I had a great time with some amazing men last week in Dallas at my Men’s Panel “Why Do Men Look but Don’t Leap? I wish you were there because they shared some real nuggets.
These men, both married and single, spoke from their hearts and souls honestly about want they want, what they’ve learned, and about how they really feel.
Take a look at the video snippet.
Trust me, there’s more to see and more to come. So stay tuned and hopefully you can make the next event. In the meantime, here are 3 tips they shared about how to tune into a man and get his attention:
I asked: What is one key thing that men want from women?
LISTEN: “It’s really hard for women to be quiet”. That’s hard to hear I know, but it is the consensus amongst the probably hundreds of men that I’ve asked over the years and, trust me, it becomes a big topic during every panel. Personally, I am a woman that always has something to say but, lately I’ve been trying to listen and learn more. It’s working.
For instance, one very important piece of advice the men gave last weekend, and that I’ve been implementing, is to listen to a man, especially in the beginning when you go out on the date. Instead of telling him too much about you, your likes, dislikes, heart breaks and the like; let him tell you more. Here’s the secret these men all co-signed on: When you tell a man too much too soon, the only thing you are doing is giving them the strategic formula on how to approach you. Men like directions, so he will tailor his approach to you based on what you share. If your last man did not call you a lot, that’s what they will do to get what they want. But unfortunately for you, they may not be authentic, just strategic.
Instead, learn to listen to him. Give him your attention and make him feel special. As for you, share a little but keep them guessing. Men are predators and like to chase.
DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT: As women we have a lot of rules about what we will and won’t do. Even something as simple as buying a man a drink will get his attention. Why? Because depending on the circumstances these men have explained they are less likely to offer a drink to a woman when out socially. And while this irritates me for several reasons, I listened (Don’t worry, I’ll blog about my feelings later). I listened, not only because I wanted to hear what they had to say, but because when demonstrated, I’ve actually seen it work effectively.
Here’s some of what they said:
• We might not see you: If you’re out and about in a crowd, you may see the man of your dreams, at least for the moment, but he may not see you. Men are lookers and they generally have plenty of stimuli all around to distract them. If you want to get him to focus on you, send him a drink followed by a soft smile. You will have his attention.
• We are tired of being used: For the woman who goes out to the bar and drinks water even though she wants wine, guess what? If you’re sitting pretty waiting for a man to buy you a drink only, they know this and they said they’re getting tired of it.
• We don’t want to get labeled: Again if you’re out socially, let’s say with your girls, and a guy walks over to you to speak or offer you a drink, he’s left feeling awkward or obligated to buy a drink for your friends. Also, the guys shared that they’ve learned to take their time before approaching a woman because fortunately for them they have a lot of options to choose from. But more specifically, if they approach someone and she rejects him, all of the other women see that. Not only does he not like rejection, but he knows that if he notices another woman and approaches afterwards, if she saw him get turned down more than likely she’s going to feel like the second choice and since nobody likes that, she’ll shoot him down too. Now he’s stuck feeling like he can’t talk to anybody else because he’ll get labeled as “that guy”.
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