I promise you. He is not intimidated by you because you are an independent woman. Yes, you are holding your own in the workplace, making your own money, paying your own rent or mortgage and even buying your own bags and shoes, but I PROMISE, he is not intimidated by that. It’s something else, and it’s more than likely your failure to turn off that bulldog that has gotten you so far in your career when all a man desires is your beautiful smile and womanly presence.
I know this, because I have said a man was intimidated by my being an attorney and I have been proven wrong!
When I was in my early twenties, and didn’t know any better, I actually said out loud, in front of God and everybody else that I would not mind being the breadwinner and having a stay-at-home husband because I am a BOSS and bosses run everything, from the boardroom to their households. Man, I was dumb! While it was almost 100 percent accurate that, as women, we take on many roles as a working woman, wife, mother and care-giver, we are in fact many things to many people. We are beasts in getting a deal closed, we are top sellers in our companies, we can negotiate a pay raise and season a steak at the same time and therefore, we make all of the rules and any man who can’t appreciate the strides we make at work and the attitude that got us there, then he can be gone. Yup, I have said that a many a time.
In my first year in law school, one of my female professors shared with us how her husband had to talk her off the ledge of being over-the-top with her family. She stated that as a litigator by trade, she would come home and find herself cross examining her three year old about peanut butter and holding depositions with her husband about the most miniscule details in carpooling. She also shared that it was not helping out in her marriage and/or family life and she had to learn how to scale it down for the sake of her family.
Additionally, when I was in my twenties, a group of friends had a quarterly gathering called “Book Club” ®. It was about 10 of us, males and females, who would “read” a relationship book, come together to discuss it and most times learn and dispel advice given by the other sex. There were several times we, as working and successful professional women, would say (with a head and eye roll) that the reason some of the guys we dated didn’t work out was because “the man was intimidated by me and my career.” Let me tell you something, I had to learn that all these calls for independence from Destiny’s Child to Webbie serve a purpose on one hand, but it will leave you sitting on a couch alone with your fabulous trips, bags and salary on the other.
Am I saying you should not strive for greatness in your career? Absolutely not. Am I saying you should not be proud of all of your accomplishments and not make them known to others? Heck no. But what I am saying is that man, who you think was “intimidated” by your career, is not and was not. He was more than likely turned off by the hard nature upon which it was shoved into his face. This goes for us ladies who are “keeping company” and those who are raising families. Yes, we are successful and we should continue to be proud of that. However, ain’t nobody scared of you. At least the right one isn’t. So when he finds you, just smile. That’s all he really wants most of the time, not your resume and bio.
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Rashida Maples, Esq. is Founder and Managing Partner of J. Maples & Associates (www.jmaplesandassociates.com). She has practiced Entertainment, Real Estate and Small Business Law for 9 years, handling both transactional and litigation matters. Her clients include R&B Artists Bilal and Olivia, NFL Superstar Ray Lewis, Fashion Powerhouse Harlem’s Fashion Row and Hirschfeld Properties, LLC.