Erica Watson Body Confidence

Last week I got so many calls, emails and texts about the “6 Benefits of Dating a Big Girl” article that appeared on Blackdoctor.org*. The responses ranged from “Are they serious? Who wrote this garbage?” and “Ok, some evil skinny chick wrote this trying to be funny, right?” to “If this is really what people think about ‘big girls’ then I’m going on a diet RIGHT NOW!” Nonetheless, everyone wanted my opinion on the article.

I must say, as a very outgoing and fulfilled plus size woman, I was actually surprised that so many people got really upset about the article; mainly because I have heard all of these so-called “benefits” before, ironically most from the mouths of other plus size women. Every fall my social media is filled with my fellow “big girl’s” putting up memes proclaiming “It’s Cuffing Season…Get a Big Girl”.

Everywhere you look on Instagram or Facebook there are “Big Girls Do It Better” or “Stay Calm, Big Girl on Top” pictures and usually the reasons given are that voluptuous women’s bodies supposedly offer more comfort and “juicy-ness” than smaller bodies. How many times have I heard a plus-sized woman proclaim that all men love a big girl because they give men “shade in the summer and heat in the winter time”? Or “If you want good loving and a good meal, get you a big girl”. So what was everyone so upset about? What was the big deal? (pun intended ya’ll).

Well, in my opinion the problem with the article is that instead of uplifting women it let us down using shallow stereotypes that seem to follow plus size women everywhere we go. Honestly, I think the article was indeed trying to celebrate full-figured women and show us some love in a lighthearted way. After all “big girls need love too”, right?

Unfortunately, the writer failed horribly and fell short.

Truth is, ALL WOMEN are beautiful and desirable, no matter what size, but highlighting the so-called benefits of being in a relationship with a plus-sized woman should not be minimalized to a list of six generalizations that may be true for a few, but not all.

Listen, I am a plus-sized stand-up comedian. I have a sense of humor and I am not easily offended at all. At the same time, I know that the topic of size is a “weighty issue” and should be handled with lots of love, care and sensitivity. Who hasn’t seen some male comic on stage saying, “The best thing about having sex with a big girl is no matter what part of her body you grab, it feels like a titty!”?

Yep, in 2014 that hack joke is still told on stage and I think that all plus size women are tired of being the butt of jokes in society, especially when those jokes focus on what’s good about us…as if loving us is a case that needs to be pleaded in the court of public opinion. If so it’s too late because too many men are already “guilty” of the pleasure of loving plus-sized women!

In my article “Fat Girls Are a Man’s Best Friend” for The Frisky I wrote about how sometimes being a confident plus size woman can be a gift and a curse. I’ve found that over the years there have been men who put me in the “friend zone” purely because of my size. At the same time I have had situations when my weight led to me being overly sexualized by men, almost pushed to a fetish level.

Luckily, more often than not I find that men love me for ME. Women that are plus sized have healthy relationships with men who adore every inch of them. For every guy that does not find a “big girl” attractive, there are two more than love “big girls”. And who knows, maybe there are men who would agree with the six benefits that were in the article. I would argue that there are hundreds of reasons that men prefer to date larger women, and maybe we should start to explore some of the real reasons and celebrate it, instead of making light of the situation.

In the media “big girls” are either an asexual “mammy” who serves as a voice of reason for her skinny counterpart, or a sex deprived thirsty woman who spends her days chasing after a man that doesn’t want her. But in the real world we are multi-dimensional women who love and are loved by many. Lists that talk about the benefits of dating a woman like me tend to focus on stereotypical notions that underplay the true issue, which is: American society is extremely uncomfortable with Black female sexuality especially when it comes in a plus sized body.

So here is what I think are 6 benefits of dating a “big girl” or any woman for that matter who is worth her weight…in gold, no matter what her size.