Why do we push people away when it is an inherent desire to be wanted and loved? Some of us don’t even realize we are doing it until we look back on all the people who are no longer there: good and bad. Ever wonder why? We’ve got seven examples of how you could be doing it –and not even know it.
1. Taking everything too personally – Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. Many of us who live busy lives forget that. People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them. Not everything is about you. Seriously. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them and not you. If you look at it and it applies to you, then do something about it. If it doesn’t, don’t take it personal.
2. Always playing the victim – Another toxic behavior is persistent complaining that fuels your sense of victimization. Believing you’re a victim, that you have no power to exert and no power over the direction of your life, is a toxic stance that keeps you stuck. When you stop complaining and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you ever realized.
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3. Holding on to the past – One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go – whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss. Change is never easy – you fight to hold on and you fight to let go. But oftentimes letting go is the healthiest path to moving forward. Just think about it: holding on to something is usually holding with a closed fist, but a closed fist can never hold onto anything new.
4. Always thinking negative – It’s very hard to be around people who, no matter what the situation, are always thinking negative. You could ask them, “How’s your day going?” and then they would tell you everything that’s wrong before even sharing their day. Remaining perpetually locked in a negative mindset and operating from a view that everything is negative and against you is a bad way of thinking and living. But you can change that.
5. Cheating and cutting moral corners simply because you can – Cheating is a choice, not a mistake and not an excuse! If you decide to cheat, and you succeed in cheating someone out of something, don’t think that this person is a fool. Realize that this person trusted you much more than you ever deserved. Be bigger than that. Don’t do immoral things simply because you can. Don’t cheat. Be honest with yourself and everyone else. Do the right thing. Integrity is the essence of everything successful.
6. Needing constant validation. – People who constantly strive for validation by others are exhausting to be around. Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and over, and constantly want to win over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining. Know this. Over-attaching to how things have to look to others can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down. There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve in the eyes of the masses. It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning, how you’re helping others learn, too, and the growing process you allow yourself to participate in.
7. Not living in THE truth. – There’s so much talk about “your” truth, but in reality there is only one truth: the real, unadulterated truth. The truth is sometimes dirty, hard and hurtful, but it can also be beautiful. People cannot connect with you if you’re constantly trying to hide from yourself. And this becomes a truly toxic situation the minute they become attached to your false persona. So remember, no matter what age, race, sex, or sexuality you are, underneath all your external decorations you are a pure, beautiful being – each and every one of us are.
