Moms We Love: Aja Dantzler

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I know things about my children I’m never going to tell you because I want to protect them and their image to the world. The mother knows all the ugly. The thing is what you do with it. Someone paid me a compliment one time and said that your children are some of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. You can have a smart kid, you can have a fast kid, but to have a child that understands emotion and is compassionate to others is a huge compliment.

You can love and communicate through a lot of serious issues. You will have issues with your children. It will be something. It will be a hurdle to which they will have to cross. You can’t make everything a competition as to how good a mother you are. Because you will fail as a mother on some level. There will be something that will slip through the cracks and it will be something that you will not know how to fix. And you will have to experiment and take time and read and take advice and pray and be still and watch it and learn it in order to correct it, fix it and nurture it. It is just the way that it is. In order for you to have enough quiet to figure it out, you have to tune out the pressure.

A boy does listen quite intently to what his mother says, especially when he is young before he’s able to find and have his own woman. And also before he begins to identity with manhood and wants to hear from his father first, because that will happen. With girls, it’s a lot trickier because with girls, very early on, they will be begin to shape her own opinion about things and will question you at every turn. You have to remember that she thinks as you think and give her a little bit of leeway. It requires a whole lot of patience in dealing with girls. It’s about putting yourself in your child’s shoes but giving her parameters as to how to communicate with you.

I really honestly don’t find a lot of time for myself. For me, time for myself is having lunch. For me, time for myself is making sure that I’m drinking enough water. Things that are basic things for other people are ways that I pay close attention to myself. Because I have so many children and a demanding job, I don’t get a lot of spa time and stuff like that, but I do try to attend to and meet my needs.

Lately it’s been important for me to be healthy. I would like to be here for my children for a long time. So I’ve taken more time to run and be more active and cook healthier meals and shop better to cook healthier meals for the family. I go to sleep. I plan my evening out with the children now so that I can get a certain amount of sleep.

I’m aksing myself the right kinds of questions even when it comes to mental health. I’m resting my brain and making sure that I’m not always on. I don’t really logistically have the time to take retreats and all of that but I know there’s only 24 hours in a day so I’m very careful not to overextend myself. I push myself in certain situations because I know I’m capable of it, but I don’t overextend myself. I know it’s important for me to stay healthy.

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