Last week, singer Kelly Rowland made headlines with a confession that she was, at one time jealous of Beyonce. Actually, it wasn’t a true admission but a sentiment implied through the lyrics of her new single, “Dirty Laundry.”

“She was up, I was down
No lie, I feel good for her but what do I do now?
Forget the records, off the record
I was goin’ through some bulls**t
Post-Survivor, she on fire, who wanna hear my bulls**t?”

Now, let’s not be not be naive about this thing.  Kelly needs to sell some music and what better way than to have people to believe she’s had beef with former fellow Destiny’s Child member, Beyoncé.  The song itself was actually written by The Dream, but that doesn’t mean that the hit was not inspired by some experiences the women might have had.

But there are a lot of women who are either victims or perpetrators of jealousy and envy, two emotions that are often interchanged.

Jealousy, by some definitions, is desperately wishing to hold on to what you have.  Envy is desperately wishing to have what belongs to someone else.

 Dr. Lawana Gladney, an Emotional Wellness Doctor, says that jealousy is steeped in insecurity.  Adding that, “Heavy jealously that crosses the line, is when you are not happy for them, think that it is unfair, don’t feel like you can get what they have, and secretly harbor feelings that you hope they crash and burn.”

Both envy and jealousy take up useful space in our hearts, souls and minds squeezing out room for hope, light, and positive energy.

I think the feelings Kelly expresses about Beyoncé are pretty normal.  The problem comes when you become consumed with jealousy and envy to the point that you’re concentrating more on someone else than you are on yourself.

I was at a conference over the weekend with at least 200 hundred women who had come together to learn, grow and support each other. Motivational Speaker and Transformational Coach Nicole Jones Roberts opened the conference by inviting us to step into our greatness and give ourselves to be the giants that we already are.

Speaking of giants, the conference was hosted by Lisa Nichols. You may know Lisa from The Secret and Chicken Soup For The African-American Woman. What you may not know about Lisa is that in less than two weeks, her company – Motivating The Masses – will be the first self-development company to be traded publicly on Wall Street and is projected to be worth 40 million dollars.

Talk about playing big.

Lisa could not have accomplished all that she has by dimming her light in order to make others feel comfortable. She couldn’t have built such an empire while worrying what other people were doing and/or worry what others were thinking about what she was doing.

When it’s time for the star within us to shine brightly, we should worry less about the people who are intimidated by our glow and more about those trying to extinguish it.

It’s not the jealous haters you have to worry about. The people you really need to keep your eye on are those who appear to be cheering you on but are really hoping to see you fail. You can tolerate the haters (haters are often too lazy to do anything but talk bad about you) BUT envious people will try to take you out.

And it’s just as dangerous if it’s living inside of us.  It’s a toxic emotion that will kill your dreams. It will also draw other negative envy people toward you. If you find a way to eliminate envy from within, you’ll find that there will be fewer envious people around you. You attract what and who you are.

Whether you’re the Beyoncé or the Kelly in this situation, if jealousy and envy are weighing you down, check your circle … but check yourself first.

When I was growing up, we knew every single person that lived on Hinsdale Court and we were very involved in each other’s lives. In fact, more often than not my neighbors knew more about what was going on in my life than I did … in a good way.  I was raised in a loving community.

Back in the day … It was the one neighbor you DIDN’T know in your hood that was the person of interest.

These days, we tend to only know one or two neighbors – if that – and now, we’re wondering whether that needs to change.

Who knew the practice of not reaching out to your neighbor actually had a name?

Well, it does.  Cocooning.

“Cocooning”, according to those who study it, is a growing trend of people retreating into their homes and socializing less often in public.  Some of the reasons given are dependence on social media for everything from chatting with friends and family to shopping.  Many of us have designed our homes to provide every single comfort making it almost unnecessary to leave … not even to go to work.  One in 5 or 60 percent of Americans forfeit their daily commutes to do their jobs from a home office.

The recent wave of crimes like the Boston Bombing and the New Orleans shooting spree at a parade can’t help either.

But for me and my family it’s more of a scheduling issue.  I’m at work when most people are sleeping and when I’m home most of my neighbors are at work.  Throw in errands, baseball practices, homework, etc., I can’t imagine having the time to meet and greet neighbors much less bake a batch of cookies to show signs of goodwill.  I only see the ones I do know when I’m dashing to and from where ever I’m going and even though my kids have friends in the neighborhood they have less time to play outside than we did as children. Plus, a lot of their friends are from their sports teams and church and live further than walking distance.

The bottom line is, I don’t know my neighbors as well as I should, and I’m not even sure I want to.  Once you open that door literally and figuratively, it’s not easily closed.  Being neighborly is great at our own convenience, but the thought of someone popping in to have coffee in the middle of day sends me right over the edge.

It would be cool if we could put signs on our doors like they have in hotels to let the people living around us know when we did and didn’t want to be disturbed … if we could vet everyone within a one mile radius and be sure it was okay four our kids to be in and out of their friend’s houses and that their parents knew it was safe to be at ours. But that’s not the way it is and the truth is, we can’t really pick and choose when it’s convenient to be neighborly and when it isn’t. That sort of defeats the whole purpose.

Becoming a good neighbor takes time, work and sacrifice too. Chances are, if you’re like me, you’ve developed a network of family members, parents of your kids’ school friends  and co-workers so that in the state of a crisis someone will come to your aid.

But what about that one time when nothing is as it has been?  What about when the power goes out, or there’s a fire or an explosion in your town, or a manhunt and you’re on complete lockdown.  Or let’s turn the tables for a moment.  What if your neighbor is in dire danger, and he or she turns to you?  What kind of neighbor will you be?

Charles Ramsey has been the butt of lots of jokes because of his appearance, his animated interviews and later the reports that he had a checkered past.  But when his neighbors needed him, he was there.  The woman that ran to his arms might not have given him the time of day if she’d seen him on the street and neither would a lot of us.

We might not know who lives next door, and then again we might know but hope we never have to be bothered, and they may feel the same about us.  We should all pray that when the time comes we’ll put away our fears, doubts, prejudices and all that stuff that makes us human and do what’s humane.

If we can learn anything from Charles Ramsey, it should be that.

Both letters are below.

 A Love Letter To My Baby Boy – May 9^th, 2013

Dear Willis,

My sweet baby boy, you have been such a joy in my life. You came into the world a little bit earlier than I was ready for. I should have known then that you would be the kind of child that moves according to your schedule and not mine.

But you were such a quiet, happy baby … always so content to just be held and loved and cared for. You never cried, just called out patiently when you needed me and you slept through the night from day one. Just a dream baby. I think you knew your mama was already tired from running around after your feisty toddler brother and I so appreciated you for it.

Now that you are older and coming into your own, you are not so quiet! But you are even more loveable every day. You are growing out of being a baby but I love that you will always be my baby and will still come look for me at times when you need a cuddle.  You are just the right mix of independence and sweetness and I can’t wait to see the young man you grow up to be.

I love how much patience you have when Tyler tries to “big brother” you.  I love that you are always willing to help. I especially love that you are willing to stand up for yourself and others when you know something isn’t right.

I just wanted you to know how much I love you on this day – May 9th, 2013 – your 10th birthday. You are my 2nd child, but loved equally and infinitely. Some people think that a mom can’t love their children equally, but you have proven to me beyond doubt that love doesn’t divide but it expands and cannot be diminished. There is something so special inside of you. I can’t wait for the world to get to know you like I have.

There will never be an end to my love for you, baby boy. Keep smiling and laughing … you bring me pure joy!

A Love Letter To My Oldest Son – November 12^th, 2012

Dear Tyler,

When God gave you to me, He knew I would need you. You taught me so much about love and life in your first year – it was amazing. When your brother finally came along, you were so happy to finally be a big brother. You held him and read to him and couldn’t wait to teach him everything you knew. Now that you are older, you don’t always get along, but I know you still love him. You have always been an amazing brother.

And an amazing son.

You fill my days with chatter and questions I never knew an 10-year old would ask…but then again, you’ve always been smarter than you should be. You challenge me in so many ways and you teach me about things I never knew I’d be interested in. You dive into your school work and you soak it all in like a sponge. And I love to see the way that you light up when you learn something new and interesting.

I’m a little nervous (in a good way) now that you are 11. I think the questions get harder.

This year, you may grow to be taller than me. I didn’t know that would happen so soon. I have such mixed feelings about the young man you are becoming. I am so proud of you for being smart and loving and courageous. But I’m not ready for you to be so grown up already. I still see you as a little boy with chubby legs, chipmunk cheeks and your arms always open to give a hug.

I just wanted you to know how much I love you on this day – November 5th, 2012 – your 11th birthday. My world is so much better because you are here. I can’t imagine my life without you being a part of it. Thank you for being an amazing son. Thank you for helping me so much around the house and with your brother.

It’s hard to be the oldest child. I know I have learned a lot raising you and I know I will continue to learn. You still have so much to teach me about being a good parent. Thank you for being patient with me and for accepting my apologies with grace when I haven’t been patient with you.

You are incredible. Never forget that. And never forget that I am always here when you need me. I can’t tell you how much of my heart you fill, but I can tell you I would be empty without you. You truly are the best part of me and I love you dearly.

Does something change if they become, let’s say, Kobe Bryant rich?

People seem to think so.  In case you haven’t heard, the NBA super star is in a bitter battle with his mom Pamela Bryant over a deal she made with an auction house. Kobe is trying to stop her from selling his collectible items including a signed All Star basketball, a Lakers Jacket, trophies etc., because he claims her only son gave the stuff to him, and he claims it still belongs to him. And the backstory goes a little deeper. It’s alleged that Kobe’s mom needs the $450,000 advance she’s received from the company to buy a new home.

A lot of people have asked “why doesn’t Kobe just buy his mom a new house”?

Reportedly, Kobe has been very generous with both his parents, in the past, but in his words, how much is enough?

Athletes from a young age are under a lot of pressure to take care of their families. Before they’re out of middle school, their parents hear comments like, “you’re going to be set for life once he goes pro.”

Every once in a while though, a case involving ordinary people will make the news, like this one involving a former U.S. Marine.

Romel Smith, says he’s paid nearly $30,000 in child support for a child who isn’t his.  He found out that the 15-year-old girl wasn’t his daughter when she was four years old after his own mother prompted to him to get a paternity test.

Mr. Smith has gained lots of sympathy from men and women who are enraged over the fact that he was forced to be financially responsible for a child he didn’t father.

Or did he father her?

I guess it depends on how you look at it.

We get too caught up in what parents want and have too little concern about the kids involved.  Not saying that $30,000 isn’t a huge amount of money to pay, but if we took the money out of the equation, how would it change the story?  Whether he gets his money back or not is less of an issue as to what his relationship will be like with his “daughter” now that this story has gone public.  How will it impact her security, trust and self-esteem?

The laws may be flawed on the issue of how easy it is to have a man’s name placed on a birth certificate and how difficult it is to have it removed if it’s proven he’s not the biological parent of a child.  But here’s where I agree. If you have raised a child as yours, if you have assumed responsibility for their livelihood, if you’re the one they call daddy, you don’t get to take that back.

I’m a single mom and if I began to add up the monthly monetary cost of raising my children with not that much help from their dad, it would probably make my head spin.  There’s $500 a month on groceries, $300 a month on child care – throw in entertainment, clothes, baseball basketball – not to mention the mortgage, light bill and monthly trip to Urgent Care … Hey, they’re 11 and 12- year-old boys – and it really starts to add up.

But I don’t expect their father to share these expenses equally with me because we have an agreement that works. To me, quality time spent between my sons and their father is more important than dollars.  When I hear about people who aren’t in the same situation, explain away what fathers should and shouldn’t do, what they should and shouldn’t pay, I’m tempted to tell them how ridiculous they sound.  Even in good marriages, there’s no true equality in how much money each parent contributes to each child.

Now while I’m not advocating that anyone be financial irresponsible – I also know that when it comes to matters of divorce and child custody issues – nothing is as simple as we would like.

The bigger picture is that we nurture our children.

What is more important, more valuable and more difficult to measure is the time parents want to spend or are allowed to spend with their kids.

Women and men who keep their exes from seeing their children because they’re behind in child support need to stop.  And dad’s especially who purposely remove themselves them from their children’s lives because they can’t contribute monetarily have got this whole thing twisted.

Whether the father – Romel Smith, who was duped by the system gets his money back or not, I hope he will remain a part of the life of the girl who knows him as Dad.  If he was a positive male role model, letting a legal matter come between them is crime.

We can add up the money and material things, but a child’s opportunity to have a relationship with both parents – whether by blood or not – is priceless.

Every few years a series comes along that just clicks with Black America.  Just off the top of my head, and in no particular order, there was “The Game,” “Soul Food,” “Living Single,” “Def Comedy Jam,” “The Arsenio Hall Show”, the “Dave Chappelle Show”, “The Cosby Show”, “In Living Color,” “Soul Train,” and now “Scandal.”

What distinguishes that list of shows from many of the shows popular among blacks is the emotional ties that came with them.  If you didn’t watch “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” your peers might assume it just wasn’t your kind of show … if you didn’t watch “The Cosby Show,” “Def Comedy Jam,” and now “Scandal,” black folks look at you funny.

I’ve seen it with my own eyes.  I’ve heard comedians, actresses and others literally have to defend themselves and their blackness because they aren’t regular viewers of “Scandal.”

It’s a good, well-written show, but how did it get to be an obsession?

Hollywood veteran actress and “Scandal” fan Holly Robinson-Peete thinks she knows why.

“We are starved for people who look like us doing the things we do or fantasize about doing and we don’t get a chance to see enough of that,” she says.

But Christopher J. Respass, a pastor in a Dallas suburb, thinks it goes a little deeper.  He says “Scandal” appeals to a lustful part of us that longs to be satisfied.  He says what we don’t see in the hour-drama is that its allure results in “real destruction.”

In case you’re not familiar with “Scandal,” and God bless you if you aren’t, in a nutshell, the show is about Olivia Pope, a fixer who is having a torrid affair with a very white president. Ironically, Pope seems to be able to fix the world while her personal life crumbles before our eyes. Played by Kerry Washington,  she became the first African American actress to have the lead in a network drama in almost 40 years when she landed this role.

Pope is based on former George Bush (the daddy) administration press aide Judy Smith who is also a co-executive producer. There’s lots of sex, mystery, intrigue and the show created and written by the incomparable Shonda Rhimes is fast-paced, unpredictable, and an across-the-board hit.

But even with a black creator and writer, a black co-executive producer and a black star, ABC and Shonda Rhimes are quick to stress that “Scandal,” is not a “black” show.

It may not be in their heads, but for whatever reason it speaks to Black America in traditional and not-so-traditional ways.  There are the formal live social media parties like the one Tom Joyner frequently holds on Facebook, and a variety of Twitter parties, some  that include Kerry Washington and Shonda Rhimes.  Add to that the home and cell phone parties and one thing is clear: “Scandal,” is one of the most social shows on the air.

People feel the need to talk about it when it’s on and to complain when it isn’t.

So much so that when the networks put it on a three-week hiatus, a petition was started on “Change.org.”  The leader of the “movement”, T.R. Mason writes:

“Putting a show like Scandal on repeated hiatus is a surefire way to lose fans and viewers. Gladiators/Scandalistas/Scandalists everywhere have not gotten over our initial shock that there will be no Scandal AGAIN for 3 more weeks. Instead of whining and complaining, we are doing something about it! Shonda Rhimes is NOT the reason there’s another hiatus. It’s the TV execs at Disney/ABC Television Group. Let your voices and displeasure be heard by contacting Anne Sweeney, the President of ABC Entertainment [...] Or send her a nice little profanity free email at netaudr@abc.com.”

So far, nearly 2,000 have signed the online petition.

I wonder if the signers find it a little strange when they noticed that some the other issues being protested are child sex trafficking, the exploitation of child labor and lack of insurance coverage for life saving medical procedures.

Even though Mason’s letter was somewhat tongue in cheek, we know some people who sincerely seem to need their “Scandal” fix.

I’m a “Scandal” fan, but I wonder if some of us have crossed the line and become fanatics—obsessed and overly enthused about it.  I know one mom who won’t allow her children to interrupt her during the show no matter what, and another woman who won’t work the night shift on Thursdays even though she could use the overtime.  That’s gangster.

I could understand this zeal, maybe, back before  DVR, On Demand, HULU and Netflix.  But “Gladiators” want it live or nothing…no matter what the cost.

Oh, by the way, here’s a tweet that might make their day from Rhimes:

“All new episodes of ‪@GreysABC and ‪@ScandalABC this week!  FINALLY!  Whew. Because some of you were yelling at me on the street about it ..”

Watch your back this summer, Shonda!

Many of us, myself included, immediately turned to Twitter and Facebook to send out our sentiments.  Most of the messages were poignant, motivating, and inspiring.  Sadly this has become the new normal.  From catastrophe to catastrophe we bond via the internet for a day or a week or a month. It’s most likely because in a state of hopelessness, we feel like something…anything is better than nothing.

But it could also be hindering us from reaching out and actually doing the things that we write in 140 characters or less.  How many of us really made any changes in our lives since the Newtown shootings back in December?  Now here we are again, vowing to forgive, to let go of petty beefs we have with others, cherish every second with the ones we love.

I’m not hating on social media… creating global visibility using social media as a platform is my thing…but let’s not let our tweets and posts replace our traditional modes of communicating.  A mass message is not as meaningful as a phone call, and a smiley face can never convey the warmth of real smile.

A good friend of mine who admittedly has time management issues says that part of the problem is once she talks about a project or outlines it, it’s almost like she’s completed the task and she loses the enthusiasm. The same can be said for social media. Once we’ve pressed “send” on the tweet or message of encouragement or motivation, we feel like our job is done.

I think most people with children have wondered at one point or another how we would react to learning that they were gay.

Decades ago, parents had excuses for not handling the news as well as Magic and Cookie. Back then there were few, if any, examples to follow. There was no Oprah or Dr. Phil out there to remind people that others were experiencing the same things that they were.

No matter what your religion, politics, or upbringing has taught you, when it comes to people, even our children, some things just are as they are. Some are left handed, some have freckles, some are attracted to the same sex as they are,  and some will never feel normal living  as a boy when they feel like a girl and vice versa.

The latter is the most complicated.  As some people pointed out when they saw the video of EJ sporting a boa and purse,  gay is one thing, “flaming” is another.   Chastity Bono, the daughter of singer Cher, was so certain that she was intended to be male that she got gender reassignment surgery, hormone shots and is now living as a male.

And author, speaker, media personality, marketing professional, minister, entrepreneur, and proud mom – Vikki Kennedy-Johnson wants to provide you with the perfect opportunity to do just that with her Girl Talk Unplugged weekend getaway!

Girl Talk Unplugged is a movement birthed in the heart of Vikki more than 12 years ago.

“It started as a weekly radio feature called ‘I’m Every Woman’ that grew into quarterly gatherings entitled ‘Girl Talk,’” Vikki explains. And the rest is history.

Listen in as I talk with Vikki’s about her painful journey, what inspired her most and her desire to help women manifest the full promise of their feminine power, passion, and purpose to manifest greatness in the mirror first & then in the marketplace!

To get more information on Girl Talk Unplugged weekend visit www.GTUGetaway.com. If you are not able to attend but would like to gift a woman you love with this empowering weekend then go to www.gofundme.com/GTUGetaway.