Attention Single Ladies: Here Are a Few Ways to Love Yourself on Valentine’s Day

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Throw yourself a party. Put on your high heels, turn up the music and dance. Change outfits. Put on lipstick. Make faces in the mirror. Try on a few wigs. Play music that makes you feel good – anthems like Jill Scott’s “Golden,” Amel Larrieux’ s “All I Got” and Ledisi’s “Pieces of Me” are always good choices. The key is to celebrate and have fun with yourself regardless of your dating status. Divorced, single, never married or dating, it doesn’t matter. Your worth is not defined by whether there’s a ring on your fourth finger, left hand.

Single and looking? Go to a V-Day dating event. Most cities offer a wide array of events for single folks and some of them are casual, low- pressure type deals. Some churches have a singles ministry and host Valentine’s Day events for their members. (Speed dating is not recommended, who wants to get their face cracked on V-Day?). Plan a bowling night with friends if nothing seems enticing in your town. The idea is to go out and have a good time that is not based around finding someone but just having fun.

That super couple you know that looks so in love? They were on the brink of divorce five years ago. Your neighbors that have been together 20 years? They stayed together for the kids and are secretly miserable. That perfect, gorgeous young couple you saw holding hands at the mall? That’s not his wife. The thing is, yes, there are people who are genuinely happy and in love. Just like there are people who are miserable together who put up a good front. Good relationships don’t happen without pressures, challenges and work. When you’re single, it’s easy to think that love is perfect for other people. Even the best couples have their issues or have worked through some tough times. Instead of envying them, find a couple to be your role model, whether they know it or not. Want a partnership like the Obamas? Follow their model of education and service. You can only attract what you are, so improving yourself is a good way to find the relationship you desire.

India.Arie’s beautiful song “Ready For Love” is the way a lot of single women feel. They are looking for love that seems so elusive. But in order to find love you have to be ready. If you’re angry, if you’re still hurt by past loves, if you’re busy raising kids and working AND going to school, it’s going to be much more challenging to find healthy, lasting love. It sounds like a cliché, but love starts with you. You want to be healthy, happy and receptive (very important!) to love before it can show up in your life. One good way to prepare yourself is to read – Iyanla Vanzant’s “In the Meantime” is a great tool to help yourself get ready.

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