Ladies, if you’re looking to find or keep love, we have yet another relationship book for you. Rap legend, TV dad and minister Rev. Run, who is married, and singer/actor/author, Tyrese Gibson, who is divorced, have joined forces to create a book on men and love from their very different perspectives. That book is “Manology” which has been co-signed by such luminaries as Quincy Jones, Sanaa Lathan, Iyanla Vanzant, Bernice King, Bishop Kenneth C. Ulmer and La La and Carmelo Anthony. We took a look inside to see what wisdom the brothers dropped and whether we felt it was worth following or not.
INSIGHT: Rev. Run says every man has a season.
It’s not surprise that Rev. Run often comes from a Biblical perspective. He and his wife Justine have found happiness in their marriage by following Biblical principles. He says that every man has a season based on the scripture in Corinthians 13:11, and that if you catch a man in the wrong season, i.e. when he’s still in the non-committal phase, the relationship won’t work.
WE THINK: This may be the most valuable piece of advice in the book. If a man isn’t ready to settle down, even the best woman can’t make him do it. If he still wants to run around and party and BS, then there’s not much any woman can do to slow him down.
INSIGHT: Tyrese says have patience with a good man.
Tyrese says that women need to be more patient with their men because if they are, they might find that the man will come around to become the kind of guy they are seeking. He makes sure to exclude men who can’t be redeemed like abusers, deadbeats and addicts but says sometimes women give up too easily.
WE THINK: He has a point, to a point. Tyrese advocates patience for women but throughout the book, at least from his perspective, the burden of holding the relationship together is on the woman. We’d like to for once see a relationship book geared to men that focuses on the things women want out of them and how they could improve.
INSIGHT: Rev. Run says no sex before marriage, but afterwards, both partners should be prepared to give it up on demand.
WE THINK: You might have to be a reverend for this one. Once again using the Bible as his guide, Rev. Run says that men and women should wait until marriage to have sex. But once they’re married, a man and woman should never deny sex to the other. While this might seem like sensible advice, it seems challenging in practice. What if one spouse is running a fever and the other is horny? What if one is drunk? Or what if someone’s been up all night taking care of a sick child and has to go to work in the morning? But as sex is a big issue in a lot of marriages, maybe Rev. has a point. As far as premarital sex is concerned, even he knows that’s a tall order for most people and amends his directive somewhat to ask women especially just to take their time.
INSIGHT: Tyrese says women need to meet their man’s every need; otherwise they’ll try to get those needs met by multiple women.
WE THINK: Tyrese admits he’s very needy, and in his memoir he discusses his dysfunctional childhood, which is probably why. But his stated expectation that his woman meet his every physical and emotional need would be daunting for any one woman. As Sweet Brown says, “Ain’tnobody got time for that.” Tyrese gives credit to his current (unidentified) girlfriend who must have bottomless reserves of patience, but for the rest of us, his expectations are simply ridiculous. And it doesn’t seem as though he believes those expectations go both ways.
The most interesting thing about “Manology” is the different perspective and how honest both men are about their shortcomings. But every relationship is different and what works for some doesn’t work for all. Both men are celebrities who have led lifestyles that vary from those of regular working men and that has had an impact on their views and choices. There is some good thought-and-discussion-provoking information in “Manology,” but at the end of the day, you’d do best figuring out how to make your own relationship work with the individual you’re with. Or to figure out how to become a more confident, secure person so you can attract the same.
Rev. Run and Tyrese discuss “Manology” on “The Couch.”
Rev Run and Tyrese answer questions from Text Tom Club Members.