On the third season of the popular WEtv Mary Mary reality show,  singer Tina Campbell found out some surprising news about her husband Teddy. Despite four kids, while she was on the road touring with her sister, he was also touring….other women’s beds. When Tina found out, she was understandably upset, and it plays out ugly with cameras rolling this season.

But viewers were even more surprised when Tina, in an interview with Ebony magazine, said that she took the blame for her husband’s infidelity. In the article, she admitted to being so angry she tried to stab her wayward husband but in the end said that she had to take a hard look at herself and how she may have contributed to his infidelity by not being as present as she should have been.

“I, Tina, assume full responsibility for the issues that I contributed to the relationship. I was controlling, talked too much. And you can never be heard over me because when I wanna talk I got the floor and ain’t nobody gonna get it from me until I give it up. Real talk. That was the way it was and I have to work on myself. You know what I mean? I was selfish. When we started having children it’s like, I forget that I have a responsibility as a wife. And I’m questioning you like, ‘Really, what you want me to do? I gotta baby!’

Campbell went on to say that she had a way of making her husband feel “small” at times and that that disconnect contributed to the problems in their relationship. While I applaud Tina’s taking a hard look at herself and the problems she contributed to her marriage, I take issue with the blame she heaps on herself for her husband’s cheating. As she finds out, Teddy cheated with numerous other women while Tina was on the road.

As a grown man, father and husband, Teddy must take responsibility for his actions as well. Too often the brunt of keeping a relationship alive and healthy is unfairly placed on the woman. Nowhere does Tina say that her husband asked her to go to pastoral counseling to work out any issues they had, nor does she says she rebuffed any efforts he may have made to work through their problems.

Teddy chose to resolve the feelings he may have been harboring with other women, thus denying his wife any recourse in changing the behavior he disliked. When infidelity happens, the wife and the mistress are usually blamed – the wife isn’t doing enough and the mistress is viewed as a whore or seductress who led an unsuspecting male into bad behavior.

I call B.S. A man who decides to resolve or bury problems in his marriage with other women is making a conscious choice to handle things in that way. While men often have difficulty expressing themselves and communication can break down between partners making it hard to find resolution, using infidelity as an alarm to indicate unresolved issues is unfair to all involved. And that choice lies solely on the cheating partner.

Tina is wise to work on herself because it does take a hard look on both sides to ultimately heal a marriage. But by letting Teddy walk away virtually unscathed and taking him back, it’s hard to tell if he’s also learned his lesson.

Though the entire story has yet to be revealed on the reality show (and who knows how much of its really being aired) we have to say that in real life, if not reel life, every adult is accountable for their actions and the consequences of them. I

f we don’t make men responsible for their share of the heavy lifting that is sometimes required in a life partnership, then we leave ourselves and our relationships open for more problems.

What’s your take? Can any one person be held responsible for major issues in a relationship or marriage?

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34 thoughts on “COMMENTARY: ‘Mary Mary’ Drama: Is Any One Person To Blame When A Marriage is In Trouble?

  1. Roselin on said:

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  2. Zenith on said:

    Cheaters never change. She should not put herself at further risk for contracting a deadly disease from an unfaithful spouse. If she decides to remain married to him, she needs to avoid sexual contact with him. Dying of a disease, just to remain married, would not be fair to theie children. Someone needs to be a responsible adult for those kids.

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  4. jacquelineperry on said:

    No one to blame but the un committed partner.men are by nature selfish its all about them.reason they dont support there kids.especially black men.often the woman will fault herself or the other woman, when she needs to fault the man, but they almost never do, cause they don’t want to start over or be alone.

  5. bren bren on said:

    the only thing she can do now is pray and ask god is her marriage worth saving or not I think every marriage is worth saving you just have to be able to foregive and work at it if it is meant to be it is if it is not then you probably should had not gotten married in the first place

  6. Demp109 on said:

    Who is their Pastor??????? Church Folk, SMH. Still wondering what they are doing to set themselves apart as Christians. Not what they are singing or acting like!!!!

    • bren bren on said:

      you should never take the blame for your hubby cheating cause a man will do what a man does best and that is cheat I never under stood tem they have the most lovely lady at home good to them doing right it still does not matter they rather get hooked with the hookers than do right by his own wife you see they don’t want a good women they prefer whores some one who will give them diseases and all that bad stuff

  7. I love it when Tina said to her husband..”didn’t you love me”? I was like aww my heart went to her. Joker was like yeah I loved you while I was screwing her I thought of you..LORD have Mercy!

  8. Linda on said:

    Teddy cheated because he could and probably on confessed becasue he was about to be caught. Whatever Tina did or did not in their marriage, if he was unhappy, as a husband and a man, he should’ve voiced it to her and worked it out. The attention he was giving the other women, he should’ve been giving to his wife.

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  10. VBucGreen on said:

    Tina or any other women could have been doing all the right things in the marriage and the spouse still cheats. I would not take the blame for no cheating man or women. You have serial cheaters out there and that is what they do, cheat, cheat, cheat.

    • bren bren on said:

      you are right satan destroys marriages that’s his job if you love some one love hard but he or she has to love the same

  11. Your image and your philosophy was suppose to set example for people with your religious dialogue. Did you believe what you been saying. Trusting and giving it all to God. I realize you are human, but it you don’t put your trust in Jesus Christ and just let him handle. You going to stabbing him to commit a sin to be punish . Very disappointed in Tina . Praise God

  12. Eyssielee Richardson on said:

    No one person is ever the whole reason. Marriage is a joint responsibility, so when communication fades it is up to one of the partners to be the bigger person and step in and start the healing process. If you both ignore the signs, then you are both not listening.

  13. Tina is a shellfish woman, and has a big mouth, and she does talk to her husband like he has a tail
    , I mean this woman keeps talking and lets no-one talk, and then now she says she is broken,, her husband has been sleeping with other women for awhile now, this not the first time,, this is just the first time she found out,, Teddy has been sleeping around for awhile,, I mean come on Tina, did you not see the signs,, Teddy has to take responsibility for this crap, but why tina wants to take all the blame. she is a very silly woman, to think that because she was on the road or whatever, and he was on the Road, teddy has been cheating for awhile. teddy got him a woman that he see’s when he is out there on the Road, I mean I’m just being real. ITs takes two to tangle, not one!..

  14. hotlanta on said:

    Thanks why he married you because he knew you only pray and will take the blame when he cheats on you. You need to go to the CDC and take a STD test. Don’t be surprised when the child support papers come to your home physically because he has already let the other women into your home emotionally. Each time you kiss him you are kissing them.

  15. iann11 on said:

    How about not putting your business out there for people to comment on it. These are very personal issues, that should be handled in private, not in the public arena. Doesn’t anyone have class and self respect anymore??????

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  17. I agree with you 100%. As a fellow Christian, at first I admired Tinas decision to work on her marriage…until Tina revealed he cheated through “half of their children”. Clearly Teddy has his own issues that have NOTHING to do with Tina. #myopinion

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