Mother’s Day and now Father’s Day are behind us. Not to play down those roles, but being a mother or father is biological thing and says nothing about our ability to actually raise healthy, well-adjusted children into adult hood. A holiday that is equally or more worthy of being celebrated is Parents’ Day. If you’re a parent and you think it’s easy, in the words of Ludacris, “You’re just not doing it right.”
I don’t care what your title is, how much money you make, or how many employees you’re responsible for, parenting children is the most important job you’ll ever have. It’s evidenced in all kind of ways, particularly in this new study citing the repercussions of sibling violence within families.
Let’s be clear, the kind of bullying the study is referring to goes beyond breaking up an occasional tussle between two brothers, or an occasional insult hurled toward an older sister. We’re talking chronic physical and verbal abuse, which, according to the study involving thousands of children and adolescents, is linked to increased levels of depression, anger and anxiety.
Parents also play a role too, according to clinical psychologist and author of “Sibling Abuse Trauma,” John V. Caffaro. He says they add to these situations by either failing to intervene or by labeling their kids, “the smart one,” or the “athletic one.”
In some families I’ve heard parents contributing to other kinds of name calling like “stupid,” or “ugly” or making negative references to a child’s skin color. The examples they are setting for their children are horrible. It doesn’t take an expert to recognize that children that bully their schoolmates are probably coming from a similar situation at home.
We recently received this story via our Text Tom Club:
I am the baby of three girls. My oldest sister always bullied me. For most of my younger days I had my middle sister as my protector until she died in 1992. From then until 2002, she had her way of intimidating me until I met my husband. He told me to stand up to her, which I have been doing for the past 6 months.
As a mom, a former schoolteacher and the product of two loving parents I’ve outlined a few ways to prevent bullying in the home.
Watch your own words
Take the words like ugly, stupid, fat, and hate out of your vocabulary and don’t allow your kids to use them either.
Show respect to your spouse or mate
Children learn what they live. An example goes much further than a speech.
Don’t be a bully in your own home
When you lash out at your kids because you had a bad day at work, an argument with your spouse or are recovering from an alcohol or drug induced hangover, you’re punishing them for some thing that is no fault of theirs. What do you think they will do with that pent-up resentment they have for you? Younger siblings might take the brunt.
There all kinds of ways that your child could be torturing a sibling besides physically or verbally abusing her, anything from drawing pictures to writing nasty things via text, Twitter or Facebook.
Let them know they’re accountable for anything hurtful that they say, do or post.
Good parents make their children believe their eyes and ears are on them at all times. That isn’t possible but at least making the effort goes a long way. At the very least, we should be their number one supporters and their advocates in areas where they need us to step in.
We can’t do it unless we’re sober and vigilant. And if we are, we can help others too.
If you know of bullying going on toward your child or someone else’s, instead of seeking punishment for that child, take the time to get to know him or her if you can. The odds are they’re crying out for some positive self-esteem boosters they aren’t getting at home.
If we do this, we’re doing something that can go a long way.
Also On Black America Web:
This Week’s Celebrity Instagrams (11/26-12/2)
30 photos Launch gallery
1. Little Legend and Puddy 😍😍😍😍
1 of 30
2. "You on point Phife?" "all the time,Tip". 💥 #bannedfromnormal
2 of 30
3. Vegan! The Impossible burger at Crossroads
3 of 30
4. Lawrence #BeforeandAfterEpisodes 1-4: 184lbs 13% body fatEpisode 8: 196lbs 8% body fat S/O @coachdaveboxing with the works outs and @kildareriordan with the nutrition
4 of 30
5. Jus haaaanngin out
5 of 30
6. Meanwhile back at home in Atlanta GA someone mad they not on the 🛳. 😳
6 of 30
7. No limits... Photo cred: Chris Bridges @ludacris
7 of 30
8. new new
8 of 30
9. Apparently my 260lbs is too much for the actual vines in the Hawaiian jungles to hold me without breaking and me falling hundreds of feet. So for safety purposes, I'm forced to swing thru #Jumanjj on wires strong enough to hold 12 adult buffaloes and 1 adult Rock. #OnSet #Jumanji #IronicallyIEatBuffaloDailyForLunch #MoreManThanNatureKnowsWhatToDoWith
9 of 30
10. hey ma! 🎎#wcw 💙
10 of 30
11. Surprise visit to our factories!!! #GoodAmerican #USA
11 of 30
12 of 30
13. Peachy Keen 🔥✨⚡️
13 of 30
14. If this don't look thankful I don't know what does. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. #UltraBlessed #24kMagic #SweetPotatoFly
14 of 30
15. Late nights @nbcmarlon with the writers... we in here!!!
15 of 30
16. There goes my baaaaaaaaabbbbyyyyy #QueenKingMagic!!! We're up to something! Ira BIG!!! Stay out our buisness -
16 of 30
17. You want to win every game you play but when you come home to these faces... who cares. #ILoveYouGirls best part of my day, everyday!
17 of 30
18. Steady,steady..... full size jenga.. "I got this one "???? Or do I ?
18 of 30
19. Cornrows kind of day 😉@dontaysavoy2 you convinced me and I love. ❤️️
19 of 30
20. #BrotherlyLove #tbt
20 of 30
21 of 30
22. #basel #TeamLOVE @kingcombs
22 of 30
23. Just introduced a special screening of @directher 's groundbreaking (must see) documentary @13thfilm with my brother @themichaelealy | @unitedblackout #blackoutblackfriday
23 of 30
24. Me & Vanessa Williams giving #DuckLips #Pose on the set of #DaytimeDivas @vh1 - Coming Soon to a tv near you. Lol. - My make up done by @makeupsurgeon
24 of 30
25. This picture just makes me wanna praise the Lord, you hear me!!!!!! Yes Lord brotha #TEDDYCAMPBELL What a #man !!! You are everything right on this picture husband ......... #gorgeous #stylish #classy #strong #masculine #king #sexy #debonair #gentlemenstyle And that #bible in your hand just seals the deal for me (probably cause i know that, that is what helped you become just as amazing as you look😘). While my heart and mind experiences the goodness of God at #church on Sundays, my eyes experiences the goodness of Teddy😍. Amen somebody🙌🏽. "Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name" #myman #myhusband #goodman #blackman #dapperman #godlyman #goodfather #mybestfriend
25 of 30
26. Yesterday was my mama's 53rd birthday!!!!! Got to celebrate with her all day. If this is what I have to look forward to I can't wait. Looking like a soft bucket a cocoa butter. Yaaaaaaaaaas! 😍😍😍 love you mommy!
26 of 30
27. "Shout out to @PureAtlanta for getting the family right"....I'm loving this jogger. 😍😍
27 of 30
28. This pic warms my heart ❤️ #myLogiebeans and aunt aunt umba @itowandabraxton 😘
28 of 30
29. You will always be my baby😜. #HappyBirthdayReginae #mybaby18
29 of 30
30. GC "Gods Child" Red on Red SweatSuit available now at www.MonicaApparel.com ... Take Your Crown wherever you go!! I'm pictured in a Medium... Go to the site now for other options ... cc: @trukernell
30 of 30