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Comedian Chris Paul gives his hilarious take on the day’s hottest topics:

Jesse Jackson, Jr. is scheduled to be sentenced today and his lawyers say Jesse, Jr. will ask to serve his prison time in either an Alabama prison camp or in North Carolina.  Hey, I didn’t know you can request where you do your time.  In that case I request home.

Kanye West is paying millions of dollars for bulletproof limousines.  The armored limos are to protect Kim Kardashian and his newborn baby while they’re out and about.  And word is these limos are so plush the interiors are made out of whale foreskin.  Where do you get whale foreskin?  I guess Moby Dick.

Soulja Boy was kicked off an airplane.  The flight crew told him over and over again to sit down.  But Soulja Boy refused to do it.  So security was called and he was thrown off.  ♫ Soulja Boy kept standing up, flight attendants had enough, told that negro grab your stuff and boot that Soulja Boy, you got removed.  Boot that Soulja Boy, you got removed, boot that Soulja Boy, you got removed, boot that Soulja Boy, you got removed.  Boot that Soulja Boy.  ♫