Mashonda Tifrere says the key to co-parenting is to focus on your children — and your children only.
The mother and ex-wife of producer Swizz Beatz knows first hand what it’s like to go through a public divorce and deal with the emotions of separation while working to be the best parent that you can possibily be.
“Yes, this can be very difficult. It means that your own emotions — any anger, resentment, or hurt — must take a back seat to the needs of your children,” she wrote on her The LikeStyleHer blog. “Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.”
MUST READ: Mashonda Calls Out Alicia Keys On Twitter
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Mashonda and her ex-husband divorced in May 2010, and within the next month, he was engaged to singer Alicia Keys and expecting their first child together.
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Today, Mashonda said she feels “it’s essential to educate others on the dynamics and explain the benefits that are included” in having a blended family.
“My attempt is to shed some positivity and light to single mothers, fathers, ex-wives, stepmothers and all those in between. But most importantly, the children,” she wrote.
Take a look at her four tips below.
1. Separating feelings from behavior
“It’s okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behavior. Instead, let what’s best for your kids—you working cooperatively with the other parent—motivate your actions.”
2. Get your feelings out somewhere else.
“Never vent to your child. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.”
3. Stay kid-focused
“If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.”
