than comparing your spouse to someone else. Do you really want to be with him/her? Well, why aren’t you with them? Stop making comparisons to other people’s husbands or wives, or even your co-workers.
No man or woman wants to hear that you think some other guy or gal is better and that’s especially true for men. It’s demeaning.
Instead of making comparisons, try appreciating what your spouse does do for you. It might just motivate him or her to do more of the same.
7 Things You Should Never Say To Your Mate was originally published on blackdoctor.org
