When a woman describes an affair she is having to her girlfriend it’s always filled with TMI skin slapping narratives. The dude on the side allegedly does everything that the ole boyfriend doesn’t do and she cannot make up her mind, just heart wrenching. She may try to say no and fly right one week, but she always gets seduced back into experiencing what does not happen at home. It’s not love it’s a habit, void of logic.
I remember watching the beginning of a Tyler Perry movie called Mr.Deeds. In the first scene Wesley Deed’s (Perry’s character) fiancée played by Gabrielle Union describes and pre-narrates his every move from his bathroom routine to the orange juice he pours in the kitchen. It freaked me out a little but that is the reality for some folks, you learn your mate’s preference and assume that is way they always want it.
It’s not that your mate is necessarily incapable of providing you with those moments of passion, abandon and suspense that an affair does, it’s that they have become comfortable with a routine. Somehow routine means security however being safe doesn’t necessarily promote growth and curiosity in a relationship. Relationships thrive on growth.
I strongly believe that that even when a commitment is made between partners in a relationship both parties have a responsibility to keep the blood flowing. You may very well be the type of individual who craves routine, organization and predictability in order to think straight, but even the most anal retentive of personalities need a release from the everyday hum drum.
For the longest time I had the perception that settling down meant that a dormant gene in women awakened. The alleged gene becomes active once, “I love you, “is uttered or a ring is presented. We suddenly get uber domestic, somewhat boring and began to build a nest preferring 10pm bedtimes to 10pm when doors open at the club. It frightened me to think that one day I may not be the woman I currently greeted each and every morning in front of the mirror. Of course that fear I had like all others are absurd.
I knew that I found a good man when he was adamant that I post on predictable relationships. I felt the angst of many men and women on Valentine’s Day because they could not understand how a manufactured holiday coerced them into showing displays of love, on that day. Why that day? He was obviously amongst that bunch, so we declared everyday Valentine’s Day. I’ll take displays of love 365, thank you very much.
How many times have we fallen head over heels for someone but end up wanting to throw our hands up because of a lack of xyz? Usually the lack of xyz was something that was there in the beginning but may have taken a back seat due to other responsibilities, family, and friends- all external factors. A relationship may be lacking passion, animalistic lust, compassion, consideration, quality time, and communication -all matters for internal affairs to work through.
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The thing I enjoy the most about my relationship with him is that I never know what I’m getting into and vice versa when we go out. It’s rare that we actually sit and plan through our day. We make long term plans then become distracted by the present because it’s exhilarating. For the first time in awhile I do not feel like I have lost any part of who I am, I’ve just gained more angles from which to explore.
My partner is an adventure seeking risk taker, better than any twisted down low tryst because every day is a new story and we both make it a priority to keep things fresh and funky.
You may be in a relationship with fine ass self or in one with a partner. What does that relationship look like at this very moment? Are things becoming too comfortable? Are you complaining about the same issues you did six months ago?
If you had to make an unpredictable (and somewhat scary move) right now that would blow your partner’s/social circle’s mind….what would that be? Don’t just think about it, do it.
“At its best, life is completely unpredictable.” ~Christopher Walken
Dating Event (Toronto)- March, 28, 2013 (Details to be announced shortly)
Battle of The Sexes (Oakland, CA) April 2013
Contact: To inquire about workshops or ask me any burning relationship questions email firstname.lastname@example.org