If you don’t think you deserve it or have to earn it because you don’t want to be a ‘user’ like momma, you will never give yourself internal permission to prosper easily because it will go against everything on which you have build your sense of self.
Success and self-worth are intimately linked.
As a strong black woman, if you have to do it alone, your success is going to take a very long time to bloom.
Your net worth will never exceed your self-worth.
So how can you turn this around?
First things first: awareness of who’s talking when you are speaking.
Here are 3 tools to get you started:
1. Historical Self: The ‘Historical Self’ has nothing to do with you because it was there before you were born. It is like the water you swim in. It is based on how others see and interact with you and how you dance with them.
Take a piece of paper and write down who you are for yourself as a historical idea. That means your race, gender, and sexuality. Then write down all of the assumptions and expectations that go with that Self. Lastly, write down the attributes of your Historical Self.
2. Inherited Self: There is a saying: you can pick your friends but not your family. Your ‘Inherited Self’ is directly linked to your family dynamic.
When I was in West Africa, I was sitting on a bus eating an orange. A young man said to me, “You are American.” I was flattered. I said, “How did you know?” His response, “Americans don’t share.” I gave him half of the orange. My point is every neighborhood culture has an economic expectation.
Write down your birth order, role in the family, neighborhood code of honor, economic expectation. Then, write down the assumptions and expectations for each. Now, write down the attributes for each.
3. Reactionary Self: Think personal. The ‘Reactionary Self’ was born when life broke your heart. It is the you that said, “NEVER again” or “I’ll show you, ” I’m on my own” or “Why me?”
Something happens and you decide something about you, about the others involved, and about God/Life.
Identify the earliest incident and what you decided. Then write down how that decision has shaped your career, your body, your relationships, and your money. Write down the limits of that decision as well as the attributes.
Once you have done this work, be aware. Ask yourself this question, “When I open my mouth, who is speaking?” Notice if it is the Historical Self, the Inherited Self, or the Reactionary Self.
There is nothing wrong with these three–but they do have limits.
If you are interested in living without limits, you must invent an entire new relationship with yourself. I called that invention a ‘CREATED SELFCreated Self.’ This is the work I do with my clients.
This is where the richness of life comes in.
This is where you break generational curses–for good.
This is where your net worth skyrockets!
Let me know your thoughts. Post you musings. I will respond.
Lastly, help a sister out. Please And share widely with other sisters who would benefit from these teachings/tools. She will thank you for it—! as so I.
With all the love my heart can hold…
Dr. Venus Opal Reese
About the Author
Dr. Venus Opal Reese is a staggeringly effective Business Mentor for Black Women, who is in the business of teaching purpose-driven high achieving sisters (who’ve walked through life’s fire) how to create, grow, and leverage a 6 or 7 figure business that is rooted in their worth. Because she too has walk through life’s fire—and turned it into a proven business model that generates millions for my her clients—she knows what it takes to produce unprecedented results. Visit www.defyimpossible.com today for your free training and more information.