Each week I am approached with letters from dozens of people from across the globe seeking my advice on how to improve their sex lives. Two weeks ago, I was approached by a young lady who desperately needed my advice on becoming more exciting between the sheets.
“My husband says I’m boring in bed,” she typed. “What can you do to help me?” This is a comment I’ve heard often from women who have a desire to please their partners but have run out of options for what to do to improve the situation.
In realizing that her issue wouldn’t be resolved by writing out a few paragraphs via email, we scheduled a session to speak about the areas that were troubling her in the bedroom. In coaching sessions, the client is always in control of where the session goes and how the session is ran.
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In opening her up to speak about her issues, several questions were raised that are also great questions for any woman (and men, too) to ask herself in order to initiate improvement.
Why does he think you’re boring?
One mistake many women make is not asking the hard hitting questions when complaints are raised about their sexual performance. Before seeking out sources to help with improvement, the issues must first be brought to the surface. Knowing exactly what her husband perceives as lackluster or boring about her sexual expression will give his wife an idea of the areas that need to be enhanced or corrected. It may be a tough pill to swallow, but asking him to elaborate on what he is feeling is the only way to fully understand his point of view.
What are your typical actions in bed?
It is easy to shift into ego when one’s character seems to come under fire, so instead of reacting to what may be perceived as an attack it is best to take a step back and be honest with yourself about the typical actions that are performed during sex. Do you initiate the sex or are you submissive in your approach? Are you vocal during sex or are you as silent as a church mouse? Do you switch up sex positions or do you revert to old faithfuls? These types of questions need to be answered.
What’s holding you back?
Everyone has the capability to have amazing sex and to have fun while in the moment, so the real question is what is keeping you from experiencing the fullness your sex life has to offer? Have you experienced trauma in the past? Do you have an issue with body image? Does feeling sexy make you feel uncomfortable? Getting down to the root cause of what is causing you to reserve your sexual expression will help you pinpoint the issues and begin on improving.
What are your sexual interests?
Before getting into any sexual situation, one must know exactly what her sexual interests are. So if you’re being labeled as “boring in bed” then you must take the time to determine what turns you on and what sparks your sexual arousal. Do you like being spanked? Are you into mutual masturbation? Does using toys during sex turn you on? These are questions you should ask yourself when working on uncovering your sexual truth.
Education and communication are the two most important elements in improving your sex life. Making a commitment to work on your sex life is necessary in leaving the mark in the bedroom you (and your partner) desire.
