We all know the cliche, “Nice guys finish last,” but what about us? Nice girls finish after way after nice guys. Think about it. There’s books dedicated to men loving witches with a capital B. When women are apathetic, no-nonsense and could care less about what people think often serves as a challenge for men and we all know that men love challenges.
Nice women who are loyal, supportive and just want honesty and respect in return usually get the short end of the stick. I know because I’ve been all of these things to men and have seen my stick get shorter and shorter.
Somewhere along the way, romantic and genuinely sweet gestures have become annoyances and expected, so they are never truly appreciated. Love cannot be bought or earned. The receiver of the nice treatment does not always feel love for the giver. In fact, they may feel manipulated, burdened or just ungrateful.
A few years ago, I met this adorable guy named Gavin. He was tall, smart, funny, ridiculously sweet and attentive. I thought I’d hit the jackpot. One night, Gavin wanted to hang out, but I explained to him that I was going to be celebrating my friend’s birthday at a local restaurant.
Gain sighed heavily, “And after?”
His desperation was adorable in the first couple of weeks. He loved spending time with me and was never shy to vocalize that. But after the hearts and stars in my eyes began to fade, I became increasingly irritated by his urgency. “After, I don’t know. It’s Lisa’s birthday, so we’ll probably be out,” I rolled my eyes. “I have to go babe. I’ll call you when I’m done.” I hung up, ready to complain to my girlfriends about how thirsty Gavin was becoming.
“I can’t believe you’re complaining about your boyfriend wanting to spend time with you. Why are you even with him?” One of my girlfriends challenged my disdain.
I rolled my eyes, “Because he’s sweet. And he’s a good guy.” I dismissed the entire conversation with a joke about how good the sex is and as we roared with laughter, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up.
Gavin smiled down at me, “Hey babe.” He squatted next to me.
I frowned, “Hey Gavin.” I tried to smile as I glanced over at my friend, mouthing to me to fix my face. “What are you doing here sweetie?”
“You said that you were coming here for dinner. I missed you so much and needed to see you.” Gavin squatted down beside me.
“That’s sweet, but, it’s girl’s night…”
Gavin cut me off, “Say no more.” He reached into his pocket, “This is for your dinner.” Gavin placed a small wad of cash in my lap. “And take Lisa out for drinks or whatever, just leave enough to take a cab to come be with me when you’re done.”