6 Habits of the Happy Black Woman

Life is full of dynamic movements. There are ups and downs, as well as highs and lows, which create the complex situations that we all navigate daily. Balancing our careers, families, physical health, and our desire to thrive as productive beings often results in stress and the overall feeling that we don’t have enough time and energy to adequately manage everything.

Our happiness is often dependent upon and defined by our circumstances. When life yields positive results, we are overjoyed and ecstatic. When life produces negative outcomes that we can’t impact or control we live feeling disengaged, overwhelmed, confused and angry.

It is easy to be happy and optimistic when circumstances are all in your favor. When everything is going your way, you don’t think about being happy, it just happens. But what happens when challenges arise?  How do you stay joyful when your relationships fall apart, or when you experience difficulties at work?  No matter how difficult the struggle or how strong the adversity, happiness is a choice.

As the founder of Happy Life Solutions, I co-created #MeetMeHappy with my partners at Induo Events to establish a community of people that are passionate about living happier lives. We are currently conducting the #MeetMeAtHappy challenge, which is a 30 day challenge based on my book, One Choice, Choose Happiness. It is designed to empower people to make the choice to choose happiness every single day, even when it isn’t the easiest choice.  So the million dollar question is, “How do we actually choose happiness?”

When we waste our time and energy worrying about or trying to change things that we don’t have the ability to impact, we are choosing to be frustrated, confused and unhappy. By exhausting our efforts to impact the things that we actually can control, like our own behavior and actions, we are on the road to choosing happiness. Here are six ways that you can choose happiness today:

1. Just drop it.

How much of your time is spent dwelling on things that have NO long-term impact on your life or that of your loved ones? Did someone cut you off while driving to work? Did someone post an article you didn’t like on Facebook? Was someone rude to you at the grocery store? Did someone take a parking spot that you were waiting for? Who cares! Just drop it!

If the things you are dwelling on have no long-term impact on your life please stop caring about them immediately! It is not the end of the world that you chipped a nail after just getting a manicure. It is not the end of the world that stranger that you won’t likely ever see again did something rude to you. There are things in life that WILL impact your future. Focus on loving others, as well as being kind, grateful and appreciative of all of the awesomeness around you. Don’t waste your time worried about, focused on, or complaining about things that don’t matter. If you want to be happier, exert your energy toward the goodness in your life.

2. Control your emotions.

Sometimes we have all of the information that we need about people, places or things. If someone has shown you who they are, why are you shocked every time you spend time with them? You can’t control other people but you can control yourself. Stop indulging in negative emotions in reaction to things that you can see coming from a mile away. If you knew it would rain on Monday every week for the next year, would you ever leave home without an umbrella on a Monday? Grab your umbrella and stop letting the rain get you wet.  Control your emotions. Exert your energy toward people, places and things that make you happy.

3. Embrace change.

Change is part of life. The only things that don’t change are dead things. In order to live happier lives, we have to start seeing change as an opportunity to grow and move forward. Oftentimes, the changes that we are resisting are going to present something in the long term that allows us to be in a better place than we currently are. Stop glamorizing the past. It is going to take change to get you to your desired future, so just embrace the changes that are coming your way. If you continue to be the same, your results will remain the same. Get excited about a new season and a new chance to impact the world.

4. Don’t be a control freak. 

Life is not meant to be controlled. It is meant to be lived. The only things that you can control are your emotions and your actions. You can’t control every outcome in life nor can you control other people, so stop trying. When you try to control everything you end up stressed, worried and frustrated. Do you like feeling that way? Stop it. Learn to appreciate the surprises that life offers. If you have to control something, control yourself. Be disciplined, empathetic, loving, and aggressive in your pursuit of happiness. Release your need to control the things that you actually can’t control. Your feeling of being in control is all an illusion anyway, so let it go.

5. Keep it in perspective and get over yourself.

Life can be challenging, and when things are the toughest, it is really easy to feel like our hardships are larger than life itself.  Once we give in to feeling sorry for ourselves, we focus on the things that we don’t have and we focus on the things that aren’t going well for us. In these times we should look up. Literally. The clouds are an indication of just how tiny our place in the world is.

There is war, poverty, sickness and so much negativity.  There are people that aren’t allowed to go to school. There are people that won’t eat dinner because they can’t afford food. There are people living in the street. There are people battling chronic diseases. Instead of obsessing over your life, exert kind thoughts toward the people that have bigger problems than you. Be happy with what you have. Focus on the positive things in your life. Use gratitude and thankfulness as tools to overcome your negative feelings. You are loved. You are well fed. You have a place to live. Let that be enough to recognize that your life is already great. You have a lot of reasons to be happy.

6. Vacation everyday. 

Are you living for the weekends? Are you waiting for the next time you can go on vacation? The reality is that there are more weekdays than weekends. Most of us will never have more than a few weeks of vacation every year, so why do we spend our precious time longing for time that comes infrequently?

Imagine a life in which you could vacation every day. What if you took advantage of the things in your city or town that you always plan to do?  Think of the coffee shops, nature trails, museums, parks and other places that you constantly say you are going to make time to go to, but you never do. Think of the friends and loved ones that you are planning to connect with, but you never do. There is so much around you waiting to be enjoyed, but instead of enjoying it, you are waiting for your vacation to have fun. Stop waiting to be happy. Don’t limit your enjoyment to certain days or certain locations. Stop missing out on the daily pleasures of life. Appreciate the small treasures surrounding you. Take advantage of what life has to offer and vacation every day. Live in the moment. Appreciate each day that you are given.

We all have a choice as to how we approach life, and today I encourage you to make the decision to choose happiness, even if it’s not the easiest choice.  What choice will you make?

Angela Irwin (www.angelairwin.com) is a lover of life and light seeker.  She published “One Choice Choose Happiness” which is a 30 day guide to help you choose happiness.  She and her friends at Induo Events (www.induoevents.com) began the #MeetMeAtHappy movement which was created to unite people that are passionate about living happier lives.  They are in the middle of the 30 day journey and it is still time for you to join the movement.  Follow them on facebook at @AngelaVictoria and @INDUOEvents for more information.