Well, it seems to be that time again. My first and not so subtle clue was the mandate by my 9 year old to find non-mushy cups and napkins for the Valentine’s Day party at school. And then add to that the amount of red roses and boxes of chocolate that seem to be everywhere you turn, yes, the day to celebrate true love by wining, dining and spending a truckload on Hallmark cards has snuck up on me again. Dammit.
So while I am negotiating a sea of V-Day slackers (myself included) at Walmart trying to live up to my son’s expectations, I took note of a few things. Not only were people buying cards …. they were buying Condoms.
(Slap your forehead one time just like I did)
I mean not only is this the one day where you are supposed to show the one that you love just how much they really mean to you, it is also one of the very, very few days where you should pretty much be GUARANTEED relations.
(The only others are your birthday, anniversary and first night of a vacation that costs at least $4,000)
So. . . we Americans are taking advantage.
(I hope you’re laughing with me at this point!)
Yes, I took a very liberal turn when I decided to write this post. AND the fact that it is National Condom Week had absolutely NOTHING to do with it.
But it did help me uncover a few VERY interesting facts.
According to the makers of LifeStyles condoms, today, across the country, we’ll burn through 87 condoms PER SECOND.
That’s a HECK of a lot of relations.
Here’s how they figured it out. 27% of women, 18 and over, say they’re going to be having relations today and 20% of those will use a condoms.
Then, they assume that for every five women, there are six condoms used. . . ’cause someone has relations twice. . . or the first condom is useless because the guy messes up in the dark and does something like accidentally putting it on inside-out.
Based on those numbers, Americans will use 7,516,800 total condoms today. . . or an average of 87 per second.
That also works out to 313,200 condoms per hour or 5,220 condoms per minute.
And, if you unrolled all of those condoms all the way and laid them end to end, they’d stretch more than 830 miles or just a little less than the distance you’d have to drive if, say, you were a psychotic astronaut traveling from Houston to Orlando wearing a diaper. (that’s for you K.O)
Combine that with the fact that 188 MILLION is the magic number of Valentine cards that will be exchanged today. . . and that’s not even counting the packaged kids’ cards ….
my next venture …..
The C & C Factory ….
Yep, you got it ….
Cards and Condoms baby!
Cards and Condoms!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
I am really not Anti-Valentine’s Day! I just recognize the importance of showing those you love (including yourself) how much you care every single day. So Valentine’s Day for me isn’t that big of a deal. Even better is when you find someone who feels the exact same way. But that vase full of a dozen roses sure does look pretty sitting there on my nightstand.