Leave a comment

The Hit TV show “Scandal,” Tyler Perry’s “The Haves and Have Nots,” and Gabrielle Union’s BET made-for-TV movie “Being Mary Jane,” all feature beautiful black women in adulterous relationships.

Coincidence? Nah, I don’t think so.

And as judgmental as people can be about infidelity, it is something everyone can relate to on some level.  And if you look at the statistics…42 percent of black women will never be married. According to the author of he novel “Man Sharing,” by J. Darlene Hayes, there are 100 unmarried women to every 88 unmarried men, leaving 12 dangling women. That’s quite a visual! And unless you’re a real optimist, already married or not sweating being single, it’s a quite disturbing stat.  She says for years, women have been man-sharing but have been keeping it under wraps.

The media kicked the door on infidelity wide open. “Being Mary Jane” was a ratings winner on BET and Twitter and Facebook went wild with commentary about Mary Jane’s niece wanting to become a porn star, masturbation and other TMI moments.

But in one of the most important scenes in “Being Mary Jane,” the main character confronts the wife of the man she’s sleeping with. In an effort to be transparent, the tables are turned when the wife’s reaction is surprisingly calm.  She merely asked Mary Jane what she wanted her to do with that information.

It isn’t clear whether the wife knew her husband was cheating the whole time and was willing to ignore the situation or whether she was just learning the truth and decided whether to stay or leave the man she loved.

Whether you’re the woman who has ever cheated or the woman that’s ever been cheated on, you can relate to that one moment of honesty. As the other woman, you have to decide whether you can live with the fact that what you’re doing has impact on many more people than just the two of you. And if you’re the wife or the girlfriend of the cheater, you have to decide whether you will choose to give up everything you have built with a man you love or try to make it work while not ever being able to completely trust him again. These are decisions women and men make every day. And if you hadn’t ever thought about how you would handle such a situation, this would be a good time to figure out your game plan.

There are a lot of conversations these days about prenuptial agreements—and having a financial exit plan. But how many conversations do experienced married men and women have with other couples about dealing with one of the major reasons so many marriages end in the first place?

According to a recent article, there are lots of myths about cheating that need to be straightened out. Here are five of them:

1. Affairs are all about sex.

In reality, many affairs rise from one partner seeking an emotional connection to another person. Sometimes, that’s as far as the affair ever goes. Although the sense of emotional closeness often leads to physical intimacy, sex wasn’t the original intent when the connection began.

2. Affairs almost always spell the end of marriage.

More than 50 percent of marriages can survive infidelity. Although the relationship may break up from other issues in the future, many couples are surprised when they find that they can stay together after an affair.

3. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

While it is true that some individuals have repeated affairs, many affairs are a once and done thing. What happens after the affair can set a marriage on a course for stability or blow it out of the water. After ending the affair, the person who cheated must be completely honest for healing to take place.

4. Affairs happen because something is wrong with the marriage.

Here’s the truth: There’s something wrong with every marriage. Affairs may reflect that couples don’t know how to work together to improve the problems in their marriages. Just because you are having marital issues doesn’t justify infidelity.

5. If there’s no sex, there’s no affair.

Many affairs happen without any sex at all. Is it cheating to stay up half the night, secretly texting an old classmate about your most intimate thoughts? The person doing it may not see it as cheating, but you can be sure that his/her partner sees it this way! When you give an emotional part of yourself to someone who is a potential affair mate, it’s a form of infidelity.

In reality, infidelity is one of the worst kept secrets. Where would movies, television, fiction and non-fiction books, talk shows and music be without it?  But when it comes to our personal lives we hide from it whether we’re the victims or the perpetrators.

Maybe by taking a more honest look at how we end up in unhealthy relationships, we can figure out other options that break the age-old cycle. And if we can’t break it, the least we can do is be prepared when it confronts us. They say the best defense is a good offense and nothing hurts worse than getting blindsided by someone you love and trust.

So here are a few things to consider:

•    What are your mate’s real feelings about cheating and what are they based on?

•    Is he or she from a family where infidelity was prevalent?

•    What is your mate’s definition of cheating? This is a question Hillary may have wished she asked Bill.

•    What is your history when it comes to trust. Did your dad cheat on your mom or vice versa?

•    Were you ever taught that “all men cheat?”

•    Have you ever used cheating as a well to sabotage a good relationship because you didn’t think you were worthy?

•    If you have been cheated on, did you leave or stay and why?

Let me hear from you. Especially if you’re “Mary Jane.”  No judgement!

9 thoughts on “Black Leading Women Playing the Side-Piece: Coincidence or Not?

  1. I was so much upset with my partner, always spend few time with me and most time at work, I taught he was keeping an extra marital affair. But I found out that he had never cheat on me with the help of cyber hack (cyberhack005 AT gmail DOT com). This guy really helped me gain access to his phone records such as deleted text messages,call logs and social media logins[Whatsapp,facebook,snapchat,instagram etc] I was able to read all his conversation and found out that it’s his nature of work that keep him busy all time as he always explained to me. Truthfully saying thank you Cyber hack for not making me jump into conclusion.

  2. Kaejae on said:

    Let’s get real please? You are basing your article on television shows?…..I know of other races both men and women who have cheated on their spouses in the past. White women the role of The SIDE PIECE as well. Why does EVERYTHING have to be based on black v white or white v black. These are pieces of entertainment. These are women who are ACTING in roles written by BLACK writers! To speak out about criminal injustice is one thing but to try to draw ire and ignorance about something that generally everyone has done at one time or another either emotionally or physically since the beginning of time is completely insane! How about writing about subjects that pull us together instead of poking and prodding trying to find something that isnt there!!!

  3. MsRa'Kyee on said:

    I wouldn’t say its intentionally… more generational. If infidelity is in your bloodline then its being passed down throughout your generation. I would say it’s more than likely that your relationship may suffer but you will have to take a stand to break the cycle. People need to understand that spirits are real and if your spouse is cheating then spirits are being passed back and forth from your spouse to your outside partner and vice versa. That’s more drama on top of more drama.

    Relationship Expert
    Author of forthcoming book ‘Yes, I’m Single But, My Heart Is Taken’

  4. MsRa'Kyee on said:

    I believe that infidelity is not only caused by issues within the relationship but, by a lack of insecurity within the partner choosing to cheat. This is an insightful follow up to what we are seeing revealed on the entettainment screen and what we as a society choose to hide under the rug until its exposed.

  5. Aaron on said:

    It is absolutely intentional!! These shows are the female equivalent to gangster rap one exploits young impressionable men the other vulnerable women. This is all part of a social engineering scheme, the entertainment today dumbs down the consciousness of the people and plants certain ideas in the minds of the children. Yes the children because we all know that some child somewhere is seeing these made for adult images.

  6. This type of behavior is NOT limited to black women and I do not know why we keep trying to push this. I know white women and their white husbands cheat and have white women as side piece. Everything is not about race. And remember 70% (it maybe higher now) of today’s couples get a divorce.

  7. I have no idea if it is intentional or not but,presently,the Black woman is the Black race’s worst enemy.Between her big mouth and her insistence that the Black man should believe in her white jesus before she sexes him out of wedlock, she is driving the whole race over the proverbial cliff.I want nothing to do with her.

    • so let me understand this correctly. you want nothing to do with a black woman b/c by your account blk women make their men worship a white jesus???? So you don’t want to worship a white Jesus but you want to marry or mate a white woman???? REALLY???? VERY DELUSIONAL. And you’re so emphatic about degrading a black woman??? What color is your mother, grandmother, and other women in your family???? Before you spew out such FOOLISHNESS use your THIRD EYE!!!! THAT’S YOUR BRAIN in case you are too clueless to COMPREHEND!! SMH

  8. Reblogged this on The Student Becomes The Teacher and commented:
    As a new thespian in this world, I understand the history of American depictions of race. In the beginning, they were racist and cruel. Nowadays, there is more diversity but there is still work to be done. That’s why I’m writing my screenplay.

Add Your Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s