Mother’s Day and now Father’s Day are behind us. Not to play down those roles, but being a mother or father is biological thing and says nothing about our ability to actually raise healthy, well-adjusted children into adult hood. A holiday that is equally or more worthy of being celebrated is Parents’ Day. If you’re a parent and you think it’s easy, in the words of Ludacris, “You’re just not doing it right.”
I don’t care what your title is, how much money you make, or how many employees you’re responsible for, parenting children is the most important job you’ll ever have. It’s evidenced in all kind of ways, particularly in this new study citing the repercussions of sibling violence within families.
Let’s be clear, the kind of bullying the study is referring to goes beyond breaking up an occasional tussle between two brothers, or an occasional insult hurled toward an older sister. We’re talking chronic physical and verbal abuse, which, according to the study involving thousands of children and adolescents, is linked to increased levels of depression, anger and anxiety.
Parents also play a role too, according to clinical psychologist and author of “Sibling Abuse Trauma,” John V. Caffaro. He says they add to these situations by either failing to intervene or by labeling their kids, “the smart one,” or the “athletic one.”
In some families I’ve heard parents contributing to other kinds of name calling like “stupid,” or “ugly” or making negative references to a child’s skin color. The examples they are setting for their children are horrible. It doesn’t take an expert to recognize that children that bully their schoolmates are probably coming from a similar situation at home.
We recently received this story via our Text Tom Club:
I am the baby of three girls. My oldest sister always bullied me. For most of my younger days I had my middle sister as my protector until she died in 1992. From then until 2002, she had her way of intimidating me until I met my husband. He told me to stand up to her, which I have been doing for the past 6 months.
As a mom, a former schoolteacher and the product of two loving parents I’ve outlined a few ways to prevent bullying in the home.
Watch your own words
Take the words like ugly, stupid, fat, and hate out of your vocabulary and don’t allow your kids to use them either.
Show respect to your spouse or mate
Children learn what they live. An example goes much further than a speech.
Don’t be a bully in your own home
When you lash out at your kids because you had a bad day at work, an argument with your spouse or are recovering from an alcohol or drug induced hangover, you’re punishing them for some thing that is no fault of theirs. What do you think they will do with that pent-up resentment they have for you? Younger siblings might take the brunt.
There all kinds of ways that your child could be torturing a sibling besides physically or verbally abusing her, anything from drawing pictures to writing nasty things via text, Twitter or Facebook.
Let them know they’re accountable for anything hurtful that they say, do or post.
Good parents make their children believe their eyes and ears are on them at all times. That isn’t possible but at least making the effort goes a long way. At the very least, we should be their number one supporters and their advocates in areas where they need us to step in.
We can’t do it unless we’re sober and vigilant. And if we are, we can help others too.
If you know of bullying going on toward your child or someone else’s, instead of seeking punishment for that child, take the time to get to know him or her if you can. The odds are they’re crying out for some positive self-esteem boosters they aren’t getting at home.
If we do this, we’re doing something that can go a long way.
Also On Black America Web:
This Week’s Celebrity Instagrams (10/15-10/21)
31 photos Launch gallery
1. Just a NY girl with BIG dreams....
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2. HAPPY CHILDREN=QUALITY PARENTING. We don't always see eye to eye on everything and that's normal. We're human beings. But we come together and do it right for what's important, the kids. We are not enemies, we are parents. And we are parents 1st. S/O to @monyettashaw for making Mason's bday memorable. S/O to @itscrystalsmith at home taking care of our other lil' Prince. ❤️❤️❤️ THIS IS WHAT CO-PARENTING LOOKS LIKE. #Blessed #Happy #AboveTheDrama #BiggerThanUs
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3. So happy to finally be able to share with you all that I’m the new Global Brand Ambassador for @Revlon! Follow my day on RevlonSnaps. Yay! Choose Love, Everybody! #RevlonXCiara #chooselove #ad
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4. Glam on point!!!@makeupbymotoko & @shaylinjoneshair #easybreezy @lifetimetv #beachesmovie #january2017 😘
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5. ✨True love ✨📸: @jessiemarrerophotography
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7. Today was not easy..but by the grace of God we all got through it. Words cannot express our gratitude for all of your Prayers, Positive thoughts and Support for us throughout the years. Tommy will be missed but most certainly never forgotten...And PLEASE don't ask "Where's Martin?.." he was there too...just not in this picture. Lol! God bless you all.. #LoveConquersAll #MartinShow
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9. West coast get ready for #RockyHorror. I will be live tweeting again. #letsdothetimewarpagain
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10. #THEKEYS pre order yours now ... Available everywhere #NOV22 #WeTheBest 🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑
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11. We about to ROCK at #KCABlackBall!! All for our life-changing effort to end 🌎 AIDS.
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12. Today's #SNAPJACK is brought to you by @yazzthegreatest 😂😂😂💋💋💋
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13. Damn girl you kinda old to be headed to the Go Go. You coming in at the age they leaving. LMAO
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14. Daddy daycare B-Boxin with @acewellstucker @shopraisingace
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15. #FBF Naviyd & URV "LIL MONSTERS"
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16. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF THE BIGGEST LEGENDS IN OUR HIPHOP HISTORY! @snoopdogg CONTINUED BLESSING AND LOVE FAMILY!!!!! REAL OG!
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17. Thank you for a beautiful night VSU! Let's do it again! #HOMECOMING
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18. Had a great time this morning with my familia Erica, Griff & Truth!!
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19. Check out my interview on @essence facebook live. #inmyownwords #nycpromo #day2
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20. #She💋 #tbt #TheCoveAtTheAtlantis #DawgPawsAndAll
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21. Bae #retailtherapy
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22. Why me and @coryhardrict got the same pose... and notee... new mouth #naked
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23. When my husband is my personal 'hype-man'! it kills me every time! 💜😂 #WHATNOW #lostfiles📷
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24. Diggy Simmons
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25. Hand full of @jacquieaiche 💙💎💍 @esnail_la 💅🏾
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26. SuperSoulers! You can watch my interview with Carl Lentz live from my Facebook page, tomorrow at 11a ET| 8a PT. #SuperSoulSunday
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27. 💋 .. When the friendship is easy like Sunday morning. ☀️
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28. Sunday mornings are the best........... hugs and cuddles with my angel
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29. #huggar16 #hellohuggars
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30. My gym is everywhere!.. #RnBMoney #TheGeneral 📸: @twelvepastseven
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31. Nothing I would rather be doing... Rocko setting up our movie, Romelō working on a puzzle & Laiyah singing and sharing all she's learning at school... I'm so grateful for the joy they've brought into my life ... Praying for peace , joy & love in the home of EVERY family ♥️ #HeadScarfPJSunday LOL 😂
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